Public Service Announcement!

Been looking for the answer to this one for quite some time.

As an aficionado of pegging, sometimes things can get a little messy and when that happens, odors can be retained in the toy. I’m talking about excellent quality dildos (because that’s all I use). I’ve tried many things to remove that odor with little success.

Ran across this article by Scott at SquarePeg Toys.

Voilà! Success. I’d just purchased a bottle of pure acetone at the drug store – labeled “professional maximum strength 100% acetone”. Quite inexpensive. (Not the colored, scented fingernail polish remover.)

I have a Blush Novelties Ergo Mini that had retained an odor. That is a dual density dildo, softer than most. According to Scott’s article – the softer toys are more prone to odor retention. (He explains why – go read it.)

Used the acetone as described (I had the makeup pads on hand already) and it worked like a charm.

Spread the word! (Just credit Scott at SquarePeg Toys.)



First of all…

You are not alone.

Certainly not alone in the sense of enjoying anal stimulation, and not alone in the sense of scared to tell your significant other. It can be a super scary thing, for a lot of reasons.

Telling your partner requires 3 things.

  • Communication
  • Information
  • Patience/Persistence

Do you two talk in bed?? Do you talk about sex? Do you tell each other what turns you on and how things feel and what you fantasize about? If you don’t, start right now. If you are not used to it, at first it will be hard to open your mouth and get the words out. Communicating about sex opens doors and brings you much closer together, beside adding a bit of titillation factor to both of your sex lives!
Does your wife know that prostate massage has been proven to help with a healthy prostate?
Here’s the study
Does she know that the prostate is capable of giving intense levels of pleasure, just like her G-Spot?
Does she know that pegging doesn’t have to be like pegging porn?
Does she know that you enjoying anal stimulation says nothing about your sexual orientation?
I created a podcast just for the women, to address all of their fears and concerns. I recommend you listen to it first, because only you can decide whether it’s right for your partner. Many men have had great success with it!

When you tell her about it, don’t present it all self-conscious like you have leukemia. Tell her you discovered something way cool – that you have another erogenous zone and you want nothing more to explore it with her. Be excited! Give her the information and then be patient for a few days. Ask again, no resentment, no impatience, just eagerness and curiosity whether she looked at the information or listened to the podcast. Be patient, but persistent. And above all, calm.

Of course you have fears! Among them…

  • She will think you are gay
  • She will think pegging will turn you gay
  • She won’t respect you in the morning
  • She will tell her/your friends

The podcast will help a lot with all of these.

Because here’s the thing…
Do you want to live the rest of your life never asking her? If she is down to try it, you could be enjoying pegging right now. And if she isn’t, then you at least asked. So many men wish they had not waited so long to ask their partners. Pegging is a very intimate act, so wouldn’t it be awesome to be doing it with the person you are the closest to in the whole world?

Now, if your partner is sexually inhibited, sexually conservative, sexually close-minded, and you only do it missionary position, no oral or anal, then perhaps it would not be a good idea to blow her out of the water with pegging. Only you can decide!

Good luck!

Joyous Pegging

Just about every day, as the awareness of and interest in pegging sweeps around the world, I receive a question from someone full of concerns, questions, fears and most of all, misconceptions. The same themes present over and over again. While these themes can each be explored in depth, here are the short answers….

For Her…

No, he’s NOT GAY

♥ No, he does not want a man to replace you
♥ No, he does not secretly want a cock
♥ No, pegging him will not magically turn him gay
♥ He just wants you to fuck him in the ass
♥ Honest

((If he is bisexual, disregard this one)

No, it doesn’t hurt.

♥ Yes it feels good
♥ As long as you do it right
♥ Really good
♥ Honest

No, you will not look ridiculous wearing a strap-on

♥ He will think you look hot, I guarantee
♥ Are you kidding? He’s been fantasizing about this…
♥ So hot he might come just looking at you
♥ Honest

No, pegging is not like the pegging in porn

♥ No it is not humiliating
♥ No it is not degrading
♥ No he does not have to dress like a woman
♥ No you don’t have to yell at him and hit him
♥ He just wants you to fuck him in the ass
♥ Honest

(Disclaimer – if you are into any of these kinks, disregard this one)

For Him

No, you are NOT GAY

♥ No, wanting to be pegged does not make you gay
♥ No, being pegged will not magically turn you gay
♥ Yes, you still love breasts and pussies
♥ Which means you are not gay
♥ Even though you want her to fuck you in the ass
♥ It’s all okay
♥ Honest

(If you are bisexual – disregard this one)

No, it doesn’t hurt

♥ Yes. it feels good
♥ As long as she does it right
♥ Really good
♥ Honest

No, it will not compromise your masculinity

♥ Yes, she will respect you in the morning
♥ Yes, you can continue being a man’s man
♥ It’s all okay
♥ Honest

No, pegging is not like the pegging in porn

♥ No humiliation
♥ No degradation
♥ No feminization
♥ No verbal and physical abuse
♥ She really can just fuck you in the ass
♥ Without all that stuff
♥ Honest

(Disclaimer – if you are into any of these kinks, disregard this one)

So if those are all the things pegging is not, then what is pegging?

Yes, pegging is hot, hot sex

♥ Surprising Intensity
♥ Amazing Discovery
♥ Deeper Intimacy
♥ Fascinating Role Reversal
♥ Another Way to Make Love!

This message of reassurance has been brought to you by and

A podcast for the women which explores more of this in depth, as well as touching on relationship issues is available here.



I’ve been fucking guys in the ass for some time now.

With my notoriety as Ruby Ryder, I think many people believe I get to fuck guys all the time and that I must have a ton of experience. Measurements of that kind are so subjective, though. What might be a ton to some would barely register with others. My own measure of it is that I have fucked far, far fewer than I could have, because I am particular.

I have met astonishingly handsome men who were never invited into my bed, for a variety of reasons. I have met sweet, thoughtful, intelligent men who never made it to my bed, either, lest you think it’s all about how beautiful their asses were. For me, the combination has to be just right. And of course, the chemistry has to be there, or it’s pointless.

I tell you this to point out that in actuality, I have not had that much experience pegging the sweet asses of multiple men, or even just one man. Probably less than many of you assume. Besides being particular, I have been single most of the last three and a half years.

So leaving the assumptions about fucking asses aside for a moment, let me tell you what’s been happening in my life recently. I have been working out regularly. I found the magic formula that gets me to the gym! A handsome young man (a friend) texts me every day and asks did you work out yesterday? (Doesn’t hurt that he’s in the military, too.) I don’t mind telling him ‘no’ one day, but if I have to tell him ‘no’ two days in a row, it rankles. So I have made it to the gym far more often in the last month than I have for quite some time. I have been cranking those weights up higher and enjoying the burn. I have conquered the land of the elliptical and now enjoy the heretofore-elusive second winds. I feel good.

So, after all that preface…I had an extraordinary experience the other night.

I hit my stride fucking an ass.

That’s the only way I can describe it. I had all the strength I needed. I felt agile; keeping my balance was easy. My core strength had such power and endurance that I was sort of throwing him around the bed like guys have thrown me around before. I had him in missionary position at one point holding his legs up and I impulsively put both ankles in one hand on one side of me and continued fucking him sideways. I actually did it because I was remembering positions guys have put me in, and with my newfound strength and agility, I felt like a kid in a candy store. I wanted to try it all.

Let me at this point gratefully acknowledge the lovely ass I had the pleasure of fucking. Because, as usual, I walk the line between preserving anonymity and fleshing out my story, but I do not want to talk about him like a thing. He’s so very much more than that. I’m going to call him Gorgeous Guy, because he is. He and I started talking a couple of years ago on FetLife and kept missing each other. Finally, we had a couple of dates early this year. Excellent chemistry.

So I invited him to join me last March at the BIL conference. In a lovely hotel room. With a king size bed. And he stood me up. He had his reasons, of course, but I don’t take kindly to being stood up without a word. So I answered his messages politely after that but blew off his advances.

Six months later, he finally convinced me to have dinner with him again. After all, Gorgeous Man is…gorgeous. More importantly, he’s charming, intelligent, and sweet. We had dinner. Then he convinced me that what happened was an anomaly; he’s usually very dependable and he’d like another chance, please. He had a lot of things going on in his life at that time.

We kissed. What little defenses I had left, forgotten with the sheer compatibility of that kiss. Wow. Added to all his other lovely qualities, well, yeah. I was done.

So we played. And it was Gorgeous Guy’s ass that I hit my stride whilst fucking. Couldn’t have wished for a nicer one.

I felt like that silicone cock was a part of me, I swear. I could tell the exact moment when his ass opened up and finally allowed the toy he’d selected from my collection to talk its sizable way inside him. I held steady, waiting for him to adjust to it. The muscles in my thighs and my arms worked hard to hold the position. I watched his open-mouthed closed-eyes expression; the softening…the letting go. Always a beautiful sight.

Later, I lay on top of him, deep inside, with my breasts against his back and only sweat between us. My hips moved with such ease. I put subtle moves on that cock, man. I made him moan and swoon. I was right there.

I owned that strap-on…and that ass.

We played for a long time, and slept soundly that night. Before we slept, I talked with him about how hitting my stride had felt. The best analogy I could come up with was the difference between the first time a guy fucks a girl, and then years down the line after he really starts to get good at it.

So…I feel like I finally have the amazing pegging skills that many of you have attributed to me long before now. Don’t get me wrong…I haven’t had any complaints. The night with Gorgeous Guy was different, though. I have to say that from this side of the strap-on, it was fucking amazing.

No, actually, it was amazing fucking.



Anyone who has searched for an ejaculating dildo has probably had the same experience. Sure, they are out there, but the quality basically sucks.

So – along comes Stephanie Berman – inventor of the Semenette and the POPDildo.

YES, excellent quality ejaculating dildos are now available!

YES, you can hear all about it here:

Interview with Stephanie Berman, CEO of Semenette.


Over at I’m planning a special podcast.

Podcast #115 is going to be comprised solely of women’s stories and offerings.
Most of my readership and listeners are men. For this podcast…

I want to hear from the women.

Tell us all the things you love about pegging…
Tell us the story of your favorite pegging encounter…
Tell us about your first time…
Tell us about your last time…
Tell us about a funny time, or an embarrassing time…
Tell us about your favorite pegging fantasy…

One sentence, a paragraph, several pages – I want it all!

Spill it, Ladies!

You can write me at
Or send me an MP3 of your recorded story
Or record your story on my call line (805) 500-6544

We are going to blow the men away with podcast #115!


Rockin' it!

So one question that comes back over and over is this:

Can a man use a double dildo to double penetrate a woman? With his penis in her vagina and the bulb end of the double in his ass, penetrating her ass? I’ll give you a moment to picture that in your head…

What a lovely porn scene that is, I must say!

This has been discussed many times in the reddit/pegging forum. I do believe I’ve heard one or two people say they tried it, it was very, very difficult but they were able to make it (kind of) work. Sort of.

So….I’m going to put this to rest and tell you that it’s probably about as difficult as a woman using a double without a harness. A very few can manage it, but it’s quite difficult.

Here’s the Double/DP challenge…

Try it out and write me the story about how it went!! I’ll read it on my podcast.



Podcast: For the Ladies

I have been recording podcasts for some time, but this last one might be of particular interest to you.

For a while now I’ve been working on a book, a short and read-in-one-sitting book, in my voice, that was specifically intended for men to give to their partners to introduce them to the concept of pegging. I’d pretty much finished it, but I changed my mind.

I made it a free podcast instead. I decided that I wanted it to be available to anyone that wanted/needed it instead of being something they had to pay for on Amazon (my original plan). Because, basically my goal is to facilitate as many couples understanding and enjoying pegging as possible. Especially the women!

And I think this might help.

Men could introduce the basic concept to their partners and then direct them to the podcast and say “listen to this”.

I address the common misconceptions and fears, hold space for those who decide it’s just not their thing as well as those who decide to embrace it, and through it all, emphasize over and over again that it took a ton of courage for you guys to approach them, and it is truly a gift of intimacy. Because you are allowing them to know a deeper part of you, no matter how they decide to respond. I encourage communication over and over, because good communication about sex is indeed the sexiest thing out there!

For those who are interested – could you give it a listen and let me know what you think? Feedback? Did I miss anything important? Criticisms?

Podcast is 50 minutes in length and you can stream it directly from my other website. Click the link under the photo above.



Fuze Tango

Originally published in the Tantus Sex Ed Blog, June 12, 2015

Strapless Strap-ons…

They are seductive, the way they peek out from a woman’s vaginal lips and curve sexy and bold into the air, ready for action. So many pictures of exactly that. Mesmerizing pictures. Her hand holds her ‘cock’, as if it were real. It looks amazing. Fun colors pushing apart those lips, sometimes surrounded by hair, sometimes not. I particularly like the purple ones, especially when the woman is pale-skinned. The contrast is stark and shocking, yet intoxicating. I just can’t look away. The pictures are even more exciting because I know that the other part is inside her.

Oh, and the ones that look realistic? Damn, they look like the real thing sticking right out from her nether regions! Right where a cock might be if she actually had one. It’s safe to say that these pictures have caused many erections and a lot of wet panties. I mean, you can just envision her thrusting away with it, making her partner moan with each stroke, right? I can. That’s what makes my panties wet.

Only one problem. The vast majority of women cannot hold a strapless strap-on in and effectively fuck their partner with it.

Yep. You heard me right. I can only speak with authority regarding pegging, because that’s my passion. Pegging is the world I am immersed in. That’s what happens in my bed, sometimes over the back of the couch or perhaps on the kitchen table. But I do have anecdotal feedback from my lesbian/queer/bisexual friends, and we all agree. Strapless strap-ons simply…aren’t. They don’t work well enough by themselves. They need a harness!

So let’s talk about why this is so. Again, keep in mind I can only speak with authority from the pegging perspective.


It’s Wet in There

First, when a woman gets sexually aroused, she usually gets wet. Slippery wet. Awesome wet. Well, awesome unless you are trying to hold in a strapless strap-on. It’s hard to get a grip on something when you are wet and slippery. The vagina is self-lubricating specifically to make sure that things do slide around inside. So to start with, expecting anything to stay put seems like a fool’s errand. Just sayin’.

Now, where pegging is involved, instead of holding the toy in with vaginal muscles and penetrating another vagina, it’s a vagina holding in the toy and penetrating an anal sphincter. Whereas the level of success is (anecdotally) slightly higher vagina to vagina, when it’s vagina to ass, the ass will win almost every time. Anal sphincter muscles are strong.


Get Going With Those Kegels

So let’s talk about the woman’s pelvic floor muscles that are supposed to keep the toy in, also called PC muscles. These are the ones you can exercise doing some variation of Kegel exercises, with or without a Lelo Smart Bead to help. Kegel exercises can definitely help strengthen a woman’s PC muscles. There are many benefits to exercising those muscles. Where strapless strap-ons are concerned, theoretically, the stronger a woman’s PC muscles are, the more likely that she will be able to hold a strapless toy inside her while she fucks her partner. Sounds good. Just get going with the Lelo Smart Bead and you’re good to go, right?

Wrong. Even with very strong PC muscles, the vast majority of women still cannot hold a strapless strap-on inside while doing any kind of active fucking. Sure, she can lie on her back, put her thighs tightly together and her partner can ride her. That can work.  Or she can clamp her legs tightly together and try the limited number of positions that clamped-together legs will allow. There are markedly few women for whom the ‘strapless’ concept actually works in a knees-spread, I’m going to fuck you hard and fast until you come kind of way, though.

I bring up the PC muscle component of strapless strap-ons, because it gives rise to this harmful myth: If she just does enough Kegels, she will be able to hold in a strapless strap-on.

Why is that harmful? Because even with extremely strong PC muscles, this is simply not true for most women. Sadly, women can end up feeling deficient or defective because they cannot live up to the advertising claims in this regard. Oh, me and my sucky, weak-ass PC muscles, clearly I am a slacker and have not done enough Kegels! Women have even been accused of not doing enough Kegels by their disappointed partners, who believed strapless strap-ons were actually strapless! Weird, right?

One man posted in reddit/pegging that his wife has strong enough PC muscles that when his cock is inside her, if she flexes them full strength, she can almost hurt him. Not even this ‘Queen of the Kegels’ can hold in a strapless strap-on. There’s some perspective for you.


The Cheaper Choice

So what about the cost factor? Some people buy a strapless strap-on to save money, too. Equipment for strap-on sex can get pricey, so if you can get just the one toy and skip the harness, well that will save you money, right? Brilliant! It’s a great concept, if it actually worked. Quite tempting. But quite inaccurate.


Mystifying Marketing

So why are these toys continually marketed as ‘strapless’? Especially when it’s a myth for all but about 5% of women? I don’t know, but it drives me crazy! Manufacturers continue to advertise them as strapless, making an occasional and rare note that maybe she might need a harness to hold it in. Possibly. If her muscles aren’t strong enough.

The purchasers of these toys arrive regularly to my website or to the pegging group on reddit, asking what they did wrong. Why isn’t it working? Why is it so difficult to keep it in? Because my personal mission is to change the world one ass at a time through pegging, I take the time to educate them about the real capabilities of strapless strap-ons. Most of the time they go off and get a harness and eventually find success in pegging.

With that much frustration, though, rest assured much of the pleasure factor goes right out the window, and some women who were reluctant to begin with about trying pegging with their guys reject the whole activity out of hand. Trying to use a double-ended dildo without a harness for your very first pegging experience is not something I would wish on any newbie.

By the way, now that I have established that they are not strapless, I hereby dub them ‘Doubles’, and will refer to them as such for the remainder of this article!

Not For Beginners

Here’s the next important piece of information. In my opinion, Doubles are advanced strap-on toys. The first thing a woman wearing a strap-on needs to do is to learn the basic mechanics of using a cock and fucking someone. She needs to learn how to move, develop new muscles, gain endurance and balance, because fucking someone is an athletic event. I recommend getting a flare-based single dildo with a good harness so she can practice these things. When she has rhythm, strength and confidence, when she knows just what angle, speed and depth really send her man, then get a Double. The time for a Double is down the road a ways, when she has mastered the single and you are both like a well-oiled (and lubed) machine with your pegging skills.

Many men select a Double for their first strap-on equipment purchase because they “want her to get something out of it, too”. Men are programmed to give women pleasure so it can be hard for them to just lie back and receive during the pegging process without feeling a bit guilty and uncomfortable. They need to know that she is getting off, too. Seriously, this is so sweet of them, but somewhat misguided because of the information I just mentioned above. She needs to learn how to fuck first, and the learning curve can be steep.

Picture this. Because seriously, it happens this way more often than not. The woman tries very hard to keep the Double inside her and simply can’t, much less have an orgasm like he wants her to. She doesn’t yet know how to thrust, tilt her hips, and use a cock…because she’s never had one before. All of these factors combine to make for a less than stellar first experience. In fact the recipe fails so often that I don’t understand why Doubles are still marketed as ‘strapless’. I feel that ‘strapless’ marketing is doing a great disservice to newbies interested in strap-on sex.

Doubles – Delicious, Dynamic and Deft!

Now. Here’s the important thing. There are enough things to recommend Doubles without needing to lure people in with a claim of them being strapless. It’s not like there is nothing good about Doubles other than the strapless claim. Doubles are awesome!

They give you incredible tactile feedback because of the inserted bulb that presses against your G-spot. Though you’ll never feel that silicone cock going in and out of your partner exactly like a real cock, with a Double you can feel much more subtle pressures. My favorite is that totally hot moment of initial penetration when I’m waiting for his ass to open up and welcome me in. With a Double I can feel that happening so clearly, the very moment his ass opens and he moans as I slide inside him. It’s a thrill every time and I can feel it happening more vividly with a Double.

Additionally, the pleasure factor should never be downplayed. Doubles are the only strap-on toys that provide G-spot stimulation! Huzzah! That amazing G-spot focus, together with the clitoral vibrations from the Fuze Tango, can provide women with levels of pleasure that can slide them into orgasm territory.

What do I love about doubles? I love to lie on top of my partner for a while and concentrate on all the lovely sensations inside me. Then I begin to move in a way that pleases me. I press into his ass in whatever way thrills my G-spot and clit. He can sense the change. He knows when I am moving for me, instead of for him. That is such a turn on for both of us. I love the way a Double can be used for self-pleasuring while fucking my guy.

Whether a woman orgasms or not, she will likely have a butt load (heh heh) of fun fucking her guy. A Double will definitely allow her to feel more connected and feel more pleasure while fucking her partner. For me, it’s a thrill every time I thrust inside him, feel my G-spot sing and my clit dance between us.

Yeah baby!

So there you have it. The truth (as I see it) about strapless strap-ons.

Now. Can we stop calling them strapless…please?

They are Doubles.

And here’s my favorite!

©Ruby Ryder 2015


This is a common and perfectly acceptable question from newbies. I hear it all the time. The answer, however, is pretty darn complicated. There are many things to consider when buying equipment for the first time. I finally recorded a podcast that details all the considerations that need to be made when purchasing pegging equipment for the very first time. Click on the link below. Feel free to write me with any questions you have! You can contact me at

PeggingParadise Podcast #102 – What’s the best equipment?