Over at I’m planning a special podcast.

Podcast #115 is going to be comprised solely of women’s stories and offerings.
Most of my readership and listeners are men. For this podcast…

I want to hear from the women.

Tell us all the things you love about pegging…
Tell us the story of your favorite pegging encounter…
Tell us about your first time…
Tell us about your last time…
Tell us about a funny time, or an embarrassing time…
Tell us about your favorite pegging fantasy…

One sentence, a paragraph, several pages – I want it all!

Spill it, Ladies!

You can write me at
Or send me an MP3 of your recorded story
Or record your story on my call line (805) 500-6544

We are going to blow the men away with podcast #115!


Rockin' it!

So one question that comes back over and over is this:

Can a man use a double dildo to double penetrate a woman? With his penis in her vagina and the bulb end of the double in his ass, penetrating her ass? I’ll give you a moment to picture that in your head…

What a lovely porn scene that is, I must say!

This has been discussed many times in the reddit/pegging forum. I do believe I’ve heard one or two people say they tried it, it was very, very difficult but they were able to make it (kind of) work. Sort of.

So….I’m going to put this to rest and tell you that it’s probably about as difficult as a woman using a double without a harness. A very few can manage it, but it’s quite difficult.

Here’s the Double/DP challenge…

Try it out and write me the story about how it went!! I’ll read it on my podcast.



Podcast: For the Ladies

I have been recording podcasts for some time, but this last one might be of particular interest to you.

For a while now I’ve been working on a book, a short and read-in-one-sitting book, in my voice, that was specifically intended for men to give to their partners to introduce them to the concept of pegging. I’d pretty much finished it, but I changed my mind.

I made it a free podcast instead. I decided that I wanted it to be available to anyone that wanted/needed it instead of being something they had to pay for on Amazon (my original plan). Because, basically my goal is to facilitate as many couples understanding and enjoying pegging as possible. Especially the women!

And I think this might help.

Men could introduce the basic concept to their partners and then direct them to the podcast and say “listen to this”.

I address the common misconceptions and fears, hold space for those who decide it’s just not their thing as well as those who decide to embrace it, and through it all, emphasize over and over again that it took a ton of courage for you guys to approach them, and it is truly a gift of intimacy. Because you are allowing them to know a deeper part of you, no matter how they decide to respond. I encourage communication over and over, because good communication about sex is indeed the sexiest thing out there!

For those who are interested – could you give it a listen and let me know what you think? Feedback? Did I miss anything important? Criticisms?

Podcast is 50 minutes in length and you can stream it directly from my other website. Click the link under the photo above.



Fuze Tango

Originally published in the Tantus Sex Ed Blog, June 12, 2015

Strapless Strap-ons…

They are seductive, the way they peek out from a woman’s vaginal lips and curve sexy and bold into the air, ready for action. So many pictures of exactly that. Mesmerizing pictures. Her hand holds her ‘cock’, as if it were real. It looks amazing. Fun colors pushing apart those lips, sometimes surrounded by hair, sometimes not. I particularly like the purple ones, especially when the woman is pale-skinned. The contrast is stark and shocking, yet intoxicating. I just can’t look away. The pictures are even more exciting because I know that the other part is inside her.

Oh, and the ones that look realistic? Damn, they look like the real thing sticking right out from her nether regions! Right where a cock might be if she actually had one. It’s safe to say that these pictures have caused many erections and a lot of wet panties. I mean, you can just envision her thrusting away with it, making her partner moan with each stroke, right? I can. That’s what makes my panties wet.

Only one problem. The vast majority of women cannot hold a strapless strap-on in and effectively fuck their partner with it.

Yep. You heard me right. I can only speak with authority regarding pegging, because that’s my passion. Pegging is the world I am immersed in. That’s what happens in my bed, sometimes over the back of the couch or perhaps on the kitchen table. But I do have anecdotal feedback from my lesbian/queer/bisexual friends, and we all agree. Strapless strap-ons simply…aren’t. They don’t work well enough by themselves. They need a harness!

So let’s talk about why this is so. Again, keep in mind I can only speak with authority from the pegging perspective.


It’s Wet in There

First, when a woman gets sexually aroused, she usually gets wet. Slippery wet. Awesome wet. Well, awesome unless you are trying to hold in a strapless strap-on. It’s hard to get a grip on something when you are wet and slippery. The vagina is self-lubricating specifically to make sure that things do slide around inside. So to start with, expecting anything to stay put seems like a fool’s errand. Just sayin’.

Now, where pegging is involved, instead of holding the toy in with vaginal muscles and penetrating another vagina, it’s a vagina holding in the toy and penetrating an anal sphincter. Whereas the level of success is (anecdotally) slightly higher vagina to vagina, when it’s vagina to ass, the ass will win almost every time. Anal sphincter muscles are strong.


Get Going With Those Kegels

So let’s talk about the woman’s pelvic floor muscles that are supposed to keep the toy in, also called PC muscles. These are the ones you can exercise doing some variation of Kegel exercises, with or without a Lelo Smart Bead to help. Kegel exercises can definitely help strengthen a woman’s PC muscles. There are many benefits to exercising those muscles. Where strapless strap-ons are concerned, theoretically, the stronger a woman’s PC muscles are, the more likely that she will be able to hold a strapless toy inside her while she fucks her partner. Sounds good. Just get going with the Lelo Smart Bead and you’re good to go, right?

Wrong. Even with very strong PC muscles, the vast majority of women still cannot hold a strapless strap-on inside while doing any kind of active fucking. Sure, she can lie on her back, put her thighs tightly together and her partner can ride her. That can work.  Or she can clamp her legs tightly together and try the limited number of positions that clamped-together legs will allow. There are markedly few women for whom the ‘strapless’ concept actually works in a knees-spread, I’m going to fuck you hard and fast until you come kind of way, though.

I bring up the PC muscle component of strapless strap-ons, because it gives rise to this harmful myth: If she just does enough Kegels, she will be able to hold in a strapless strap-on.

Why is that harmful? Because even with extremely strong PC muscles, this is simply not true for most women. Sadly, women can end up feeling deficient or defective because they cannot live up to the advertising claims in this regard. Oh, me and my sucky, weak-ass PC muscles, clearly I am a slacker and have not done enough Kegels! Women have even been accused of not doing enough Kegels by their disappointed partners, who believed strapless strap-ons were actually strapless! Weird, right?

One man posted in reddit/pegging that his wife has strong enough PC muscles that when his cock is inside her, if she flexes them full strength, she can almost hurt him. Not even this ‘Queen of the Kegels’ can hold in a strapless strap-on. There’s some perspective for you.


The Cheaper Choice

So what about the cost factor? Some people buy a strapless strap-on to save money, too. Equipment for strap-on sex can get pricey, so if you can get just the one toy and skip the harness, well that will save you money, right? Brilliant! It’s a great concept, if it actually worked. Quite tempting. But quite inaccurate.


Mystifying Marketing

So why are these toys continually marketed as ‘strapless’? Especially when it’s a myth for all but about 5% of women? I don’t know, but it drives me crazy! Manufacturers continue to advertise them as strapless, making an occasional and rare note that maybe she might need a harness to hold it in. Possibly. If her muscles aren’t strong enough.

The purchasers of these toys arrive regularly to my website or to the pegging group on reddit, asking what they did wrong. Why isn’t it working? Why is it so difficult to keep it in? Because my personal mission is to change the world one ass at a time through pegging, I take the time to educate them about the real capabilities of strapless strap-ons. Most of the time they go off and get a harness and eventually find success in pegging.

With that much frustration, though, rest assured much of the pleasure factor goes right out the window, and some women who were reluctant to begin with about trying pegging with their guys reject the whole activity out of hand. Trying to use a double-ended dildo without a harness for your very first pegging experience is not something I would wish on any newbie.

By the way, now that I have established that they are not strapless, I hereby dub them ‘Doubles’, and will refer to them as such for the remainder of this article!

Not For Beginners

Here’s the next important piece of information. In my opinion, Doubles are advanced strap-on toys. The first thing a woman wearing a strap-on needs to do is to learn the basic mechanics of using a cock and fucking someone. She needs to learn how to move, develop new muscles, gain endurance and balance, because fucking someone is an athletic event. I recommend getting a flare-based single dildo with a good harness so she can practice these things. When she has rhythm, strength and confidence, when she knows just what angle, speed and depth really send her man, then get a Double. The time for a Double is down the road a ways, when she has mastered the single and you are both like a well-oiled (and lubed) machine with your pegging skills.

Many men select a Double for their first strap-on equipment purchase because they “want her to get something out of it, too”. Men are programmed to give women pleasure so it can be hard for them to just lie back and receive during the pegging process without feeling a bit guilty and uncomfortable. They need to know that she is getting off, too. Seriously, this is so sweet of them, but somewhat misguided because of the information I just mentioned above. She needs to learn how to fuck first, and the learning curve can be steep.

Picture this. Because seriously, it happens this way more often than not. The woman tries very hard to keep the Double inside her and simply can’t, much less have an orgasm like he wants her to. She doesn’t yet know how to thrust, tilt her hips, and use a cock…because she’s never had one before. All of these factors combine to make for a less than stellar first experience. In fact the recipe fails so often that I don’t understand why Doubles are still marketed as ‘strapless’. I feel that ‘strapless’ marketing is doing a great disservice to newbies interested in strap-on sex.

Doubles – Delicious, Dynamic and Deft!

Now. Here’s the important thing. There are enough things to recommend Doubles without needing to lure people in with a claim of them being strapless. It’s not like there is nothing good about Doubles other than the strapless claim. Doubles are awesome!

They give you incredible tactile feedback because of the inserted bulb that presses against your G-spot. Though you’ll never feel that silicone cock going in and out of your partner exactly like a real cock, with a Double you can feel much more subtle pressures. My favorite is that totally hot moment of initial penetration when I’m waiting for his ass to open up and welcome me in. With a Double I can feel that happening so clearly, the very moment his ass opens and he moans as I slide inside him. It’s a thrill every time and I can feel it happening more vividly with a Double.

Additionally, the pleasure factor should never be downplayed. Doubles are the only strap-on toys that provide G-spot stimulation! Huzzah! That amazing G-spot focus, together with the clitoral vibrations from the Fuze Tango, can provide women with levels of pleasure that can slide them into orgasm territory.

What do I love about doubles? I love to lie on top of my partner for a while and concentrate on all the lovely sensations inside me. Then I begin to move in a way that pleases me. I press into his ass in whatever way thrills my G-spot and clit. He can sense the change. He knows when I am moving for me, instead of for him. That is such a turn on for both of us. I love the way a Double can be used for self-pleasuring while fucking my guy.

Whether a woman orgasms or not, she will likely have a butt load (heh heh) of fun fucking her guy. A Double will definitely allow her to feel more connected and feel more pleasure while fucking her partner. For me, it’s a thrill every time I thrust inside him, feel my G-spot sing and my clit dance between us.

Yeah baby!

So there you have it. The truth (as I see it) about strapless strap-ons.

Now. Can we stop calling them strapless…please?

They are Doubles.


And here’s my favorite!

©Ruby Ryder 2015


This is a common and perfectly acceptable question from newbies. I hear it all the time. The answer, however, is pretty darn complicated. There are many things to consider when buying equipment for the first time. I finally recorded a podcast that details all the considerations that need to be made when purchasing pegging equipment for the very first time. Click on the link below. Feel free to write me with any questions you have! You can contact me at

PeggingParadise Podcast #102 – What’s the best equipment?



Gentlemen, perhaps you have found your way here from links on the internet somewhere and you were intrigued. Or perhaps your lovely SO has mentioned that she’d like to explore your ass. Only one problem – you have never done ass play. Like, in your whole life. Never. Not so much as a finger. It’s okay. Just keep reading…

Ass Play – Where to start?

The best way to learn about your sexuality is to explore your own body. Masturbation is an excellent example. Since you have played with your cock enough to get it down to a fine art, you are much more knowledgeable about what turns you on and what doesn’t, which helps in communicating the finer points of your sexual preferences to your partner. So it stands to follow that the best way to begin finding pleasure in your ass is to explore it yourself, first.

If, at this juncture, you are sort of freaking out, that playing with your own ass somehow makes you gay, read this and listen to this.

Cleaning out to avoid a mess: Many men find that all they have to do is make sure their bowels are empty before playing, and there’s no problem. This works best if you have a good diet with enough roughage and you are relatively young – I’m going to guess, and say under 40. Typically, feces do not sit in the rectal canal. Rather, they stay up in your colon and periodically get released into the rectal canal, and your body gives you the message that you have to go.

If you want to rinse out in the shower to be sure you are cleaned out, you can just buy a fleet enema and empty out the contents without using it, then fill it up with water from your shower. Put small amounts of water (like 1/4 of the bottle) into your ass and expel it, repeating until the water you expel is clear. You are not trying to give yourself a complete enema – just rinse out the rectal canal. Then wash just the exterior of your anus with soap and water. Easy peasy. You are good to go.

If you want more  information about staying clean, read this

Fingernails: Make sure your nails are trimmed and rough edges are smoothed, and/or use gloves (which can help with clean up as well). The lining of the rectal canal is delicate and can tear easily. You don’t want that to happen, so you should never use anything with sharp edges for anal play, including your fingers!

Lube: Lube is an absolutely essential component to enjoying the exploration of your ass! (And please don’t let any stupid porn video make you think otherwise – spit is not lube.) You can use coconut oil, just be sure to put down a towel because it can stain. Also, take a small amount out and put it in a small bowl or on a plate because you don’t want to stick your fingers back in the jar when they have been in your ass and you suddenly realize that you need more lube.

Or, you can get what I consider to be the best anal lube out there – Sliquid Silk Hybrid lubricant. Completely body-safe, no bad ingredients, lasts a decently long time, doesn’t dry out and get sticky. Amazing stuff. Excellent company.

So now you are cleaned out, fingernails trimmed, and you have your lube. What next?

Position: The position that you find the most comfortable to explore your ass in is very individual. Explore a few and see what works best for you. You need to find a position that is comfortable for you so that you can really relax. Laying on your side with one leg drawn up, on your back with your legs up, on your hands and knees, or sitting back on your knees – those are all positions men talk about. Consider using pillows to support your body. I have even heard a man say his favorite position was…sitting on the toilet! That sounds decidedly not sexy to me, but it works for him. Above all, comfort is important. You need to be able to relax.

Turn On: Get yourself turned on in whatever way works best for you. Porn videos on your phone, fantasizing your favorite scene, reading erotica, jerking off, playing with your nipples or your balls, whatever works. The reason why this is important, is because once you start playing with your ass, it will feel better and you will have an easier time finding your prostate if you are already turned on. It swells with prostatic fluid and becomes more sensitive.

Outside First: Your mantra here is going to be go slow. So you want to start massaging your perineum, the area between your anus and your scrotum. Many men love having this region touched, as it is an indirect stimulation of the prostate. Next just massage your anus, around the rim and back and forth and whatever feels good. If you push on the anus without entering, it will encourage everything to relax.

Inside Next: When you are ready, make sure your finger is well-lubed, take a deep breath and as you breathe out, push out as if you are trying to have a bowel movement (don’t worry, if you have cleaned out, you won’t). This allows the sphincter to open and your finger should slide in fairly easily. If it starts to feel uncomfortable or you feel pain, back off and give your ass more time to open up. Don’t rush your ass! Again, go slow. Sit there for a while and just get used to the new sensation. Initially, the only thing you might feel is like you have to go to the bathroom. That will pass. But many of you will already be thrilled with new and very pleasurable sensations.

prostate massage

Locate Your Prostate: Your prostate is located about 2 inches inside, towards your belly button. Exact same location as a woman’s G-spot, if that helps. The prostate is about the size of a walnut, and is easier to find the more turned on you are. Some men will know as soon as they find it. Other men won’t be able to feel anything at all. Once you’ve found it, experiment with what feels good. Gentle pressure? Stroking? Rubbing in circles? Quick in and out? On and off pressure? Just remember not to aggressively poke the prostate. It is a gland and you don’t want to bruise it.

From here, just explore, and discover what feels good to you!

Some Cool Things to try:

Jerk Off: Most men report that an orgasm from combined prostate stimulation and penile stimulation feels about 10 times more powerful than a normal orgasm. Jerk off while playing with your ass and see what happens! As a side note – do not be concerned if you are unable to attain an erection while you are playing with your ass. This is completely normal. Some men have erections that come and go, some men stay hard the whole time and some men can’t get hard at all. All of those are completely normal.

Prostate Massage Only: Alternately, use your fingers or a toy and only massage your prostate. Some men say that they really don’t enjoy concurrent penile stimulation with prostate play, that it somehow distracts them from the amazing sensations they get from the prostate, because it’s a different type of sensation. You might be one of those guys! And some men can even orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, as well as enjoy multiple orgasms (so if you are still reading and were wondering why you should try this…there you go).

Butt Plugs: Will stimulate your prostate and can be worn during many activities. Intercourse, oral sex in either direction, foreplay. Watching a movie with your SO or out to dinner with her. Making a quick trip to the store and wanting to have a more fun experience! No one will ever guess the reason for that big smile on your face. You are limited only by your imagination. And by the toy. For longer term wear, I suggest the Njoy Pure Plugs or the Tantus Ryder Anal Plug. Both of these choices are designed so that the base sits between your ass cheeks more comfortably, and the differential between the widest point and the neck is large enough so that the plugs stay in more easily.

Prostate Toys: Some men find using their own fingers awkward. If you are not flexible enough, your arms are short, torso is long, fingers are short, prostate is further in – there can be a lot of reasons – your ass can be difficult to reach, which makes finding your prostate nigh impossible.

In that case, or if you just want to take your ass play to another level entirely, I recommend four different toys. The first two do not offer vibrations and the second two do. Vibrations are a matter of preference – some men don’t like them at all and say it makes everything sort of go numb. Other men say they can’t really get much pleasure from their prostrate until they use a vibrating toy. Experiment! Remember that anal toys must have a flared base to be safe, and make sure they are not toxic!

Aneros Helix Syn: When inserted, this device is designed to provide hands-free prostate stimulation by clenching your anal sphincter. It’s a great toy to wake up that area of your body to the pleasures that are possible. And some men find they can orgasm hands-free while using it! This is a great toy for beginners. And should the opportunity present itself, it can be worn during intercourse with explosive results!

Njoy PurewandThe curve, length and shape of this toy is absolutely perfect for prostate stimulation, solo or with a partner. Makes your prostate easier to reach, and longer ass play sessions are almost effortless because of the weight of this solid stainless steel toy. Designed by an engineer with a love of ass play, this toy gets rave reviews across the board (and is amazing for G-spot stimulation, too). The Purewand has a smaller end and a larger one, in case your ass starts craving something a little more at some point. The smooth metal will hold heat, and feels delicious warmed up by running hot water over it (not too hot!).

Lelo Billy Prostate Massager: If you like vibrations on your prostate, this is the Cadillac of prostate massagers. The curved design is perfect for reaching the prostate, and the variety of vibration patterns and intensity levels allow you to adjust this toy to your own preferences. Pretty quiet, too! Rechargeable – never worry about batteries again. The size is just big enough to be effective but not large enough to challenge.

Aneros Vice: Another excellent toy that offers vibrations for anal play is the Vice. It’s a beautifully designed piece of equipment, the shape is made to rest right against your prostate. The removable vibrator is machined steel and packs a punch. Three vibration patterns with 3 levels of intensity. Uses one AAA battery. Just as quiet as the Lelo Billy. A of mine says this toy is so intense that he only uses it once a month and the neighbors hear him yell when he comes.


Have fun playing with your ass! Just remember….

Cardinal Rules of Ass Play

No Numbing Agents!

Not Too Fast

Not Too Big

Nothing Sharp

Plenty of Lube

Anal Safe Toys


 ©Ruby Ryder


So, dear readers, it’s that time again. Periodically, I write a post about how pegging is not gay.

Why? Because the assumption is so very prevalent that monthly reminders are necessary for all the newcomers to my blog.

A reminder is also necessary for those of you who are considering trying it out but you have concerns. You guys lurking and reading and trying to decide if you really want to do this wild thing called “pegging” or not? Yeah. This post is for you. Here’s my message for you today:


Don’t listen to the little voice.

You know, the one that says…


He must be gay if he likes ass play.

If I peg him, he’ll leave me and go get a real cock.

If I like ass play I must be gay.

If she pegs me it’s will be like a gateway drug and I’ll want men!

That little voice is not your friend. That little voice is lying to you, misleading you and scaring you. Conclusion: that little voice is not nice. Ignore it.


The only thing that determines your sexual orientation is which gender you are attracted to – not what they do to you!


♥ If you are sexually attracted only to the opposite gender, you are heterosexual.
♥ If you are attracted only to the same gender, you are gay.
♥ If you are sexually attracted to both genders, you are bisexual.


In this age of marvelous and hi-tech sex toys, we can do so many things we were unable to do without them, no matter what gender we are. One of these things is pegging.  Pegging is just a heterosexual couple playing with sex toys! And believe you me, a strap-on is one fun toy to play with.

Take a look around the website and see what the men say about it, how insanely pleasurable it is.

Read why I like pegging.

Read what another woman says.

And ignore the little voice!


I hear from the women all too rarely. I think it is important to hear our point of view in order to understand what motivates us to lovingly fuck your delicious asses. Men often ask – why would a woman want to use a strap-on? What does she get out of it? There are many answers to that question, but sometimes it’s helpful to hear a personal story. The rest of you women out there…we would love to hear your stories, too…


Six months ago my fiancée, then boyfriend of two and a half years, told me he had tried anal play during masturbation and was interested in exploring this together. At first I was mildly upset/offended. Hadn’t I been a good enough lover? Was he bi-because he certainly isn’t gay. Most importantly we had been fucking for two years and he never mentioned it, although he had mentioned an interest in giving anal pleasure. I began to feel ill-equipped to please him, compared to a toned man with a raging hard cock.

Since then he has shared all of his sexual experiences with me, and I have learned that no, my future husband is not gay. Rather he is a heterosexual male who really enjoys having his ass fucked by a woman, and a prostate massage in tandem with being blown.

The best part is…I LOVE it. Seeing my glistening purple Share dildo right before I penetrate him gets me so hot, and I love hearing him moan as he gives me his ass and totally submits all thought.

There is something so erotic about being fucked and submitting as I am being penetrated. To simply feel, and not think. I am so happy to bring that same pleasure I experience to the best lover I have ever known and get to spend a lifetime in the sack with. Since we have started pegging, it has become a normal aspect to our sex life.

I am still coming to terms with accepting that I like to fuck and make sweet love to his ass, but I am coming to accept it. I enjoy taking his ass, and desire to be inside him almost as much as I long for his tongue on my clit when he is at work.

I love anal sex, and what is has done for my sex life.

-Happy Fiancée-


Reassurance for the Men

Gentlemen! Are you a little concerned that you enjoy ass play? Here’s my message for you. It’s all going to be okay, really. Just click the words above and have a listen…

This comment was left on the article “Do Women Love Pegging?” This woman’s experience is not unique. I thought it needed front page exposure.

Ruby, I can’t say I enjoy this site but I am glad you give real advice, nowhere else to turn. My bf and I are having some problems with pegging. I agreed to do it once and hated it completely. I thought once I gave in and at least tried (like I’ve noticed you tell so many women to do) he would at least respect me for trying. Wrong. He talks about it constantly, even more than bjs or vaginal. I wasn’t really turned off by the anal stimulation itself, but the fact that he loved sucking on a dildo really bothered me, that’s taking it a lot further than just stimulation, that’s wanting to suck d*** which is very gay-curious.

So please Ruby as much as you want to tell women this lifestyle is healthy and normal they need to understand that once you open Pandora’s box, you can’t close it and you might not like what you find out. Finding out your bf enjoys sucking and taking something that for all purposes is a penis can be a huge turnoff, especially if it interests him more than a vagina.

Thank you very much for leaving a comment here. I’m sorry to hear that your first time of pegging did not go as well as you both hoped it would, and seemed to be very upsetting for you. Perhaps I can help.

My response is going to be pretty long, and I am going to post this on my blog as well as talk about it on my next podcast, because it’s so important for my listeners to hear. There are definitely other women out there who have had experiences just like you did; you’re not the only one.

I hope you find this information useful. Please understand that pegging isn’t for everyone, and it might not be for you. I’m not trying to talk you into it. Just trying to show you the other side of the picture a little, to hopefully help you understand his point of view.

I wasn’t really turned off by the anal stimulation itself, but the fact that he loved sucking on a dildo really bothered me, that’s taking it a lot further than just stimulation, that’s wanting to suck d*** which is very gay-curious.

So, let’s talk about your assumption that your boyfriend is “gay-curious” because he enjoyed sucking the dildo. First of all – if he is anything other than heterosexual (straight), it’s going to be bisexual – because if he’s fucking you, he is not gay. Gay is if he enjoys men only. Now…Imagine two lesbians who do strap-on sex. If one of them enjoys sucking on the dildo, does that mean she really wants a man? Of course not. I don’t know if your boyfriend is bi-curious. I assume you two have talked about it in the context of your concerns about trying pegging. If he said he’s not, I’d believe him. If you didn’t talk about it, you need to do that and to express your concerns. Pegging is an act, not an orientation. Sure, the equipment you are using resembles a penis, but go back to that lesbian example – it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants a real penis. Ask him.

Sucking the dildo could be something he did because he thought you would like it, in the context of the role reversal experienced in pegging. Let me explain. I have heard more than one man tell this exact story – that when first faced with his girlfriend/wife wearing a strap-on, it is so exciting, because usually he’s been fantasizing about it for a long time, that he doesn’t know what to do. So his first thought is, well if that was me standing there, what would I want? I’d want to have her suck on my dick! So he proceeds to do that and freaks out his partner. She thinks – what the hell? I can’t feel it and is he just pretending I am a man? ‘Cause this feels really screwed up! I get it. I’m not a fan of my partner sucking on the dildo so much. To me it seems pointless, because I can’t feel it and it does nothing for me. But if it does something for him, then it’s more fun for me.

Consider this – many of us have fantasies that are always going to remain fantasies because it’s not something we really want in real life. It could be that it turns him on to think about it but he would never in a million years want to actually do it with a guy.

Also, consider this. If he wanted to be with a man, it would be SO much easier to go have sex with a man than go to the trouble to convince you to try pegging, right? He wants to do this with you.

I agreed to do it once and hated it completely. I thought once I gave in and at least tried (like I’ve noticed you tell so many women to do) he would at least respect me for trying.

Your phrasing is painful to read. You “gave in and at least tried” but seem to have already been anticipating never doing it again and expecting him to respect you for trying and to then leave you alone about it. That’s no way to explore new sexual territory with your partner. It’s a guaranteed failure. If you are at least neutral about trying something, that can work, but it doesn’t sound like you were. And whether that was because you had fears about him being bisexual or that pegging him would fan the flames if he was, I have no way of knowing.

He talks about it constantly, even more than bjs or vaginal.

Imagine if you suddenly discovered that you could have an orgasm 10 times more powerful than anything you had ever experienced. That’s what an orgasm is like with a combination of prostate and penile stimulation. So if you discovered that intense level of pleasure, wouldn’t you want to do that…a lot? Or imagine that you discovered that if your boyfriend stimulated your G-Spot with his fingers or a toy that it could give you a total blow-your-mind, full-body orgasm. Wouldn’t you be eager to do it a LOT? And he might be sitting there going….what about my dick? What about regular intercourse?

So…when men first experience pegging, their enthusiasm for it can be an issue for some couples. And it’s not just about the level of pleasure, it’s also about experiencing sex in a completely different way that allows them to be vulnerable and to open up and receive. It does kind of blow their mind.

My advice for couples who have this issue is to schedule regular pegging, and I am not even kidding. Otherwise, every time they head to the bedroom, he’s hoping she will peg him and she’s pissed off because it feels like that’s all he ever wants. If you schedule it, he can relax and know he’ll be getting it regularly, and you can relax and not feel pressured every time you have sex. Plus, pegging requires some preparation for him, so scheduling helps that, too. Tell him that his continued interest in rocking your world sexually in all the ways he usually does is the price of admission to regular pegging land.

So please Ruby as much as you want to tell women this lifestyle is healthy and normal they need to understand that once you open Pandora’s box, you can’t close it and you might not like what you find out. Finding out your bf enjoys sucking and taking something that for all purposes is a penis can be a huge turnoff, especially if it interests him more than a vagina.

It sounds here like you are saying you now have proof positive that your boyfriend is bi-curious, because of one session of pegging where he enjoyed sucking the dildo and getting fucked by it. The dildo was attached to your body, right? Which I assume has breasts and a vagina? Unless you have talked with him about the bi-curious thing and he has said, “Yes, I am bi-curious”, you are making incorrect assumptions about your boyfriend’s orientation (remember the lesbians!). Pegging doesn’t magically turn a man bisexual and he suddenly starts craving hairy, muscular bodies. Not the way it works. If he was bi-curious to begin with, it might arouse his curiosity a little more, but straight men don’t turn bisexual because of pegging.

…Interests him more than a vagina…

I imagine that feels quite painful, and you need to tell him how it feels to you. In fact – take some time and calmly talk all this through, that would be my advice. Tell him you feel like he’s obsessed with pegging now, that that’s all he wants to talk about and he isn’t interested in your vagina anymore.  Tell him that sucking the dildo really turned you off and freaked you out and tell him why. And then talk with him about his orientation – don’t accuse him of being gay because he sucked a penis-shaped object and had it up his ass. Lesbians fuck each other’s vaginas with penis-shaped objects, too – are they straight? Talk with him about it calmly and ask him if there is any part of him that is bi-curious. That’s the only way you are going to get open communication is to…communicate openly. Otherwise, you can assume anything you want and agonize over it as much as you want, too. And it could all be for nothing.

If he is bi-curious, then you need to figure out what that means for your relationship and go forward from there. But at least you won’t be sitting there accusing him of being bisexual because of something that happened with a sex toy when you two were in bed!

Good luck to you both. And if you feel so inclined – we’d all love to hear what happens.

Ruby Ryder