29. June 2013 · Comments Off on FAQ · Categories: Blog
  1. Do women love pegging?
  2. What’s the best harness?
  3. What’s the best dildo?
  4. What’s the best lube?
  5. What’s the best position?
  6. It feels awkward…what are we doing wrong?
  7. Can she orgasm while pegging?
  8. Can he orgasm while pegging?
  9. How can I try to minimize the mess?
  10. How can I convince my woman to peg me?
  11. How can I convince my man to let me peg him?
  12. Why isn’t he hard?
  13. Why can’t she fuck me like I fuck her?
  14. It just hurts – what are we doing wrong?
  15. We can’t find the prostate – help!
  16. Where can I find a woman who will peg me?
  17. Where can I find a man to peg?
  18. Does the man have to be submissive?
  19. Does the woman have to be dominant?
  20. What if I don’t want to reverse roles?
  21. Why do they call it “Pegging”?
  22. What Questions have I missed?


1) Do Women Love Pegging?

Some women absolutely do, yes. Click here to find out what Ruby loves about pegging.


2) Harnesses

There are a number of good harnesses. First, what to avoid..Steer clear of the cheap, poorly made harness with thin elastic straps – they will not hold the dildo securely enough and aren’t worth the money. I would not recommend Vac-u-loc harnesses because they limit you to the dildos you can buy and Doc Johnson is not exactly a quality name in sex toys. The “two-strap” style of harness usually has better stability and accessibility than the single G-strap style that runs between her cheeks and can get in the way if she wants any action with her lady bits. As with all toys, I say buy once and buy quality. Some couples prefer to get a beginner’s kit, but most couples go straight from the beginner’s kit to something more sturdy and better made pretty quickly, so consider skipping the beginner’s kit if you are an experienced in anal pleasure and ready for something larger to start with. If you have serious doubts either of you will like pegging try a dildo by itself (with her hand) first and if he enjoys it, buy a quality harness to go with it.

Beginners Kits – If you decide to choose a beginner’s kit Tantus makes them but I would advise the intermediate kit because the dildos in the ‘beginner’s’ one are not long enough to allow for thrusting in some positions without falling out. Also – be aware that if you decide to use a double-ended dildo, the Tantus “bend over” harnesses are not compatible.

Harnesses can be made from leather (strong, luxurious and yummy), vinyl (strong, shiny and cleans well), rubber (waterproof, flexible, cleans well) and fabric (comfortable and washable). Leather, vinyl and rubber are porous materials and are not meant to be shared because they are not sterilizable. Fabric harnesses are sterilizable to the extent of putting them through the washing machine. Make sure the “O” rings will accommodate the size dildo you want to buy. Make sure the measurements of the harness will accommodate the wearer. Ruby’s favorites? Aslan Leather…makes some yummy leather, vinyl and vegan harnesses. Aslan wins my sexy and comfortable leather/vinyl/vegan award. Spare Parts has a lovely collection of comfortable, infinitely adjustable harness that are all washable. I have to say the Spare Parts harnesses win the comfort, adjustability and easy care award. Their new harnesses have 2 pockets for bullet vibes.

Other things to consider when selecting a harness…what presses against her lady bits? The leather panel that the dildo sits on? The base of the dildo itself (great for vibe dildos)? Is that a sensation she wants while she is pegging – pressure against her clit? (I know it sounds silly but some women don’t.) How high or low does the harness sit and will that give her the pressure in the place she wants? Some harnesses have a special pocket for a bullet vibe. One can choose to place a vibe in the harness or in the dildo. Some women love harness vibes – some say the vibrations are nowhere near strong enough to do the job or the pockets that hold the vibes are poorly placed. Read the reviews before you buy! Some are not compatible with the double ended dildos, so make sure you know if what you are buying will work with the dildo you select.

3) Dildos

Ahhhh…so many dildos, so little time. First let’s talk materials. Silicone is by far the very best material for a smooth texture, ability to be sterilized, and durability. (Don’t get the toxic jelly dildos – no matter how cheap! You cannot sterilize them and they will expose your body to bad chemicals.) One of my favorite brands of dildos is Vixen Creations. The “Mistress” is a reasonable size for beginners. There are many other quality silicone dildo manufacturers you can find online, too.

I would recommend one with a curve – helps stimulate the prostate. Make sure it will fit snugly in the ring of the harness. And don’t let your eyes be bigger than your ass and buy something too big. That happens more often than you might think. Also, don’t let your apprehension prevent you from selecting anything larger than your finger – you might as well just use your finger. Practice moderation – 1″ diameter and 5 – 6 ” in length works for most beginners. Size and shape can be very individual. Some men love ridges…some don’t. Some men say it’s the girth that gets them off, others say it’s the length and position of the dildo.

There are also “skin-like” materials out there…”Vixskin”, “Tantus O2” etc. They are expensive and they are really nice; a solid inner core and softer outer layer to mimic a real penis. Some people (including me) love them but if you decide to try them out please read this and make sure to get one that is sterilizable – most of them are toxic or porous which means they can hold bacteria.

A word about double-ended dildos like the Tango, Share and the Feeldoe…most couples find that these cannot be used without a harness, no matter how sexy that may be to envision. I would like to emphasize that they are on the advanced end of pegging toys for the majority of people. Some couples love them, but almost all women need a harness to hold them in. The difficulties arise from a) vaginal muscles being no match against the anal sphincter so they are difficult for most women to even keep in, b) the insertion point is the only point of balance as opposed to a nice snug two strap harness which will let you push up down and sideways and c) imagine dealing with all that when you are just learning how to fuck someone else! Not recommended for beginners, especially for women who are even a little reluctant about pegging – you don’t want the additional complicating factor to put her off pegging forever.

4) Best Lube?

You will probably need to experiment yourself here because there is no one lube fits all. Keep in mind you need to use a water based lubricant with Silicone toys. There have been reports of a few very high grade silicone lubes being compatible with silicone toys – but I would test anything on the base of your dildo before using it. Using silicone lubricants on silicone toys can damage your expensive toys. Also – do your own research and decide whether you are comfortable using petroleum products for your innermost passage or other ingredients used to preserve lube that some people consider slightly toxic. For example, this article talks about certain lubes being toxic to cells and tissues because of dissolved salts and sugars. Here’s a quote from the article:

Astroglide, a water-based and therefore condom-compatible lubricant, was found to be the most toxic of the lubes studied to cells and tissues. KY Jelly was also highly toxic to “good” bacteria in rectal tissue. The team found Elbow Grease and ID Glide had intermediate effects in terms of toxicity. Dezzutti and coworkers found PRE and Wet Platinum to be the safest — a fact touted by Wet’s CEO.

My favorite water based is completely natural Boy Butter H2O which is creamy but long lasting texture with no stickiness – and a mild, pleasant scent from the shea butter ingredient. Also noteworthy is Maximus. It is clear, has a gel-like consistency, is made with anal play in mind and lasts a long time without getting sticky. Maximus does have preservatives that some people react to, though. There are many lubes – buy small sampler bottles and test them to find your favorite. This is especially important because there may be an ingredient you react to in the lube and it’s great when you can just throw away the sample size and try something else.

5) What’s the best position?

Depends on what you want to achieve…

Missionary rates high for intimacy (face to face), high for prostate stimulation and high for access to his cock. Depending on how a man’s testicles hang, he may need to hold them up while you thrust…or end up with sore balls the next day. She can hold his legs up, he can hold his legs up, she can put his legs over her shoulders or you can use a sex-sling to do the work for you.

Doggy Style (the man on all fours and the woman behind) rates high for the woman’s visuals, high for ass access (for spanking) and medium for cock access (reach around).

Cowboy rates high for comfort for the woman (he’s doing the riding) high for prostate stimulation (he rides it how it feels best) and high for cock access.

Reverse Cowboy (the man faces her feet) rates high for ass access (spanking), high for the woman’s visuals and high for prostate stimulation (he rides it how it feels best).

The Chairman rates high for intimacy (face to face), high for woman’s comfort and high for prostate stimulation (he rides it how it feels best).

Bulldog (Advanced): The man on his hands and knees and the woman above and behind him with her legs on the outside of his. Here is the visual (with genders reversed). Rates very high for prostate stimulation and high for both ass access and visuals. The woman needs to have very strong thigh muscles. (I didn’t know this was the name of the position but knew about the website of animated sexual positions and was fairly sure I could find an example with the genders reversed – voilà !)

With all these positions…there are so many variables. Let me give you just one example from my personal experience. My legs are quite long (36″ inseam). The distance from my hip to my knee is longer than most people I know. That meant with Doggy Style I had to spread my legs very wide to be at the right height for his ass…so wide it was not as comfortable as it could have been. Pillows can be used to adjust heights sometimes, or if you want the best – get a Liberator sex cushion to play with.

6) It feels awkward…what are we doing wrong?

Nothing. It will feel awkward at first. Women were not born with cocks and it takes a while to get the hang of strapping one on. They also are not used to being the ones running the fuck. Men are normally not used to receiving and being vulnerable. Getting comfortable with something new just takes time.

7) Can she orgasm while pegging?

Absolutely. Not all women can orgasm while pegging their man, but many can, and there are different ways to reach that goal. One is to have a bullet vibe in the base of the dildo (in which case you need to make sure that the harness you use is open in the back so the base sits against her lady bits). One way is to buy a harness with a pocket on the back of it specifically made for a bullet vibe. One way is to have a double ended dildo that is stimulating her at the same time she is fucking him. There are some women who can orgasm simply from pressing against the harness while they are fucking their man. (Go back to the harness discussion for specifics and links.)

8) Can he orgasm while pegging?

Oh HELL yes. Absolutely. Again…not all men can orgasm while being pegged, but most can. This is where it gets a little involved, though. Some men have erections while they are being pegged. Some men don’t. Some men have erections that come and go. Whether he is hard is not an indicator as to whether he is enjoying the pegging…it is just an individual thing…and nothing to worry about. So moving on to orgasms…a man can orgasm from combined cock stimulation and pegging, which men say is about 10 times as strong as an orgasm with just cock stimulation (and produces much more ejaculate). Some men can also orgasm just from pegging. A prostate orgasm for a man is sort of like a G-spot orgasm for a woman. And then there are men who can have multiple orgasms from prostate stimulation. So the answer to that is a big yes.

9) How can I try to minimize the mess?

Keeping it as clean as possible is a combination of diet, thorough showering, anal douching or enemas, and liberal use of towels because of the liberal use of lube. You will find more information about that in this article: “Keeping Things Clean“. If you have never tried anal sex before, it is not normally as messy as you might imagine. Some people never douche or use enemas and don’t have significant problems with messes.

10) How can I convince my woman to peg me?

The answer to that question is actually pretty involved. Read about it here.

11) How can I convince my man to let me peg him?

The answer to that question is pretty involved, too. You can tell him you found something that will give him an orgasm 10 times more powerful that anything he’s ever experienced and produce a lot more come. That will do it for about 75% of sexually adventuresome men (okay, that’s an estimate with no studies to back the figures up, I admit). For the rest, or for the reluctant….read more here.

12) Why isn’t he hard?

If he is not hard….don’t freak out. There are a wide variety of penile responses to anal stimulation. While getting pegged some men will stay hard the entire time, some men’s erections will come and go and some men’s cocks will never get hard. Pay close attention here, though…his erection or lack thereof is not an accurate indicator of whether a man is enjoying the pegging. The best way to know whether your guy is having a pleasurable experience is to actually ask him. Good and open communication is essential during pegging, especially in the beginning. So keep asking if he likes what you are doing if you have any doubt. Some men have even reported that they do not like their cock stimulated during pegging because the sensations are different and it detracts from the prostate pleasure.

13) Why can’t she fuck me like I fuck her?

Women…were not born with a cock. They need time to get used to it. So in the beginning it will seem awkward and hard to manage. From a man’s perspective, it can be frustrating. The balance and natural roll of the hips takes time to perfect. The stamina takes time to build up. The muscles need time to develop. Which all means you just simply need to practice. Yay! It is likely your woman will appreciate you more once she dons a strap-on and fucks you – she will realize that the grace, strength, endurance and balance required to fuck is significant. You guys rock!

14) It just hurts – What are we doing wrong?

Pegging is not for every man. There are indeed some men who despite loving the idea of pegging, they do not feel any pleasure from their prostate or it’s just painful and never gets any better. If you are following all the rules (go slow, use lots of lube, relax, bear down like you are trying to have a bowel movement, start small) then either he just isn’t a man who enjoys pegging or there is a possibility he may have a medical condition (like hemorrhoids) that causes pain when his anus is penetrated. Best to check with a doctor if you have concerns in this area. Pain is an indicator – don’t ignore it. Pegging done correctly should never be painful.

15) We can’t find the prostate – Help!

Here is a map for you. Take a good look at it. The man should find a position that is comfortable for him. Face down with a couple of pillows under his hips is usually a good one. She sits on the bed behind him and uses her finger (gloved if preferred). If she has long fingernails fill the finger ends of a latex glove with cotton balls and then put on gloves before you begin. Anal exploration and long nails do not mix! You want to avoid tearing or scratching the rectal lining at all costs.

I like to use my middle finger, because it is the longest and the prostate can be difficult to reach sometimes. (I have met women who say their fingers are not long enough to reach their man’s prostate and they have to use a toy.) Insert your finger about 2 inches and press downward toward his belly, stroking gently. Poking is not recommended, most men do not like that sensation. Explore and get feedback about which spot feels the best. If he’s turned on the prostate will be much easier to find. The more turned on he is, the more his prostate swells and can be located easily. When a man is about to come it’s amazing how you can feel the prostate get bigger and harder and then release.

Like the G-spot, sometimes men have to sort of get used to feeling pleasure in that spot…it takes a while to wake it up. As long as it feels good, keep exploring and you’ll find it eventually. Using your finger in the beginning is many times easier than using a toy. Once you know where the prostate is, the positioning and angles of strap-ons and toys is easier to picture.

16) Where can I find a woman who will peg me?

Sorry guys, but there is no magic formula for finding a woman to peg you. In the end (pun intended) it’s the same as looking for a woman to date. Read more about this here and here.

17) Where can I find a man to peg?

The truth of the situation is that if you are a woman who loves pegging…you actually have your pick from a significantly large group of men who are looking for a woman just like you. You can explore FetLife(free) or OKCupid(free) or AdultFriendFinder($) and there will no doubt be groups of men bemoaning the fact that there are no women around to peg them. And I don’t mean to sound negative about that. They are interested in pegging and sad/frustrated that there don’t seem to be many women around who are into it. You will not have to look far.

In fact it will be more difficult to find a man who loves pegging but will approach you politely and respectfully when introducing themselves to you. There is something about the prospect of a woman with a strap-on that often seems to turn reasonable men into single-minded crude dudes. The better ones will keep their enthusiasm in check and approach you with manners and style…getting to know the woman behind the strap-on first.

Another possibility for you men is to consider going to a professional. If you can set aside your judgment of sex workers for a moment, have a read.

18) Does the man have to be submissive?

Not at all. Many men do find that they feel somewhat submissive because the act of receiving pegging requires openness and vulnerability. But there is no rule that men must be submissive, nor is there any likelihood that a man will suddenly become effeminate just because he gets pegged.

19) Does the woman have to be dominant?

Not at all. Many women who are interested in pegging have dominant traits, but it is not necessary to be dominant. For a woman, pegging requires being the one to run the fuck, the active and giving role. This can be a new experience for her, but it does not mean she has to turn into a cold demanding bitch who wields absolute power over her guy (not that there’s anything wrong with that!).

20) What if I don’t want to reverse roles?

Then don’t. Pegging can be a close, intimate and tender act between loving partners. There is really no need to look at it any way other than that. If you want to put your own particular kinky spin on it, then by all means go ahead, but that is entirely optional.

Now if there is something inherently mind-twisting about wearing a cock as a woman or getting penetrated as a man…well, that’s just the mind fuck you are dealing with there. It can be a turn-on. But it can also freak you out a little. Take a deep breath and go with it…and always keep open communication with your partner.

In the beginning of a relationship or even an established relationship, when trying something new sexually, it is good to have a debriefing after sex talk about what you enjoyed, what worked, what felt weird…everything. Builds great sex partners and increases intimacy to do this…and not just with pegging.

21) Why do they call it “Pegging”?

Pegging is defined by Wikipedia as a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo. The word “pegging” was popularized when it became the winning entry in a contest in Dan Savage’s Savage Love sex advice column, held after an observation was made that there was no common name for the act. the word can now be found in Wikipedia and the Urban Dictionary…and all over kinky websites!

22) What Questions have I missed?

Is there a pegging question you were looking for the answer to and you didn’t find it here? Help me make this section more complete…go to the bottom of the page and click “Write Ruby” – send me your question!

Yes, there are indeed many women who love pegging. All women are different and their specific reasons for enjoying strap-on sex are as many and varied as the individual women are. Some women enjoy pegging as another tender, sensual addition to sweet lovemaking. Some like to combine it with other kinks (and those are many and varied as well). Certain themes rise to the top when women talk about why they like pegging. The vulnerability of the man. The taboo aspect. The pleasure of running the show. The fascination of sexually switching places. The deepening of intimacy.

I most definitely love pegging. I know, no surprise there!

But what is it exactly that turns my crank when I don a strap-on and peg my guy? My, my, my…so many things.

The Pleasure Principle

More than any other reason, I love to peg a man because it brings him so much pleasure. Some time ago I had the privilege of introducing a new  lover to pegging. After he came exquisitely hard in his hand while I sunk deep inside him…he gasped, “I had no idea!” I love the cause and effect of watching a man’s body react when I thrust inside him. I love the moans and gasps I can elicit. Pegging allows me to actually be inside him giving him pleasure, which is a thrill in itself; the only time in sexual play that I get to do that. But mostly…I just love to put a man in ecstasy with my strap-on.

Open up, Baby

There is a vulnerability that is necessary for a man to be penetrated. I don’t really see that with vanilla sex. A softness in his face. His eyes become a little unfocused or they close. I love that vulnerability. I love to see a man purely receptive and open…it is a rare and beautiful sight. That vulnerability makes me want to gather him in my arms and fuck him sweetly and continuously until he comes with cries of passion.

Happy at the Helm

I love…running the fuck. I am in control. I can tease him…or pound him…until he begs for release or respite. I can change the angle of my toy just a bit and know it’s driving him crazy with pleasure. Or I can stay still, buried inside him and drive him crazy with wanting more. I am wearing the dildo, so I get to decide.

Forbidden Fruit

I love the taboo aspect of it. I mean, as taboo thrills go – fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo is like the Dubai Tower of illicit sex thrills for me. But also there is the whole ass thing. Sadly, asses suffer from widespread discrimination. People who are happy to dress up their derrière  in sexy articles of clothing designed to attract widespread attention…would never think of  undressing that ass and actually taking it for a drive to see what it can do! Asses are often thought of as a dirty, nasty place that serves only one function, period. Well, let’s see…dirty? Absolutely. Which is why you wash it really, really well before you start playing with it!  Nasty? Yes! Nasty with a capital N and an exclamation mark. The juicy, titillating, throbbing, aching, fun kind of nasty. …Serves only one function? Well there are many many gay men who would beg to differ…and thankfully a growing number of straight men who have also discovered the joys of anal pleasure. *steps off soapbox*

Deliciously Dissident

Flouting  intolerant opinions is a hobby of mine. Above and beyond the ass itself, a lot people have judgments about pegging, from both sides of the dildo. If you are a man who likes pegging, clearly you must be gay…and if you are a woman who likes pegging, you wish you were a man. I love flying in the face of all those judgments and doing what I want just because I enjoy it. Sometimes I think that I gravitate towards kinkier stuff because there is a part of me that resists anyone telling me what I  should or shouldn’t do, most especially in the realm of sexual exploration. So if people view something as taboo – damn, that might be a hot thing to try! I am a bit of a rebel at heart. Does it give me a charge to know that if I told some of my friends about my proclivity for pegging, they would be shocked? Indeed it does. *smile*

The Visuals

The delectable vision of spreading those cheeks and sinking slowly into his ass…that is one of the hottest,  most amazingly arousing visuals I have ever seen….like, ever. Now I know why some of the kinkier dating sites that have amateur videos are overrun with clips of men holding a video camera pointing straight down as their cock is sinking into their woman who is on her hands and knees…I get it, guys! And from a different position, the look on his face when I am stroking my strap-on in and out…that surprised naked passion sort of OMG-what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-to-me-I-love-this look. It’s incomparable. His hands reaching back to pull his ass cheeks apart. Riding me and stroking his cock. So many visuals! Who says women aren’t as visual as men! If more women tried pegging perhaps the numbers would change.

My Pleasure

Do I get pleasure? Oh yes. Oh God, yes. Dripping throbbing, aching, clenching pleasure…without a doubt. I’m playing with how to orgasm while I am actually pegging my guy. Some women do…and I want to join them in that singular pleasure. There are dildos that offer a vibe in the base that are slated for experimentation…I’ll let you know how it goes. Might take a lot of practice…I don’t think he will mind.

Yes indeed, some women love pegging!.

Ruby Ryder

19. June 2013 · Write a comment · Categories: Blog · Tags: , ,

Warning: Clinical blog post coming up. If you wanna play, ya gotta know the rules…

Link to previous post; The Basics of Rimming

While rimming can be a wonderfully intimate, hot experience to give and receive, please know the risks before diving in to that adorable, inviting puckered hole… Consider carefully the exposure you are risking. Unprotected analingus is like unprotected sex and can expose you to the same risks plus some others.

The Risks: Some pretty nasty viral STDs can travel from anus to mouth including herpes, Hepatitis C, Hepatitis A, HPV or HIV. Small cuts or abrasions are not unusual in the mouth, especially after brushing your teeth and flossing. E.Coli infections are a possibility as well.

Hep C and HIV make using protection mandatory. You don’t want to take a risk with these.

Herpes and HPV are kind of an in-between category. Many people already have been exposed to these viruses…and despite the social stigma attached to them they are easily treatable and sometimes non-symptomatic. For what I consider to be a healthy view of these two STD’s, listen to episode 195 of one of my favorite podcasts – “Savage Love” with Dan Savage. (If you have found your way to my blog – Dan Savage is practically required listening!)

The risk of an E.Coli infection is fairly remote and reduced greatly by washing thoroughly before playing, and by taking care of your general health to maintain healthy immunity.

Heptatis A gets a little complicated. Even if you and your partner are exclusive and know you do not have the more serious STD’s, if you insist on rimming without protection, you are smart to get a Hepatitis A vaccination. Why? Because the virus can be found in fecal matter. Although the HAV (Hepatitis A Virus) is only excreted in the feces at the end of the incubation period of the infected person, some people show no symptoms when infected. And check this – Some people who contract HAV can experience a variety of very unpleasant symptoms for up to 40 weeks that can indeed compromise your quality of life. No one wants an experience like that. Keep in mind you can also get infected with HAV through contaminated food and water and this vaccination will protect you from those sources of infection as well.

A vaccination will give you solid protection against the Hepatitis A Virus in 95% of cases for a period of 10 years. The  protection will start 2-4 weeks after the vaccination is given. For those die hard rimming fans who just know you can’t keep your warm wet tongue out of your partner’s ass for long…an additional booster shot administered 6 – 12 months later will provide protection for up to 20 years.

So what is this “Protection” of which you speak? “Barrier” is the correct terminology, and “Dental Dam” is the more widely known form of protection. No – we are not going to be biting the anus here – it’s just that the rectangular pieces of latex that dentists use to protect you from all kinds of stuff going down your throat work really well as a sexual barrier! Bless those dentists. (Will you ever be able to go to the dentist again and not think of sex?!!)

To be completely safe, it is advisable to use a dental dam, or rectangular piece of latex, as a barrier between your mouth and the anus. There are many for sale here and here, in a variety of sizes, thicknesses, opacities, colors and – are you ready for this – flavors!

In a pinch, you can make a barrier with an un-lubricated or dry condom by cutting off both the tip and end, then cutting down the length of it.

If you are rimming with casual partners, please always use a barrier. Refraining from using protection during rimming of a casual sex partner is like fucking them without a condom; not too smart.

Okay – a treat for those of you who read through this necessarily overly-clinical post about the risks of rimming:

For you, dear readers, a spicy viewing recommendation available through instant view on Netflix (for my readers in the USA). The Australian HBO series “Satisfaction” is about a group of women working in a brothel. Highly recommended viewing – gorgeous women (and men!) in unbelievably beautiful lingerie (mostly just the women), this series has amazing eye candy and offers depth as well with portrayals of the joys and pains of being a sex worker (as imagined by the writers of the show, anyway). Very sexy. I’m getting ready to watch season one and two for the second time, and wait for the release of each season with great anticipation. There is a scene where one of the girls makes a dental dam out of a condom, just in case you need to see it done…

Until next time…Happy Rimming.

Ruby Ryder

Rimming, as sexy and hot and intimate and delightfully nasty as it is…is not everyone’s cup of tea. Yet some people love the feel of teasing their tongue into their partner’s ass and feeling them squirm with pleasure. And many people love the sensation of a warm wet tongue pushing into their anus. It can be exquisite. (Can you tell I am biased, here?)

But let’s back up (subtle pun intended) and begin at the beginning for those of you not familiar with the terminology.

Rimming: Using your tongue and lips to stimulate your partner’s anal opening – also called analingus.

Perhaps some of you out there are going ewwww. But there are many of us who love the sensuality of loving attention in such a vulnerable place. Others are turned on by the taboo factor and perceived nastiness of it. The anal area is definitely full of sensitive nerve endings and can be just the thing to stimulate a wickedly intense orgasm. Additionally, rimming can also be lovely foreplay to pegging.

So how does one go about “rimming”? Since you have found your way to this website I assume you take pleasure in or are curious about anal penetration (either giving or receiving). Because this site is all about the glorious act of pegging, I will concentrate primarily on male receiving, though women love rimming, too!

Rimming can be a delicious, teasing introduction and invitation to anal penetration. Men who are interested in the idea of pegging but are inexperienced or apprehensive can experience rimming to see if anal stimulation turns their crank. (I have yet to meet a man who didn’t enjoy it.)  The flutter of a warm wet tongue on his sensitive, puckered opening can produce spontaneous exclamations of pleasure…occasionally a full octave higher then normal…


The optimum positions for receiving rimming are either on hands and knees or laying face down with 2-3 pillows under the hips (or if you are a connoisseur of sex furniture – a Liberator sex cushion rocks.)

The advantage of the hands and knees position is that it will part his cheeks nicely, all the better to receive your attentions. Also, you can easily reach your hand underneath him and stroke his balls and cock for a mind-blowing orgasm.

The benefit of using pillows or a cushion is that it will allow him to relax completely while your tongue and lips are tantalizing his sweet ass…and for beginners, this can be important. If the pillows or cushion are placed forward a bit, giving his manly equipment some room, you can pull his cock back to stimulate it if that’s comfortable for him. Many times if you start with him on pillows at a certain point he will spontaneously get up on his hands and knees just because he wants…more. More stimulation of his cock, deeper penetration of his anus with fingers, toys, or perhaps a strap-on. But I do get ahead of myself…


Massage your partner’s back and butt to relax him. Kiss the back of his neck…brush your nipples against his back. Gentle or feather-light fingers on the small of his back, his butt, the insides of his thighs and his balls. Tune him in sensually. Then pull his legs gently far enough apart (if they are not there already) so you can settle yourself behind him and have the object of your attentions front and center. Knead and stroke his ass cheeks, kissing and licking them softly. Work your way gradually down his crack to his anus. Slowly. Rimming is something to take your time with.

The whole point here is that by the time your tongue actually touches his anus you want him to have been imagining how it would feel for the last 5-10 minutes; craving it. Even if your guy is quite experienced, approaching rimming this way is a first-rate erotic tease. If you get off on seeing your guy squirm – I highly recommend the slow approach.

The Act Itself

There are a variety of techniques that you can mix and match:

Reach your tongue as far as you can down to his perineum or “taint” and begin licking there, slowly working your way up to his anus.

Kiss his anus with soft lips, slowly, over and over.

Touch your soft, warm, wet tongue to his ass and just leave it there for a while, then slowly beginning to move it around.

Flutter your tongue around the edges of his sensitive puckered opening.

Lick him with regular firm strokes of your tongue.

Stiffen your tongue and insert it into his anus, basically fucking him with it.

Your partner will let you know which of these he likes the best, either by moaning or gasping…or pushing back to get more of the luscious thrills you are offering. Pay attention to these signs and you will discover his favorites.

What’s Next?

For some men, rimming can be intensely enjoyable for a fairly long period of time without any other stimulation. Others will crave fingers, butt plugs, dildos and/or cock and balls attention pretty quickly because rimming turns them on so much. At that point it is up to you (and perhaps the nature of your relationship) whether to indulge your man’s urges or make him wait for it.

My personal preference? There are few things as erotically thrilling as when I have made him wait for it so long that when his pegging adventure commences I am treated to his voice, rough with passion, pleading, “Fuck me!”

Bathe That Butt

Okay – I did this kind of back-assward here, because obviously, asses need to be washed thoroughly before rimming. Part of the act can involve a seductive bath or shower together so you are both squeaky clean. Enemas can be part of the ritual if that is something you enjoy, so that you know you are clean inside as well.

The possibility of STD and STI transmission is a very important consideration with rimming. You need to be fully informed about the risks you are taking if you decide to perform rimming without a barrier. As with any sexual activity, know the risks and then make your own decisions.

Butt (hee hee), my dear readers, the hour grows late and I will address that issue in detail in my next post. I know…that’s like placing a gourmet meal in front of you and asking you not to eat it until I give you the fork (you are so gonna use your fingers…). I guess I  am indeed an insufferable tease…!

Seriously, you can find that information pretty easily on the internet – so if you are hot to try out some things I described and can’t wait until my next post, be responsible and please educate yourself about the risks first.

Link to my article: The Risks of Rimming

Happy Rimming!

Ruby Ryder

One of the first questions I hear from ladies who are new to the concept of Pegging is, “Doesn’t it hurt?”

Now these might be ladies who have yet to explore posteriors in any serious fashion – either their own or the posterior of their partner. Yet sometimes I think that reaction is a direct result of their own ass having been at the receiving end of rushed and inexperienced fingers/cocks/toys.

It may indeed be a thrill (for both parties) after indulging in extended foreplay to thrust a cock fast and deep into a slick and wet pussy. Awesome. Just don’t try that with an ass…because all but the most experienced in anal play will probably experience pain, no matter how copious the lube. Key word for anal exploration…slow. Take your time, tease that puckered little hole until you can feel your partner pushing their ass back wanting more. You want them reaching for it, hot for it…because it feels so good. Take…your…time.

So how exactly does one go about teasing an anus? Thought you’d never ask.  Next time…”The Basics of Rimming”.

Thought for the day: Yes, a woman can fuck her man in the ass with a dildo and still be a “lady”. In fact the contradictory nature of combining the two can be seriously hot! “Madonna/Whore” much?

Some prefer their dildos to look realistic. Others enjoy finding one in their favorite color. This is the “Mistress” in shimmering purple by Vixen Creations. 100% silicone. And that’s me wearing it.

Ruby Ryder

A man found my website with the search words:

“i bled after being pegged”

This situation always concerns me. Anal tissues are much more fragile and subject to tearing than, for example, vaginal tissues (where babies are born from). So many people do not realize that care must be taken when approaching anal penetration. A LOT of care. And too many people don’t seem to realize that when I say slow I really mean slow…like half an hour of foreplay, not just sticking your finger in his ass for a minute and then two fingers for a minute and then shoving a dildo up his ass. NO!!!

If you go too fast with pegging, it can definitely cause problems. Bleeding is one of them. If you see any blood while pegging, call it a night, give his ass a rest and try in a couple of days. Usually there will be pain connected to bleeding, too. So some people wonder when to be concerned if there is bleeding. If it’s just a spot or two, no problem. You should still stop the fucking and let his ass recover. If there is more blood and/or it doesn’t stop, a trip to the doctor might be in order. These are the Mayo Clinic’s guidelines for seriousness of symptoms.

For the Newbies

Step-by-step foreplay in my article “Newbie Ass Play”