If you are a man who wants to approach your woman about pegging this article is for you.

(If you are a woman who wants to approach your man about pegging, click here.)

 

http://isissandosiriss.tumblr.com/image/28677070563

http://isissandosiriss.tumblr.com/image/28677070563

Podcast #112 – For the Ladies

Update: I recorded the above podcast specifically for the circumstances where you have just introduced your partner to the concept of pegging. The podcast is in my voice, talking to her. I offer accurate information, dispel myths and misconceptions, and emphasize the health of the relationship above all. I don’t try to persuade, I inform, and verbally hold space for those who decide it’s not their thing. Please listen to it first before sharing it with your partner, because only you can decide whether it’s appropriate for her!

I Don’t Want Her to Think I’m a Freak

For you gentlemen who have an established relationship and you want more than anything to convince your partner to peg you…what is the best way to do this? How can you approach your lady…and let her know that pegging is what you fantasize about, dream about…that you’d like nothing more than to have her slide a smooth silicone cock slowly up your ass? And how can you get this idea across without her thinking…you are a freak/gay/twisted/weird? I will do my very best to try and help you here…but please realize there are many contributing factors. While some of you may be able to just casually mention your interest and quickly find yourselves shopping for the right dildo, others will find that despite their best efforts, their partner won’t consider pegging…at all, period, end of discussion, case closed. But let us remain hopeful…


Communication and GGG

First, communication is the key. You need to be able to ask for what you want. If you can’t open your mouth and talk with your partner about sex, she is not going to magically intuit that you want to get fucked up the ass with a dildo. If you demand instead of ask…that’s not likely to meet with any success, either. Take a good long look at your relationship first. Do your very best to practice Dan Savage‘s GGG – Good, Giving and Game. “Think ‘good in bed,’ ‘giving equal time and equal pleasure,’ and ‘game for anything—within reason.'” If you just want to find one more way to please yourself and you don’t really give a flying fuck about her pleasure, don’t bother asking for anything until you get your act together…seriously. We are not just talking about your lady’s willingness to peg you…we are also talking about the state of your relationship with her…Think about it. Make sure you take into consideration her state of mind and whether she is stressed out with time demands, work, children, etc. Do your best to alleviate her stress and make sure you contribute equally to the relationship.

If you are indeed GGG and think you have a partner who is so open to new things while remaining unaffected by misconceptions and stereotypes that you can just tell her straight away that you would like to try pegging, by all means go for it. Some men actually have success this way! But be forewarned that you may also put her off the idea for good. Big risk. If you even get a hint that any part of her will be reticent about the idea for whatever reason she may have, I’d advise using a different, more gradual approach. Keep reading.

 

Important – Do Not Ask For Strap-on Play Right Off!

Patience is the key here. Many women when asked for strap-on play right off the bat have refused because they have no idea what pleasure the prostate can bring. Also, they have nothing to counter the usual misconceptions connected with pegging. If those same men would have asked just for fingers to start with it’s likely that some of the women who refused would have indulged their men in an attempt to bring him pleasure and then discovered just how amazing it could be for their man. So remember, have patience and ask for fingers first. Bide your time.

Next, let’s divide your women into two general categories: those who accept anal stimulation themselves and those who don’t.

 

She’s Into Anal

If your lady has already shown a willingness to engage in anal play, you have a foot in the door. If she is willing to let you put a finger or toy or your cock in her ass, there is a much better chance she will consent to exploring yours. Tell her you can see she is enjoying it and you want to see what it feels like. Or…you read an article about prostate orgasms and want to experiment. Or you heard from a friend/read on the internet that men can have insanely powerful orgasms with a lot of come and you’d like to try it out just to see what happens!

 

She’s Not Into Anal

This is a more difficult category, guys. Maybe you have a woman who has always refused anything anal; you touch her anus and she flinches or pulls away. There can be a lot of reasons for this. Perhaps she was told as a child her anus is dirty and should never be touched. Perhaps she thinks that only sluts have anal sex. Perhaps she is a bit of a germaphobe. Maybe she’s just totally grossed out by anything to do with excrement. Or maybe it’s just as simple as she has not yet been able to open up and own her sexuality without being concerned about what other people think. Sometimes that comes with age. Any or all of these could be true. Or…it could also be true that no one has ever played with her ass before (including you) and she just doesn’t know how pleasurable it can be.

Be aware that there are women out there that just don’t like receiving any kind of anal – yet that does not preclude their interest in fucking you! So even if your partner is not into anal at all – she could still be an enthusiastic pegger. Receiving anal herself is not a requirement. So if your partner gladly slips a finger up your ass during a blow job but steadfastly refuses to let anything near her ass, this is still good news. Just skip down to Offer Another Trade.

 

For the woman who is not into anal, consider the following approaches and ideas:

Explore Her Ass First

Two ways to do this…only you know your partner well enough to know which one might work best.

1) Get her incredibly horny (oral, kissing, nipple play, etc.) and ask if you can please, please, please play with her ass. Put your pride aside and fucking beg, if that’s what it takes. Promise her that you will only use your lips, tongue (if you are into rimming) and one finger or a small toy; your cock is not going to come anywhere near her ass. Because that is the fear of many women – the ignorant and savage thrust of a cock up an ass as if it were a pussy has put many women off anal sex….forever. So you need to go at this ultra-slow. And no matter how tempting it is for you to slide your cock into her ass…don’t do it unless she asks for it! And even if she asks for it, continue to tease and play and open her up for a while until she’s begging for it and you can easily put 2 – 3 fingers inside her. If she doesn’t ask for it…do some ass play as foreplay and then fuck her vaginally. Afterward, wax poetic about how totally hot that was to play with her ass and you absolutely loved it. The idea here is to get her used to ass play in general before asking her to peg you…and to wake her ass up to the pleasure potential there. Important: while you are playing with her ass keep the communication lines open and keep asking her if she likes what you are doing as you try different things.

2) Discuss your desire to play with her ass when you are not in bed, when you are having some close together time. Ask her if she would be willing to let you play with her there…that you promise it won’t hurt and just the thought of it really gets you excited (and you swear you will absolutely not put your cock up her ass). Reassure her, if it seems necessary, that you will love and respect her no matter what you two do in bed, and you will attend to cleanliness issues in whatever way helps her to feel comfortable. If you are not into rimming or the thought of it grosses her out, fingers and small toys are fine…even a small toy that vibrates! If she agrees, proceed as described above. If she becomes receptive to anal play, consider anal beads and experiment with pulling the beads out at the moment of orgasm trick. Find out what she likes best – ask questions!

 

Offer a Trade

If she is reticent – offer a trade. Tell her that if she will let you play with her ass one night, you will do whatever she wants the next night. And be ready to fulfill any reasonable request of hers. This is all about mutual pleasure. If you can get her to enjoy anal play…it is much easier to introduce the concept of her exploring your ass. (If she refuses – see below “Show her How Good it Feels For You”.)

Once you have played with her ass several times very successfully (not necessarily even fucked it) you can try talking with her about how you would really like to know how ass play feels. You can see how much she is enjoying it, and you read/heard that orgasms for men can be insanely powerful with anal play. Don’t mention the strap-on yet. If she goes for it – excellent! If she is still reticent…

 

Offer Another Trade

Tell her you will trade her one night of pleasing her in whatever way she likes best (it’s all about her) for a night where she indulges you in some ass play (it’s all about you). Suggest that if there is something she’s wanted to try but hasn’t asked for yet, this would be a fine time to put it on the table, as you are very interested in pleasing her sexually in the way she wants to be pleased. And you’d like to explore your interests as well. Just be ready to put on the lace panties or paint her nails or whatever it is she wants. As long as it is not a hard limit – it would behoove you to indulge her…just as you are asking her to indulge you.

 

Resistant? Start Off Slow

Do not go straight to asking her to fuck you in the ass with a dildo! Too much, too fast. Tell her again that you have discovered/read/heard that ass play feels really good for men and you want to explore it with her. Have her try fingers first (gloves if she wants them), giving her nothing but positive feedback if she’s game. Pick out a plug together and ask her to put it in you to wear while you are fucking her or when she is giving you a blow job or hand job. (Invite her to wear it while you are fucking her, too!) Exclaim how amazing your orgasms are with the plug in and suggest you try other toys. Maybe at that point talk with her about strap-ons. Tell her, while looking into her eyes with the best smoking-hot look you can muster, that just the thought of her…wearing a strap-on and doing you…about sends you over the edge. Just the thought.


Choose Your Timing

Do not start a conversation like this when you are in the middle of having sex. Talk with your partner about this out of the bedroom. Otherwise she will feel pressured and believe me – you stand a really good chance of killing the mood…and killing your chances. Choose a time when she is relaxed, receptive and maybe even had a glass or two of wine. An incredibly important point here is that you need to be a partner who is responsive to her needs if you are asking her to be responsive to yours. Read that again and think about it…and if you are not that kind of partner, make those changes before you ask for pegging. Your woman needs to feel that you take very good care of her needs and desires in the bedroom. If she feels that way, she will be much more likely to give you what you are asking for.

 

Confidence

A friend of mine offered another very important point to keep in mind when you ask for what you want. Her words say it best.

“Women are like dogs in that we can smell fear….if, when you ask us to play with your ass, you are worried or nervous, we will sense it and think you’re asking for something weird. If you project confidence that you’re asking for something totally normal, we’re more likely to agree.” Strap-on Jo

 

You’re Gay?!…This Will Turn You Gay!!

Undoubtedly, some of you will encounter the “gay” reaction from your partner. So…

I am going to give you a few choices of what to say if she accuses you of being gay or worries that if she pegs you it will “turn” you gay.

  • “That’s silly, Honey. If fucking a guy in the ass with a dildo makes him gay…then fucking a lesbian with a strap-on will turn her straight!”

Okay, maybe you don’t talk this way…maybe you are at a fine restaurant and trying to have this conversation clandestinely. Here is a toned-down version:

  • “Don’t be silly, Darling. The area of my body that I enjoy having stimulated has no bearing whatsoever on the gender I prefer. I am completely, 100% straight, period. The only person I want playing with me…there…is you.”

Other options:

  • “Nope, I definitely prefer breasts with my strap-on. Would never let a guy near my ass. You got nothin’ to worry about, Babe.”
  • I am just interested in exploring whatever brings us pleasure, Honey…I haven’t switched camps!!”
  • Your pussy is the only thing I want to sink my cock into, and your strap-on is the only thing I am interested in having sunk into me.”

You can also show her or read to her “No, He’s Not Gay” where I go into this in more detail.

 

She’s Freaked Out by Wearing a Cock

I didn’t know this was an issue, because I never had any back off strapping on a dildo. Some women, however, have a real reaction to it. She may think it means she wants a cock and it freaks her out (tell her you know she doesn’t want a cock for real – this is just about using toys to play)…or it feels too much like role reversal and she is really not into that idea (tell her you have no interest in reversing roles…but you are interested in playing with toys)…or it’s just too awkward and she feels foolish (tell her trying something new often feels awkward and that’s okay – you will both figure it out). If your lady has played with your ass and is okay with that, leave the harness aside and let her use the dildo with her hand. Once she tries it she may warm up to the idea of strapping it on. She may not, but one can hope.

 

It’s Dirty

If she’s resistant because of the “dirty” idea, tell her you will prepare by giving yourself an enema and she can use gloves. You will do everything you can to be as clean as possible. This means not eating a lot of crap or drinking alcohol a few days before, too, because that will make your feces stink more than usual. Read “Keeping Things Clean” and take the advised steps to ensure a positive experience for both of you.

 

Do NOT Show Her the Porn

Whatever you do, do NOT show her your favorite porn clip of pegging! I say this because the vast majority of “professional” pegging porn includes aspects of humiliation, feminization and abuse. If you play that way – more power to you, but I suspect if you are here reading this article you have a partner that might be a little more vanilla. The very last thing you want is for her to see that porn showing a guy dressed up as a woman and being beaten while she taunts him and fucks him. Again – this is not a judgment about what turns you or your partner on. I am just saying be aware of what you are exposing her to and how she might react to it. Spend some time looking for a few hot amateur porn clips that are loving and gentle and the man is moaning in ecstasy. They are out there!

 

Show Her How Good it Feels For You

If she is completely unwilling to give or receive anal pleasure and you are not willing to live without it, go ahead and carefully lay your cards on the table that you are very interested in ass play yourself, even if she does not want her ass explored. Consider asking her if you can just put in a butt plug while you fuck her, just to see what it feels like. She won’t have to do anything; you put it in yourself (moan a little). When she sees/hears the intensity of your orgasm, she might be more curious and interested in checking out your ass. This works for women who are sincerely interested in giving their men pleasure. If she doesn’t give a hoot about your pleasure…I don’t have any magic words for you. Maybe call Dan Savage (sex advice columnist) to explore your options.

 

Warning! Read This Before You Act!

Men who would love to experience pegging have fears of expressing their desires, understandably. There are some men who never confess their fantasies much less try to turn them into reality because they are so afraid of or even certain of rejection. Indeed, with the taboo factor and society’s puerile judgment that if a man likes anything anal he must be gay, men’s fears are legitimate. I’m telling you this because you need to make sure your partner is trustworthy before you divulge your innermost sexual desires to them. Only you can make that judgment call. And I so wish I had a magic wand for you. On one hand I would love to see you guys let go of your fears and express your desires to your partner.

I have heard amazing stories of men who did just that and their women, after initial surprise, agreed to try it and ended up loving the feeling of fucking their husbands. I have heard stories of how it totally renewed the sexual spark in a relationship of many years. Yet I have also heard sad stories of women who called their husband gay and never fucked them again. Honestly, I just want to slap those women for being so sexually fucked up and for being so cruel to their husbands. So again…we come back to the point that your relationship needs to be solid, intimate, sexual, trusting, open and communicative. If divulging a yearning for pegging might destroy your relationship, you need to decide whether you can go the rest of your life not having your sexual needs met, whether you need to leave the relationship and find someone more sexually compatible or whether you can come to an agreement that you can get your needs met elsewhere. Tough questions.

 

A Request From Ruby

For those of you who have success with your ladies, do me a HUGE favor and ask her what it was exactly that convinced her to try it? Then write me an email and tell me! I want to know what persuades an initially reluctant woman to strap one on and learn to love fucking her man. And then I will do my very best to bring many more women around to the idea….because I know how much you all want it.

 

Gentlemen…I will keep your wanting and willing asses in my thoughts (that’s easy) and hope you all find yourselves enjoying a thorough pegging very soon.

 

Ruby Ryder

 

 

 

 


In the pegging world there are many men looking to explore pegging on a casual basis and not many women who are ready to sink it deep inside them outside the structure of a relationship. When I get letters from these men or find threads asking if there are any women who want to peg them I usually suggest the men either go to a professional or look for a relationship with a woman who is sexually open-minded and attempt to convince her to try it. The relationship route requires patience, dedication, timing and has no guarantee of success, sadly. And perhaps the man is not desirous of a relationship in his life; he just wants to try pegging.

When I suggest the option of a pro, I often see some variation of this response:

Never paid for sex in my life and not going to start. I don’t recommend anyone pay for something you can get for free.

Judgment about sex workers frustrates me. They rock.

But let’s explore this. Can a man find a partner who will peg him for free? Sure. Is it a difficult thing to do unless he is incredibly hot, single and awesome? Well, judging from all the posts on just about every pegging group that allows personals around the internet, I would say the answer to that is an unequivocal yes. Perhaps less difficult if you are from the younger generation (20’s) who seem to be more open-minded around pegging and sexuality in general. But still far from an easy task to accomplish. There are men on forum boards I frequent who have literally been looking for years without success.

Are there actually women out there who love to peg men and would enjoy a wild night of pegging with a relative stranger with no monies exchanging hands? Yes, there are a few here and there. They are exceedingly rare and are usually seeking out the incredibly hot, single and awesome men.

 

For a single man who has never tried pegging, let’s examine the comparison between going to a professional and trying to find a woman to peg him for free.

For Free

You can attempt to find a woman who is into pegging. You can approach a woman you have just met about pegging and possibly have her reject you as a result. You can worry about whether she will go and tell everyone in your social circles that you want to be fucked up the ass after she rejects you. (This may not be a concern for all of you, but if it is, it is a very real concern.)

You can feel uneasy about buying expensive equipment when you aren’t sure if you will even like pegging. You can wonder whether that equipment will fit her correctly and whether she will be able to have an orgasm, if she even wants to. You can worry about whether the steep learning curve will frustrate her and she will refuse to try it again after the first experience. You can hope that she will not hurt you, in her inexperience. And you can hope that the communication between you will be adequate to facilitate a good experience, because good communication is essential for pegging. And good communication takes time to develop.

Don’t mistake me here…experiencing the adventure of strap-on sex with a partner who you are already in a relationship with can be an amazingly life-changing experience. All of those equipment questions, the communication, the learning curve, the making sure you don’t get frustrated or hurt and both of you find pleasure are all still paths you will travel, but you have the foundation of a trusting, loving, communicative relationship to contain it all and help you find your way through any mis-adventures to the ecstasy. You do not have that foundation with a woman you just find and ask to peg you. You can certainly put your efforts towards finding a woman, starting a relationship with her and then asking her. But this option is only good for those men looking for a relationship.

I am not saying that experiencing pegging with a relative stranger never works; it can. But for all the reasons I have outlined, the odds are completely against you, unless you are incredibly hot, single and awesome.

The Professional

Consider the contrast of the professional experience. You contact her. She communicates with you (part of her job) to discover exactly what kind of experience you are looking for. Are you looking to combine a couple of other kinks with the pegging to enhance the experience? Are you completely new to anal play? She asks many questions to discern exactly what you need. She will give you instructions on how to prepare for your visit to her. When you go to see a professional, it is in her best interest to provide you with an optimum experience to the best of her ability so that you will be a satisfied customer and hopefully return or recommend her to others.

You do not have to worry about her inexperience or being rejected by her because of your desire for pegging. You do not need to be concerned about her pleasure or selecting (and paying for) the right equipment. You get to experience pegging for the first time…with someone who knows exactly what they are doing and wants you to have the best experience possible. She will keep your secrets, too!

Additionally, a professional is certainly likely to be more safe, clean and knowledgeable than the woman you met at a party who says sure, I’ll peg you! It’s her job. What professionals offer is the ability to tailor the experience to your desires and fantasies as well as the knowledge to make it happen safely and satisfyingly. You are paying them. It is an equitable exchange; a win-win as it were. Doesn’t that take the stress out of the equation and just let you relax and enjoy? Think about it.

With a professional, you can live out that pegging fantasy just the way you want. And if you discover that you like pegging, then you can bide your time and find a woman when the time is right and try to convince her to try it. Or, you can just continue to get your pegging with professionals and never seek out a relationship if that’s what you want.

I encourage all you “I need a woman to peg me!” guys to consider a professional. It is a valid option for men who want to explore the world of pegging apart from all the complicating factors of a relationship.

(And if you are married or partnered and you go to a professional sex worker – just don’t tell me about it! I tend to have an overemphasis on integrity and honesty and then the self-righteousness comes out…it’s not pretty.)

 

Lastly, to all you lovely sex workers out there:

Thank You.

…for everything you do, for all you know and for all you give.

You rock.

06. July 2013 · Write a comment · Categories: Blog · Tags:

Well…I am not sure whether I am behind the curve a bit, but I have some dildo news for you lovers of cock-shaped toys. Which…if you are at this website, is all of you, right?!

I’ve written at length about toxic toys, and have generally recommended silicone dildos for their sterilizability, harness compatibility and non-toxic attributes.

Manufacturers have been trying for some time to come up with a realistic skin-like material and also to mimic the harder inner core and softer outer later of a real cock. Tip of the hat to the people working on stuff like that – you folks are awesome; trying to give us better and better products for our pleasure! There are a couple of great new products in the realistic dildo vein (and veined!). I’ve gathered information on those two, as well as the wannabes.

From what I have been able to gather, there are four important characteristics of a these skin-like dildos:

 

  • Actually has a skin-like feel
  • Firm inner core and softer outer layer
  • Non-toxic
  • Easy to clean – sterilizable

 

Before you check out all this info – let me express my opinion…taking the trouble to create a skin-like texture and then telling everyone to cover it up with a condom is…stupid. People review these and say things like – “it is so velvety to the touch!” Well who the hell cares if you need to cover it up with a condom due to toxicity and bacterial issues!

 

Another point to keep in mind is that packaging can say anything – it does not have to be true because the sex toy industry is not regulated. If you want the best, stick with companies that commit to manufacturing and/or selling completely non-toxic toys. Sure you can buy that $24.99 Pleasureskin dildo, cover it with a condom and have a great time with it for a while (if you can stand the smell), but an investment in 100% silicone will last you a long time, assure you of scent-free non-toxicity and ease of cleaning.

 

In researching these “realistic skin-like” dildos, I found that price is indeed the indicator. The cheaper dildos were the ones that failed many of the tests and were quite hard to care for. From what I discovered, I would stay away from Topco Sales and Cal Exotics if you are looking for the best toys.

 

Blush Novelties

Real Nude

Skin-like feel? Check – “Real Nude truly feels… real!”

Dual Density? Check – Sensa Feel™ dual density design. Firm on the inside, soft on the outside,

Non toxic? Check – 100% platinum-cured silicone

Easy to clean? Check – “Hypoallergenic, hygienic, boilable, bleachable and dishwasher safe”

 

Tantus

O2 Revolution

Skin-like feel? Check – “Close your eyes and you won’t know the difference!”

Dual Density? Check – “super soft outer layer of silicone and dense inner layer”, “firmer than Vixskin”

Non toxic? Check – 100% silicone

Easy to clean? Check – “Hypoallergenic, hygienic, boilable, bleachable and dishwasher safe”

 

Vixen Creations

Vixskin

Skin-like feel? Check – “a more realistic feel and greater elasticity”

Dual Density? Check – “Solid inner core for functional use”

Non toxic? Check – 100% silicone

Easy to clean? – Check – “Non-porous, can be cleaned with soap and water or sterilized by boiling for 3 minutes ”

ProsLifetime Warranty!!!

 

 

Topco Sales

PleasureSkin

(also known as SensaFirm, PassionSkin, Trueskin, Techno-skin and Private Touch)

Skin-like feel? Check – “soft, smooth texture for an authentic sensual feel”

Dual Density? Fail – reviews say “shaft is weak and floppy”

Non toxic? Fail – rated a 3 out of 10 by Eden Fantasys. Although phthalate-free, composed of “thermal plastic elastomer variations” and reviewers say it has a strong odor that doesn’t decrease with time. Recommend use with a condom (for toxicity issues as well as bacterial issues).

Easy to clean?Fail – “very porous, making it difficult to clean and easy for germs and dirt to hide “.

Cons – Surface tears easily – from fingernail contact, even. Loses color over time. Extra care – “Should be protected with a condom. They are extremely sensitive and should be cleaned following every use with warm water and toy cleaner or antibacterial soap. Toys made of these materials should be stored in dark cool place.” Lint magnet.

 

Topco Sales

CyberSkin

[also known as New supersoft, Ultra realistic 3.0 (UR3), Futurotic, SoftSkins, SoftTouch, Futurotic Plus, Realskin]

Skin-like feel? Check – “the amazing look and feel of real skin”

Dual Density? Check – “combines the feel of soft skin with an erect shaft and real ball sack”

Non toxic? Fail – rated a 2 out of 10 by Eden Fantasys. Although phthalate-free, composed of “Thermal plastic elastomer (mixture of PVC and silicone)”  Recommend use with a condom (for toxicity issues as well as bacterial issues). Interestingly, consumers report the box says phthalate and PVC-free, and the PDF link for the composition on the website is not functional. Remember – sex toys are not regulated so they can say whatever they want on the package and it might or might not be true.

Easy to clean?Fail – “These materials are extremely porous, making it difficult to clean and easy for germs and dirt to hide”.

Cons – Extra care – “Skin-like materials are extremely sensitive; they should be cleaned before and after every use with warm water and toy cleaner or antibacterial soap. These toys come dusted in a powdery material to maintain their unique texture, clean the toy thoroughly before first use. After each use, clean again and dust with a little cornstarch (not TALC which has been linked to cervical cancer) before storing to prevent the toy from becoming sticky. They should be stored individually in a dark, cool place. Store each toy separately in a plastic zip bag or thin sock because the porous surface can absorb dyes from other materials. These materials are also very incompatible with many substances. Contact with silicone-based lubricants, oil or petroleum based products will cause damages to the surface of the toy.” Lint magnet.

 

CalExotics

Pure Skin

Skin-like feel? Check – “Amazingly life-like feel”

Dual Density? Check – “Plushy soft, feels like “real”, dual density”

Non toxic? Fail – Although phthalate-free, thermal plastic elastomer (mixture of PVC and silicone)  Recommended use with a condom. Reviewers report a persistent strong odor that does not decrease with time.

Easy to clean? – Fail – “These materials are extremely porous, making it difficult to clean and easy for germs and dirt to hide. So protect them with a condom”

Cons – Extra care – “Skin-like materials are extremely sensitive; they should be cleaned before and after every use with warm water and toy cleaner or antibacterial soap. These toys come dusted in a powdery material to maintain their unique texture, clean the toy thoroughly before first use. After each use, clean again and dust with a little cornstarch (not TALC which has been linked to cervical cancer) before storing to prevent the toy from becoming sticky. They should be stored individually in a dark, cool place. Store each toy separately in a plastic zip bag or thin sock because the porous surface can absorb dyes from other materials. These materials are also very incompatible with many substances. Contact with silicone-based lubricants, oil or petroleum based products will cause damages to the surface of the toy. ” Lint magnet.

So, now that you are an informed sex toy consumer, go forth and purchase your skin-like dildo! If you choose the Blush Novelties Real Nude line – know that there are many sizes to choose from. (And be sure to use the coupon code “Ryder” for 15% off!)

Ruby Ryder

 

Gentlemen…

Are you single?

Do you love pegging or are you looking to explore it?

Are you wondering how to find a woman that will happily, or even better…eagerly, indulge your particular yearning?

 

I get the same question over and over again:

Where can I find a woman to peg me?

Well…first let me dispel some myths.

There are no pegging “clubs” where happy ladies run around ready to sink their sizable strap-ons into any willing male who is interested.

There is no internet website where ladies who love pegging are just waiting to hook up with men for a NSA pegging encounter. Don’t waste your money – there are very very few women on those sites, despite what they’d like you to believe. Plus, many of the women are fake profiles, pros or online fantasy-only women who you will never meet.

 

Wow.

Why is it so hard to find a woman who likes pegging?

It’s not. What’s hard is to find a woman who enjoys pegging and is ready to peg a stranger. Just like it is hard to find a woman who enjoys sex and is ready to fuck a stranger.

Just because you both like pegging, that doesn’t mean she is ready to peg you. Just like because you both like sex doesn’t mean she’s ready to fuck you.

 

Pegging is Not Bowling

This is not bowling, guys.

Hey! You like bowling! Me too. How about we go bowling sometime?

No. This is sex. Sex with all of its naked, intimate, vulnerable penetrations and entwining.

I’m happy that you guys have managed to find your way safely through the minefield of misconceptions, fears and social taboos that surround pegging and have come out the other side very interested in having a woman slide her strap-on deep inside you. Kudos to you. Well done.

Now. Approach finding a woman to peg you the exact same way you would approach finding a relationship. Be as charming, clever, polite, fun, interesting and considerate as you know how to be. Whether in person or online.

 

How to Approach a Woman

If you are on a Vanilla dating site, send a letter of introduction with correct spelling and good grammar. Tell her a little about yourself. Talk about something in her profile that you liked and why. Tell her you are interested and would like to hear from her. This, of course, is after you have put up a decent profile, and please choose a decent user name – don’t do the FckMyAss thing. You don’t want to lead with that. Use your best judgment to discern if she is sexually open-minded. Date her, get to know her. After you have taken each other for a test drive sexually, if all feels good then talk with her about the pegging. Using finesse. Do not present it like you have leprosy. Present it like a very cool thing that she gets to do with you because you love it. This might help. And this, too.

If you are on a website that allows you to see if she is interested in pegging and you know she is, DO NOT MENTION IT IN YOUR MESSAGE. I will tell you how that comes across to us women who love pegging. Like you are pursuing us for our strap-on and you could care less about the woman underneath. Like you want us to satisfy your desire to be pegged and that is what is at the forefront of your intentions. We are not a fetish delivery system. And we will drop you like a hot potato if you treat us like one. In fact if things go swimmingly online, meet a couple of times and if she doesn’t bring it up DO NOT MENTION PEGGING. I had one guy, after a fine dinner, tell me he had his toys out in the car…did I want to see them? Bringing sex toys for a show and tell on the first date? Yuck! Zero class.

 

Women Want to Be Treated Like People

Women don’t just peg asses, they peg men. We do not see just your body part, no matter how lovely your ass might be. We see a person connected to the ass and hope he’s a nice guy, someone we want to do more than fuck. Just because we love pegging does not mean we want to be treated like a convenient way to scratch your itch. There is a woman under the strap-on.

Let’s go back to pegging not being like bowling. Pegging is sex. Sex with all of it’s naked, intimate, vulnerable penetrations and entwining. And actually, it’s even more than that because of the role reversal. The openness and vulnerability required for penetration…the skill and intention necessary to penetrate someone. Both are unfamiliar roles for the gender experiencing them. Pegging completely switches it up and things can feel pretty different, intense and intimate. Not usually a place most women want to go with someone they barely know.

That doesn’t mean every one of us need there to be the possibility of a long term relationship, but it does mean we need there to be something that makes us WANT to peg you. Something that makes the moment hot and steamy. Something that makes us want to jump you and do you. Something more than 20 words in a pegging ad. Which leads us to…

 

Women Who Are Into Casual Pegging

You can find stories about women posting on Craig’s List who want to try pegging with a stranger. You can find stories about pegging parties where there were a few women with strap-ons doing the guys. Are these stories true? Probably. But are these situations common? Absolutely not. They are extremely rare. Out of the thousands of pegging ads posted on whatever website you guys can find to post them on, an infinitesimally small number of men actually get a response, much less actually get pegged. Pegging ads do not work.

The exception is…If a woman is into casual play and the guy is a total hottie or charming, fun, personable or clever enough – she might go for it.  There are so many men begging for a pegging that women like that have a lot of men to choose from, though. Total long shot.

There are some women who would consider doing it for fun with a kinky friend.  But first you have to make friends with those women! If online – Making friends is most decidedly not writing to her and saying “Hey – I’m a virgin and I’m looking for someone to fuck my hungry ass. Interested?” Your messages will get summarily deleted. You must send a letter of introduction as I described above, meet her and get to know her first.

 

Kink Clubs

This brings us to in person. Where do these rare women who love pegging and might consider casual play…where do they congregate in person? The only place I know of is the kink community. The BDSM groups that get together in your area likely have a few women who are interested in pegging. The women in BDSM groups are usually more open about sex, too.

You can find groups in your area by going to FetLife.com and joining (free). Keep in mind that people in those groups have all kinds of kinks, so check your judgment at the door. You go to their public get-togethers, get to know people in the community and make friends. There is no short cut. One you have gotten to know the women in the group, you can try this approach. You lean in close to a woman you know and say, “Just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted to fuck my ass I would be totally down with that.” She might laugh and tell you to fuck off. But she might call you later and ask you about it, too! People in BDSM clubs are experimental, and there is less of an emphasis on necessary intimacy when playing with others. Sometimes they just want to try something out. You could get lucky. But again – there is no shortcut.

 

No Whiners

So after all this…I hope I have not discouraged you men from exploring pegging. The only thing I hope I have discouraged you from is whining about how hard it is to find a complete stranger to fuck your ass. I have said it before and I will say it again: Pegging is like the Dubai Tower of sex thrills. It is exotic, deep, intense and explosive. For an experience that fine, that rich with pleasure and discovery…you will just have to work for it.

Ruby Ryder

 

Anyone who is the slightest bit interested in pegging, interested enough to search the internet a bit for more information has seen them.

Pegging personal ads, all placed by men.

From the restrained:

Anyone in Atlanta area interested in an “virgin” guy? 42 Caucasian, attractive, good shape, clean. Teach me!

To the simple:

I would like me a woman/women with strap on play.

To the crude:

Any women in the San Diego area want a hole to fuck?

To the playful:

Yay! strap-ons. =)
I like em big, girls, got one? You can borrow mine.

 

Just about any forum that talks about pegging soon gets overrun with pegging personals unless there is a moderator who has a rule against them and runs a tight ship. It is annoying. It is frustrating. But here’s what makes it even more frustrating, for all parties involved…

It is a complete waste of time.

I don’t care much for absolutes. So I’m sure, somewhere, there are a couple of men who have actually gotten pegged from placing a pegging ad. What is the percentage? I’d guess 99.9% of all pegging personals never see any action from their ad. At all. Yet men continue to place them, anywhere and everywhere they can. Just in case, maybe.

Let’s look at the reasons why pegging ads do not work…

Here is one. Pegging is sex. Let me repeat that: Pegging is sex. So…basically these ads are saying, I really want to have sex, and I’m totally ready, so any interested women out there, hit me up! Um…yeah, right. Not gonna happen.

Here’s another reason pegging ads don’t work. Pegging is not very widely accepted by women who don’t know anything about it. They have to get past so many potential fears! The fear that he’s gay, the whole anal thing, the fear of pegging affecting their femininity, the fear of pegging affecting his masculinity, the fear that it will hurt him, the fear of not being good at it, the fear that he will get addicted to it. etc. So pegging ads do nothing to educate women about these misconceptions. Pegging ads usually just say, “Wanna fuck me?” Again, not gonna happen.

And another reason. The odds are way against you. You are drawing from a very small pool. The number of women who know about pegging, think it rocks, love doing it to guys and have their own equipment…is really quite small. We are out there, here and there. Included are women who no longer are with the partner who introduced them to it but still really want to incorporate pegging into their next relationship. Still – even combining those groups – not very many women. This group of not very many women…yeah, well, we get a tad besieged by the throngs of men who want their ass fucked. We usually get approached (via private messages or crude comments in a thread) in a way that is all about the strap-on and not at all about us as people, which goes over like a burnt piece of toast.

And one more reason. Pegging is intimate. I know professional dominatrices who will not do pegging because it is too intimate! Take the normal intimacy level of regular PIV (penis in vagina) sex. Multiply it a couple times, at least. Why? You’ve got role reversal going on, which places both partners in situations they have never been in before. That’s a vulnerable position to be in and requires trust. A lot of it. So the likelihood that an ad asking for a woman who wants to fuck a guy’s ass is going to work? Again…not gonna happen.

So…what’s the harm in putting up an ad? I’ll tell you. By asking for it all over the place – you guys could possibly be further ensuring you will not get it. Unintended consequences.

Here’s why: If a man approaches me with a polite, forthcoming, articulate message that does not go on and on about how much he wants me to fuck him with my strap-on, I check him out and look at his comments in other areas on the website that we are both on. If I find that he has a habit of leaving pegging ads all over the place in groups, or messages on women’s walls or photos (who are interested in strap-on play) like, “I’d really like you to fuck me. I’m bent over and ready”  I cross him off my list right then and there. Because the strap-on is obviously the focus, not the woman. I have no interest in that kind of connection. Are there women who might be interested? Not so much. In my travels I have encountered a couple of non-pros who would be interested in a strap-on experience and not a relationship. One asks for donations…and the other wants to film you. Not that these are bad – just…for profit.

I’ve said it before and I will keep saying it. If you are just looking to experiment with pegging and you do not want a relationship, go find a pro. If you are looking for a relationship with a woman who enjoys pegging, you can look for that interest on the woman’s profile and send her a polite, forthcoming and articulate letter of introduction (without mentioning the pegging!). Or, you can look for a relationship with a sexually open-minded woman in the way you normally would, and attempt to introduce her to pegging later. Here’s one man’s story about how he did it.

I am not without sympathy for you men. It is a big step to decide that you want to be pegged. And if you have indulged in any anal play, you know how good it can feel. And you want it. Passionately. But I urge you…knock off the personal ads!! Try methods that have a greater success rate…please!

 Ruby Ryder

Gentlemen…

Just so you know…there is no cache of women who are eagerly waiting to take the cherry of any offered up virgin ass that is craving a pegging. It simply does not work that way.

If you just want to experience pegging, go find a sex worker to help you. And I am serious about that. Sex workers would love to have a nice clean and respectful man who wants to experience pegging pay them for services. Depending on where you live in the world, it may even be legal.

If, instead, you are looking for a relationship with a woman who will peg you, then look for a woman in the way you would normally go about finding a partner.

If you want to be sure she’s into pegging before you date her, FetLife.com is free and will connect you with kinky folk in your area. The search capabilities are definitely limited, but I believe that helps to keep out the riffraff. You can find people in your area, but you have to take the time to look at each profile to see their kinks. (There are other dating websites that cost that will sort by kink – but I can’t recommend them.)

So let’s say you find a woman you are interested in, you’ve read her profile and determined she is available. The worst possible way you can approach her is to say – “wow, you are into pegging, will you do me?” Do you do that in all your relationships? “Wow – you are cute, can I fuck you?” No – you get to know her first!

Have some respect and manners in your approach. Send her a polite letter of introduction and engage her in conversation about something other than pegging. Meet with her over coffee, take her out to dinner. Get to know the woman, don’t just pursue the strap-on.

I feel for you, guys…and I’m honestly happy you are interested in pegging, but start thinking with your big head!

And don’t forget – it is indeed possible to turn an open-minded woman who has never done pegging into an enthusiastic pegger. I have heard many first hand accounts that bear this out! For some advice on how to do that, read this:

Approaching Her About Pegging

For one man’s story on how he turned a vanilla girlfriend into a pegger, read:

Vanilla to Pegger – One Man’s Story

Best of luck with your search, gentlemen.

Ruby Ryder

06. July 2013 · Write a comment · Categories: Blog · Tags:
Prostate

Prostate

Picture your finger or dildo as the purple line – that is how to access the prostate gland from the rectum.

Toy Talk…

Part of pegging, a very important part, is of course the dildo. If you use butt plugs in your play I’m talking about those as well. In fact let’s just leave the whole pegging concept behind for a moment (with reluctance) and talk about sex toys that are insertable. Whether you are a man or a woman…whether you are inserting them in your ass or your vagina or your mouth (or your partner’s)You need to make sure that the toys you use are not toxic!

A Little History…

The sex toy industry is not regulated…by anyone. Sex toys are classified as “novelty use”, and not under scrutiny of any agency for consumer safety. “Novelty use” means that the item basically has no use and therefore is not regulated (No use? Wow, could we teach them a thing or two!). People like us are indeed using these toys. We are inserting these items in places with mucous membranes and delicate tissues galore.

Toxic toys contain PVC plastics with “phthalates” (pronounced tha-lates), which help to soften the toys. Greenpeace has called on the European Union to ban the use of phthalates in adult novelties, as they have already banned them in toys for children. The latest research indicates that exposure to these substances can upset the body’s ability to regulate hormone production, damage reproduction, and can cause liver and kidney defects. They can also possibly cause cancer.

Rather than go into all the science and controversy around phthalates, I offer a few links to some excellent articles. Here is a piece by Emily Gertz in the Grist from December of 2005. This article by Violet Blue in the SFGate.com November of 2007 is quite good. Another by Tristan Taormino in the Village Voice January 2007. Greenpeace article Bad Vibrations September 2006.

The toxic adult toy purveyors point out that no studies have been done that have positively shown these sex toys are toxic. This is true, because it is hard to prove a connection since the damage is cumulative over a long period of time and no one wants to pay for the study…certainly not the toxic toy makers.

What boggles the mind is that even though 6 different types of phthlates have been banned in children’s toys in percentages greater than .1%, sex toys containing far more than that are sold every day to use in your most private orifices! Do you doubt that this is true? Take a gander at the lab reports of 4 sex toys that Jennifer Pritchett (owner of Smitten Kitten) took in to be analyzed. The one containing the highest percentage had 53% phthalates!!

This should seriously scare the crap out of anyone who uses cheap sex toys from China. How could it not?

 

The Bad Guys

The old guard of adult toy companies typically buy the cheapest toys they can get, usually from China, thereby maximizing their profit. They really don’t care whether they are safe or not. After all, whadda ya gonna do – return it?  Not. This attitude is so sex-negative it appalls me. They assume that there is shame and/or embarrassment connected with sex toys, so of course no one would actually take the trouble to return the “Doc Johnson Huge Double Monster Jelly Dong”, even if it caused burning in orifices that didn’t go away for hours or days.

For the most part, they are right. Even the most sex-positive person would probably just chalk it up as a loss and throw away the offending jelly monster, right? Who wants to return a used sex toy and explain what happened when they used it, especially if it only cost $10? So until now, they have been able to get away distributing poor quality, toxic toys without any blow-back from the consumer.

And to be very very clear here, the manufacturers don’t give a damn whether you get sick because of their toys or not. They can’t be held responsible because sex toys are not regulated. They care about one thing; their profits.

 

The Good Guys (and Gals)

Sex in the City deserves a bit of a nod at this point for the infamous episode with the “Rabbit Pearl” vibrator by Vibratex, Here’s why. That episode brought sex toys more into the open for the American public. As sex toys became a more common purchase, a more savvy consumer emerged and awareness of toxicity increased.  These new consumers demanded high quality, non-toxic toys that were made to last.

Manufacturers started joining the movement…because if there is a market for it, someone will make it! (Kind of like, if they build it, we will insert it? No, not quite.) This new generation of sex-positive companies are challenging the old attitude of “who gives a crap about the customer”. They have research and development departments, use the best materials and actually test their products on real bodies! They make promises to the customer to sell only non-toxic toys. They stand behind what they sell and want to provide customers with toys that are well made, safe, long-lasting and do what they say they will do. It is from these companies as well as retailers like Jennifer Pritchett of Smitten Kitten select sex educators like Violet Blue and Tristan Taormino that the information about toxic toys is spreading. Select retailers started promising to sell only body-safe toys to their customers and became trusted sources for purchases. (both manufacturers and retailers listed below)

Here’s how I look at it…If I take a toy out of the package, insert it and then experience burning in my vagina/ass/mouth for a few hours, no one needs to do a study that proves toxicity to me; I assume it! And this happens to people, believe me. If these chemicals are already banned in children’s toys it’s a no-brainer to avoid using them in sex toys. I have decided to err on the side of caution where sex toys are concerned. If you would like to do the same, here is some information to assist you in your quest…

Be aware – some of the nicest high end sex toys are indeed manufactured in China (because of the cost), so it doesn’t work to just avoid toys made in China because perfectly reputable companies also manufacture there.

 

Clues For Recognizing Phthalate Toys

  • The Smell – toxic toys have a strong chemical smell, which never goes completely away, even with repeated washings.
  • See-Through Dildos – Not all see-through dildos are toxic, but most are. If it is see-though and flexible and soft, it’s probably toxic. A few see-though dildos are made with a substance called “elastomers”; those are safer in terms of not containing phthalates but are still porous and unsterilizable so should be used with a condom and ideally not anally. See-through hard plastic is safe, too, but a much less desirable texture for a toy.
  • Price –  The cheaper the dildo – the more of a guarantee it is toxic. You may be tempted to buy the $10 bright red see-through dildo (they are kind of cool looking)…but you will get what you pay for. Though those brilliantly colored crystal jelly dildos are cheap – they are toxic! In fact the word “jelly” is pretty much synonymous with toxic in the sex toy world.

Be aware that many toys, especially the jelly toys are porous and can not be sterilized! That, by itself, should be enough to stop you from buying them…even without the toxicity.

Note: Some of you are looking for the “skin-like” type of materials. I did a lot of research on those and only 2 were phthalate-free and able to be sterilized:

Tantus O2

Vixen Creations Vixskin

 

Safe Toys! (Toxic Toy Alternatives)

  • 100% Silicone – If you are looking for silicone – silicone is always opaque; never see-through. Best to stick with manufacturers you know and trust. Platinum-cured is best.
  • Glass – gorgeous glass dildos are available in an amazing variety of colors and shapes. Not usually for strap-on harnesses.
  • Stainless Steel- the weight and heat-conducting ability of metal is marvelous and touted by many. Again, not usually for strap-on harnesses.
  • Hard Plastics – Hard plastic is safe, non-porous and has no phthalates.

As a consumer, know this…Reading labels will not always help you! As awareness has increased about toxic toys, the unscrupulous companies have even taken to labeling their products according to what the customer is asking for – which sometimes has no bearing on what is in the package. Basically, since people are asking for phthalate-free, toys are sometimes labeled as phthalate-free when they are not. Again – no one regulates this industry so they can get away with it.

Here’s a second-hand true story about a toy retailer who was speaking to a manufacturer in China about a specific toy he was considering buying:

It went something like this: The retailer asked the manufacturer – “What material is this toy made out of?” The manufacturer replied, “What would you like the label to say?” Thinking he had been misunderstood, the retailer asked again. “No, I want to know what you make this toy out of, it is silicone?” The manufacturer replied, “It doesn’t matter. What do you want the label to say? 100% silicone? Phthalate-free?

Another first-hand story from a man who is very sensitive and reactive to toxic toys:

Me: I have a question for you, if you don’t mind. You mention that you tried many things to remedy the toxic toy problem – did you try a condom over the toy at any point? And if you did – was it to any degree successful in reducing the reaction? The reason I ask is because many sellers of toxic toys say just use a condom on it but there is actually no evidence that a condom will protect you at this point. So I was wondering if you have any anecdotal evidence one way or the other…?

 

Him: I am so happy you asked that question. I have used condoms on the toys I had problems with, and these are the ones that have a very strong “chemical smell” right out of the package. A condom(standard latex) will stop the bad sensations for maybe 5-7 minutes, then the bad sensations are just as bad as without the condom. I figured it was because the chemical that was causing the problem was leeching through the condom. After listening to one of your podcasts, now I know that condoms are not 100% non-reactive as is silicone. It just slows down the “issue”.

 

So think about this – that means that even if you don’t react to the toy with a condom – there is no guarantee that it is not causing problems in your body. Perhaps you are not sensitive in terms of your body reacting to the toxic chemicals as this man is, but that does not mean that no chemicals are getting into your body even with a condom.

 

All you can do is to stick with the companies that you know and trust. They are out there, believe me! One of the ways I test to see if a company sells toxic toys is to do a search for the word “jelly”. You either get jelly toys that come up or you get an article on why they don’t sell toxic toys. Of course there are online retailers out there who sell both the good toys and the bad toys. In that case you need to trust the manufacturer.

 

 

This is an alphabetical list of manufacturers who only make non-toxic toys (so if a company makes a perfectly good platinum-cured silicone dildo but they make toxic stuff, too, they are not on the list). Many of these manufacturers sell online as well.

Babes-n-Horny

Bad Dragon

Big Teaze Toys

BS is Nice

Chavez Dezignz

Fun Factory

Happy Valley Silicone

High Island Health / Aneros

JimmyJane

Lelo

nJoy

NobEssence

PyreXions

Square Peg Toys

Tantus

Therawand

Vixen Creations

Wet For Her

 

This is an alphabetical list of retail stores, online and/or brick and mortar, that sell only non-toxic toys from many different manufacturers.

 A Little More Interesting in Calgary, Canada

Babeland in Seattle and New York

Babes-n-Horny in London, England

Bad Dragon online only

BS is Nice online only

Chavez Dezignz online only

D.Vice in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

Good Vibes in San Francisco, Cal;California

Holistic Wisdom online only

Kama Sutra Closet in Ventura, California

NobEssence online only

Other Nature in Berlin Germany

Pure Pleasure in Santa Cruz, California

PyreXions online only

The Rubber Rose in San Diego, California

SheBop in Portland, Oregon

Therawand online only

The Smitten Kitten in Minneapolis, Minnesota

The Tool Shed in Milwaukee, WI

Trinity Romance in British Columbia, Canada

Wet For Her online only

Please help me add to the lists – email me with suggestions!

Happy Pegging and play safely!

If you are a woman who wants to approach your man about pegging, this article is for you.

(If you are a man who wants to approach your woman about pegging click here.)

Plumisms 1

Communication

First, communication is the key. You need to be able to ask for what you want. If you can’t open your mouth and talk with your partner about sex, he is not going to magically intuit that you want to fuck him up the ass with a dildo. Take a good long look at your relationship first. Do your very best to practice Dan Savage‘s GGG – Good, Giving and Game.  “Think ‘good in bed,’ ‘giving equal time and equal pleasure,’ and ‘game for anything—within reason.'” We are not just talking about your man’s willingness to explore pegging with you…we are also talking about the state of your relationship with him…think about it. And before you blurt it out there that you want to pay his lovely ass some special attention, please read the rest of this article!

Trust

Okay, ladies – Trust. Is. Huge.

I am talking about your man’s ability to trust you not to out him. This is a bigger factor than you could ever imagine! For younger men whose generation is more open to and accepting of different types of sexual play, this may not be as big of a deal. But for men, say 30 and up, it can be the single largest factor holding them back from exploring pegging. Why? Because societal repercussions can be severe for men who enjoy pegging.

And even if they have a loving, intimate relationship with the woman of their dreams…what might happen if things don’t work out and they part? Will she tell? Will their circle of friends find out that he likes to get fucked? Will his friends or coworkers judge him? All those people likely have the same silly misconceptions about pegging that most people do and they might not look at it as just another passionate way to have sex with your partner.

Some men decide this is too big of a risk to take; getting outed. Perhaps because of their career, their religion or perhaps they live in a very conservative community. So the challenge is for you women to swear on whatever you hold sacred that you will never, ever out your guy. And keep that promise no matter what.

You know how men supposedly brag about the sex they are having? Well I’m sure there are some men who do…but the majority actually don’t. Ask around if you don’t believe me. They might make crude comments about the waitress or the woman that just walked by, but they do not talk about the details of the sex they are having with their significant other.

You know how women supposedly talk about….everything? That is actually true. Women do talk about the details. And men know that. So here is my advice around pegging. Just simply don’t ever tell. Make pegging a secret thing between you and your partner that you will never tell anyone, even your best girlfriend, even if you’ve had too much to drink. Make it a sacred thing between you and your guy so he can relax and really enjoy it without worrying about what will happen if anyone finds out…because he knows no one ever will.

So how can you reassure him that you won’t tell even if you don’t stay together? You make a big deal out of it. You tell him sincerely, to his face, making sure the timing is right (special dinner, just after sex, romantic moment, no one else around), swearing to him that it will be just between you two…forever. Another idea…consider giving him some compromising pictures of you naked that he can put up on the internet if you out him. That way you are both operating on trust.

There is also the kind of trust he needs to allow you to play with such a sensitive part of his body. Anal play is quite intimate. You are asking him to open up and be vulnerable, completely vulnerable. If you have received anal sex before you know how important technique is and taking thinks slow and easy. If you have not received anal sex before – please read up on it because ass play is best done after educating yourself! Here is a basic educational article for women who are beginners at male anal play.

Pegging is Not Gay

The biggest hurdle you will likely have to get beyond is the “No – that’s gay” hurdle. It’s like a knee-jerk reaction in many men that no one is coming anywhere near their ass…because that’s just…gay. There is a sad and rather unfortunately automatic connection between male anal play and homosexuality in so many people’s minds. Very common misconception that is 100% incorrect. The part of a man’s body that he enjoys having stimulated has absolutely no bearing on the gender he prefers to do the stimulating. (And actually there are a fair number of gay men who never have anal sex.)

Even if pegging does not threaten their sense of sexual orientation in any way…what stops most men is the thought that other people will think that they are gay or somehow less-than in terms of masculinity because they enjoy something up their ass.  For men…the blow back can be harsh. It leaves them vulnerable to ridicule, rumor and ridiculous assumptions from a largely homophobic society. Plus they certainly do not want their lovely partner to ever think that they are anything less than manly because they like ass play.

The Magic Thing to Say

Most men are pretty intensely sexual beings…if you tell them that pegging along with cock stimulation can produce orgasms 10 times more powerful than anything they have ever experienced with tons more come, most men will want to try it. I mean really, if you were a normal horny guy after hearing that could you really live the rest of your life not exploring pegging? No, I didn’t think so. Few men can.

Yet as with everything…there are all different types of men. Some will be quite ready to play at the merest suggestion. Some may require a little convincing but warm up quickly to the idea. And there are indeed those men who want nothing to do with anal play…ever, period…it’s “exit only” territory. Only you women out there have a sense which category your man falls into.

Vulnerability

Remember that men are not used to receiving and being penetrated. There is a vulnerability and openness inherent in penetration that is completely new to men. Women are quite familiar with the feeling of being penetrated during sex. For men it’s a whole new deal. And that level of vulnerability can be pretty scary, surprising, and amazing all at once. Often that vulnerability is part of the turn-on for men, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is easy for a man to go to that space or that it is comfortable for him to be seen there. Being able to trust that the woman understands this role reversal and will not suddenly judge him when he softens and receives helps him to more fully relax and allow that vulnerability to happen. Promise him that you will handle his ass with care!

Semi-Guerrilla Ass Play

Many guys get interested in anal because a creative woman slid a well-lubed finger up their ass during a blow job with quite good results. This does present a way to introduce your guy to anal play…even if it’s a little sneaky. I don’t prescribe to the sneak-it-in-there theory…but I have heard many a man say that this is exactly how they discovered that something up their ass really turns their crank. The part of this idea that really works is that prostate stimulation generally feels best when a man is already really turned on. But… instead of sticking your finger where you do not yet have permission to go, wait until he’s very close to coming and just circle your finger around the opening of his anus and see what kind of a reaction you get. The more turned on he is by your blow job the more likely you will get a good response. If he’s not giving you any signals and you’re not sure whether he likes it, ask him!

Testimonials

If your guy is on the fence, considering it but not sure…here are some testimonials from men who love it.

Best of luck encouraging your man to let you explore his sweet, handsome ass….

Ruby Ryder

(Many thanks to my friend fliedermaus for his help with this article. His willingness to be so open about the male viewpoint was invaluable to me.)

What does an orgasm feels like with combined prostate stimulation or pegging and cock stimulation?

Is an orgasm like that really 10x more powerful than a “normal” orgasm?

♥ It’s 100% more intense than a normal orgasm due to the fact that a normal pegging means a fair amount of prostate stimulation before hand, and so long as she doesn’t stop while he’s cumming it can feel like the world has gone dark and time has slowed.

♥ Like my penis no longer matters.

Joking aside 99% of any orgasm I’ve ever had with prostate stimulation is better than any orgasm with out. The difference in feeling at least for me is that a cock orgasm is centered around the gathering pressure in the cock that feels like it tightens until you finally get release. That release is brief and short lived but amazing none the less. A prostate orgasm ignored the build up of tension and is more a build up of waves that start at the point of pressure and slowly ripple out over the rest of my body. Each subsequent wave slowly building, rolling through my body, and crashing against the seams of reality bringing me to an ever higher and longer lasting state of release from tension I didn’t even know I had. Either way orgasms are great and we should all try and have them as often as we can. If having something in your butt may make that orgasm better why not at least try it?

♥ Prostate stimulation enhances orgasm by different degrees for different guys.

For me, I’ll admit that at first it feels rather odd (probably because it doesn’t happen very often) and it can be uncomfortable if there’s too much stimulation to either location. It turns me into a moaner (I very rarely make involuntary noise), and makes my orgasm incredibly intense, it also increases the amount of my ejaculate.

♥ I like a vibrator against my prostate while I masturbate. My body just goes limp when I cum. Complete loss of all control and a blinding orgasm.
It’s even better if you can get a partner to do it for you, though. If you can get a blowjob while they work the vibrator, it’ll change your life 🙂 Or a handjob while getting strap-on fucked is pretty awesome too. I came on my own neck while flat on my back once from that.

♥ Pegging and cock stimulation give a fantastic orgasm. If you can cum at the right moment, double orgasm, it is indescribable. Its full body and brain. When it happens to me I am out of this world for some time. I am very experienced with anal orgasms. To cum at the right moment (double orgasm) takes a lot of exercise and skill from the person pegging.

♥10x…I guess I’ve never attempted to quantify the power of my orgasms. I can tell you the following characteristics.

  1. I, also, shoot my load much further and harder from orgasms that correlate with anal penetrations. I can feel my come moving along the entire length of my shaft. I often edge quite a bit before I come during anal penetration because my body and mind go numb with pleasure after these intense orgasms.
  2. I stay harder longer after getting off with anal penetration than I do without. I also get harder more quickly afterwards. Starting with anal penetrating orgasms (APOs) has led to the longest, wildest, and most satisfying sexual romps of my life.
  3. While normally not a talker, I cuss, moan, pant and go crazy with a strap-on stretching me. My heart races just thinking about the energy it feels me with.
  4. Pegging and self play is all I’ve ever engaged in. I’m always a switch but I prefer the more submissive orgasm to the dominant one because of the intense out of nature experience I have. I’m a corporate leader type, captain of sports team type, by day and most nights, but the right woman can find a deep wild lust that’s animalistic.

So, I reckon that means its a 12x better orgasm. Hell, maybe even a bakers dozen.

♥ Pegging gives the most fantastic Orgasm. If done right in combination with stimulating the cock, it will blow your brains out. If hands free it will last and last, you will keep cumming. My friend gives me the most fantastic prostate massage, no cock stimulation, which can last for hours and you keep cumming and cumming. Better than pegging.

♥ It’s both a mental and physical orgasm. Like, I can feel it throughout the body whereas a regular, strictly handjob, orgasm has like a two-eight second feel. It’s one of those weird times where the body takes over and the brain takes a hike 🙂

♥I’ve never been pegged, despite my very intense desire to be, however when I purchased one of those Rude Boy prostate/perenium massagers, I got a taste.

For me, it’s the first time I’ve ever been breathless during and because of an orgasm. The pressure and the alien sensations at first were mindblowing enough, but when I got used to it, I find myself wanting to just grind there constantly. I’ve not quite had a handsfree orgasm from it yet, but I’ve had a good 10-15 minutes of constant dribbling until I get so pent up I need to bring myself to a full climax. What I’m saying here, is that I can’t wait for the real thing.

♥ I can’t say for full blown pegging since my girl and I haven’t tried it, but I was trying to describe the orgasm I got from her fingering my ass while she blew me to a friend, and the only thing I could think of was: It’s like the ghostbusters threw one of their traps near me, and my cum was the ghost getting sucked inside. It was mind-blowing.

♥ My response to this might be strange because I discovered at a very young age (13 I think?) that I could have prostate orgasms… and I used to have sessions where I had those because they are so amazing and different from the norm. But, as I have gotten older, I usually end the session with a combination of prostate and edging into a… I guess the analogy would be a blended orgasm?

Ten times more powerful would be accurate, but not in all cases. I would say the average prostate+cock orgasm is 10 times more powerful than the average masturbation session. But I have had some incredible regular orgasms with women before, that rival my prostate orgasms. It just comes down to how different they feel.

As others have said, any orgasm involving the prostate feels so deep inside. A regular orgasm does have an internal component, but it gets so overshadowed because of the strong contractions and pure pressure in the base and length of the cock. A regular orgasm feels so right, like I’m totally in control and working toward this pleasurable goal and release. With prostate stimulation the orgasm always comes outta nowhere; I’m working toward it but each one seems different in some way, and I always worry that this time, I won’t get there. And when it does come, I feel totally out of control, like my body is almost doing something wrong. The tension/release and waves of pleasure are almost unbearable.

Of course, my description might differ from those simply getting prostate stimulation while they come… those are usually pretty intense but nothing like the ‘blended’ orgasm. I have never been pegged either 😛 Prostate play has always been my personal thing I do. Luckily I have a partner that wants to get into it, so we’ll be doing that soon. Can’t wait!

♥ Most of the time my man doesn’t squirt that far when he does come but lately, since we have started pegging, he is now shooting it hard and far. One cum shot flew past my face while he was riding me and landed a few feet back. He was also thrusting uncontrollably to the point I was a bit concerned. ( I have NEVER seen him like this in the 5 years that we have been together. ) He has become a moaner, which he never does.