Intimacy is often a necessary ingredient in pegging, and cannot be created with the buckle of a strap-on harness.

The fantasy of meeting someone, going home with them and pulling out the strap-on makes for great erotica fodder, yet it rarely happens in real life. For most people, a certain level of intimacy is necessary to consider indulging in pegging. Intimacy is created through trust, affection, understanding and sharing of confidences, among other things. Why does pegging often involve intimacy? Let’s take a look.

 

Trust, Trust and Trust

Anal sex requires trust. Just as most women would not consider receiving anal sex during a casual one night stand, men can feel even more strongly about needing to establish trust before allowing a woman to peg them. Basically there is a lot of room for error. The anus is a delicate area of the body and needs to be treated with care and respect. Just as it is possible for a man to give bad anal sex to a woman because he is not knowledgeable about the act and has never received anal sex himself, the same can be true for a woman pegging a man. She needs to know what she is doing and he needs to know that she knows what she is doing.

Education is extremely important. Learning about the best ways to make it enjoyable and even more importantly the mistakes to avoid can literally mean the difference between pleasure and pain. Before you try pegging, whether you are the pegger or the peggee, doing your research first will help you enjoy a better first experience.

 

Vulnerability

Men are not used to receiving and being penetrated. There is a vulnerability and openness inherent in penetration that is completely new to men. Women are quite familiar with the feeling of being penetrated during sex. For men it’s a whole new deal. And that level of vulnerability can be pretty scary, surprising, and amazing all at once. Often that vulnerability is part of the turn-on for men, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it is easy for a man to go to that space or that it is comfortable for him to be seen there. Being able to trust that the woman understands this role reversal and will not suddenly judge him when he softens and receives helps him to more fully relax and allow that vulnerability to happen.

 

I Don’t Know What I’m Doing

Women are not used to taking the reins and running the fuck. They have never had a cock, they don’t know how to use it and often have fears that they look as awkward as they initially feel. To be sure, wearing a strap-on and using it takes some getting used to. That initial period of awkwardness can be alleviated by being with an understanding partner whom you have a comfortable and close connection with. She needs to trust that he loves everything about her fucking him with a strap-on and that any learning curve will be accepted gracefully.

 

Emotional Responses

Just as the female G-Spot can trigger emotional responses in women, prostate stimulation can trigger emotional responses in men. Tears are possible. Yes, tears! Not many men will talk about it, but it does happen. Both G-Spot and prostate stimulation can touch a very deep, emotional part of some people. Those responses are not uncommon and are most often described as “good tears” or “letting emotions out that needed to come out”. (First time a man stimulated my G-Spot I was in tears.) It’s all good, but it may be surprising to experience and/or witness. Trusting his partner to be understanding and accepting of emotions or tears that might surface is so important for a man to fully open to the experience of pegging. This one is huge. Those deep emotional reactions can feel quite out of place during a casual hookup.

 

Her Reaction…to His

Men can have valid concerns about how their partner will react to their experience of being pegged. Aside from the potential emotional response, prostate stimulation can be so all-consuming for some men that it puts them in a bit of an altered state and the resulting orgasm can be full-bodied and very intense to experience and witness. The sight of a man deeply opened up, exposed, vulnerable and completely sensorially overwhelmed…is a rare and beautiful sight to behold. But more than one woman has gotten a little freaked out by seeing her man like that. Again, trusting his partner to accept what happens and not freak out is very important.

 

Peg and Tell

Social taboos seem to inflict more severe repercussions on men who enjoy pegging than on women who do. Many men will not want anyone other than their partner to know about their enjoyment of strap-on sex. Trusting their partner to keep that confidence is essential. That trust has not been established with a casual hookup. (The younger generation seems to be less concerned with this, which is quite encouraging. Slowly but surely, attitudes about pegging are relaxing.)

 

I Need a Woman to Peg Me!

I suspect all of this contributes to the difficulty men experience in finding partners to peg them.  There are few enough women who are interested in pegging to begin with. With the likelihood that a man will need trust and intimacy to feel comfortable exploring pegging, that takes it out of the realm of casual sexual exploration. So while thoughts of pegging may dominate a man’s fantasies, the reality often requires…a connection more akin to a relationship.

A man can pay a professional and trust her to be knowledgeable, keep confidences and not judge whatever reaction he has. I have recommended this to men who are intensely craving a pegging experience and I believe it is a valid option. Sex workers appreciate a clean, respectful client with specific needs. For men who crave it so much they tend to approach the strap-on before the woman, this can help to take the edge off.

 

Because of all these factors, it is more often an established couple who will engage in pegging instead of a casual hookup. The intimacy of pegging can be very powerful for all the reasons mentioned. It is good for both genders to be aware of these factors when considering pegging play, lest they be caught unawares at different turns.

This information certainly does not apply to everyone. There are people who can practice pegging with a casual hookup, and may even prefer to. Perhaps there are some parallels here to regular PIV (penis in vagina) sex, which can be engaged in either in a more casual, for fun type of manner, or can be deeply emotional and intimate – depending on the connection of the couple involved. But because pegging takes normal penetrative sexual experiences and reverses them, many unexpected things can happen, taking either gender by surprise.

 

 

 

 

Thanks to my friend D for allowing me to post this piece. There are so many men out there who want it, need it and crave it. Here is one man’s suggestion on how to find a woman to peg you.

This is for all those guys who are begging for some random lady to bend you over. Here is how I did it.

I met a regular young vanilla girl on a very vanilla dating site. We went out on a date or two before we had sex. We talked about sex more and I made some comment about how young girls are prudes. She asked how? I said that they are not adventurous. So we talked about anal sex and eventually on date 4 or 5 we have anal sex and she loves it.

A few dates later I took her to a sex shop that just happened to be in the same parking lot as the restaurant we are ate dinner at (nod nod, wink wink). After dinner and a few drinks we walked around looking at all the lingerie, toys and videos. In the toy section I casually pointed out a strap-on and asked her if she would do a girl with it. She said no way, she is not into women. Later we have more regular sex.

Then we texted a lot about all sorts of sexual topics including blow jobs and prostate massage. She said she was unsure about fingers in the ass as her nails might scratch. At some point she put two and two together and asked what I thought of strap-ons. I played dumb and said I’d like to try it with her.

I sent her to www.take-it-like-a-man.com and she did some reading. We sent more texts about it to each other. I sent her to www.peggingparadise.com/blog and she read more. Along the way she had some reservations… like – is this the only sex I want? How often do I want to do this? Etc…. She said she wanted to try it but only because we were now in a relationship. We had been dating for a few months.

She was concerned that she may not like it and didn’t want to invest in the equipment. Lucky for her I already had my own equipment. She was ok with that…and the obvious fact that I had done it before. I assured her that everything was sterilized and clean. Our first time is using a regular strap-on dildo and she is very awkward at it. I get off and keep reassuring her how great it was. She wasn’t that into it the first time.

Then I let her borrow my Realdoe. It’s a double ended dildo and she likes the flesh color. She just happens to like watching porn so I sent her to www.xhamster.com and told her to search for strap-on scenes. She got to masturbate with the Realdoe for a few days before we saw each other again. It was important that she felt comfortable with the dildo and knew how to get pleasure from it.

The second time we were together for pegging,  she was much better at fucking me because she had warmed up to the idea and knew how much I liked it. Of course I was still pleasing her first sexually before she pegged me.

So that’s it, guys. You are not going to just find some random chick off the internet and say hey baby bend me over. Find a real woman to date or get your significant other to do it.

I have done this in my past 2 relationships and it blows the girls away to do something different and unique. It’s all in the delivery and it takes time and effort but it is so worth it.

Happy Pegging!

Sort of like the cart before the horse…

For the Gentlemen…

Since diving dildo-first into exploring the world of pegging…one thing has really jumped out at me.

It is this…There are many, many of you men out there who are interested in being pegged, whether you are new to the experience or you have your own equipment in your dresser drawer. You dream of feeling that dildo slide into you, teasing you, filling you up, thrilling you. You want to be used, fucked, lovingly pegged or hammered. You crave it. You want it. You need it. You beg for it! And you frequent any websites where there might be women who are interested in it. Wow.

I guess what I am saying is I get that you guys who love pegging really love it. I mean really.

Now…I have witnessed how profoundly my guy is affected by pegging. He swoons with pleasure and gets pretty damn loud with passion. In fact he recently described his ass as “wanting and willing”  (that man so knows how to sweet talk me). So, guys, I can understand  your desire to regularly experience that intense degree of sexual bliss.  Once you’ve had it…you want more. Like your first blow job. You might even obsess about it. I get it. The strength of your desire for pegging is intense. Not to mention that men are pretty single-minded about sex in general.

Which brings me to…the methodology behind your approach of potential pegging partners.

First, I offer you an example of the worst approach I have ever personally experienced via email.

“your cock would look good in my hole”

I swear to God, just like that. No capitalization, no punctuation, nada. This approach is definitely not recommended if you are interested in finding a woman to peg you anytime in the next century.

From the woman’s point of view, here’s a hint, guys.  Don’t pursue the toy with greater enthusiasm than you pursue the woman. We women who peg, yes, it’s nice to know how much you guys enjoy it…but it is also nice to feel like you are interested in us as people first and wearers of dildos second. Get to know us…meet us for coffee or dinner…have some conversations with us. To be pursued as primarily the wearer of a strap-on is quite off-putting; like being used to satisfy your fantasy. (If you truly only want to get pegged and are not interested in the woman doing the pegging, just go find a professional.)

Please remember…There is a woman at the end of that strap-on!

An alternative method of finding a woman who pegs is to find a woman…..and turn her into a pegger. Here is a story from a friend of mine who did just that: “Vanilla to Pegger – One Man’s Story.”

 

Happy Pegging,

Ruby Ryder

Pegging…this thing we love and indulge in with such passion and excitement…requires equipment. Indeed, much has been discussed here at Pegging Paradise about the necessary equipment; lube, harnesses and dildos. Let’s back up a step, though. Let’s talk about the step between “Approaching Her About Pegging”  and the act of pegging itself.

 

She needs to actually strap on a cock

This is not as easy for a woman as you may think. I am going to address this article to you men who want more than anything for your woman to fuck you with a strap-on. Let’s say you have already broached the subject – she’s interested and is considering it….

  • Assuming she understands that the male prostate can provide intense pleasure and she really wants to give her partner pleasure
  • Assuming that she has gotten past the misconception or fear that her partner is gay
  • Assuming that she is open enough to not be freaked out by sex toys in general

Even assuming all the above, actually strapping on a cock may be a huge step for a woman. If you sense some reticence, consider the following…

She is being asked to do something that messes with strict social gender roles. Though one can say it’s just a toy and it doesn’t mean anything other than that you like to use toys…that’s not the reality of it in that moment when the buckles are fastened and she has…a cock. Having a cock, penetrating and thrusting are quite male-associated things. The whole idea that she could take on the active, penetrative role might take a while for her to adjust to.

Some women have fears that they will look ridiculous. Partly because they have never had a cock hanging between their legs and it looks quite strange from their perspective. What most women do not realize is that if their guy is interested in strap-on sex, actually seeing her put on a harness and dildo is so hot they can barely stand it! (And she thought she would look ridiculous…)

There are women who cannot reconcile wearing a cock with their femininity…they want to be feminine and see strapping on a cock as acting like a man. Though it is far from that cut and dried, there is no denying that the role of strapping on a cock and fucking her man requires a woman to be active instead of passive, giving as opposed to receiving, penetrating instead of penetrated.

Indeed, there are a fair amount of emotional factors that can interfere with…strapping on the cock.

So take it slow. Let her hold the dildo in her hand without the harness and fuck you with it first for a few times so she can see how intensely it turns your crank. The first time you use the harness…try to have it fairly well adjusted from a previous try-on so she can just step into it and you don’t have to struggle with getting it just right. Otherwise all the straps can be a lot to figure out. Once on – tell her how unbelievably beautiful and hot she looks…because you know she will.

 

Remember, she’s never used a cock before

Another concern women have when strapping one on for the first time is that they have no idea how to use it. They are completely unfamiliar with the body motions required to fuck their guy.The lovely hip roll and thrusting instinct that men have is a learned skill for a woman. At first it feels quite awkward and it is common to feel a little ridiculous. For the first time she does you…suggest that she lie on her back and you can ride her. That eliminates the skill factor on her end – and gives her a great view! Plus access to your cock, which in pegging play is always a good thing. (Do make sure you tell her that it is common and normal for men to lose their erections or for them to come and go and it still feels incredible.) Tell her this so she won’t worry whether you are having a good time or not. And keep telling her how good it feels while you are riding her. Make sure she has no doubt that you love it.

Above all…have fun! Don’t get too serious about it all. Laugh and play and talk and experiment together…that’s the stuff good sexual relationships are made of.

Ruby Ryder

Prostate Orgasm Defined:
Through anal stimulation only (without penile stimulation) a man experiences orgasm and release of seminal fluid. Sometimes called an anal orgasm.

A Different Kind of Pleasure
When the prostate is stimulated (by fingers or toys) there is a feeling often described as a warmth or tingling or itching that spreads through the region – absolutely pleasurable.. Pleasurable, but completely unlike stimulation of the penis. Some men describe the sensation as so intense that it’s like having a continuous orgasm and if they actually reach an orgasm, it’s like icing on the cake or an unnecessary dessert after a sumptuous meal. Some men have actually expressed to me that they do not want their penis to be stimulated during pegging, because it actually interferes with the prostate sensation.

A Different Kind of Orgasm
Men usually describe the anal orgasm as being different in that it does not have the rhythmic contractions a normal orgasm does; the seminal fluid sort of dribbles out of the end of the penis and can sometimes look watery in comparison to normal ejaculate. Pretty much all men say this kind of orgasm is nonetheless intensely pleasurable. Yet there are differing opinions as to whether they enjoy it as much as a regular orgasm with stimulation of the penis, or an orgasm that results from stimulation of both the penis and the prostate. All men have their favorite.

Encouraging Factors
Not all men can orgasm this way (just as not all women can have a G-Spot orgasm), but your chances of experiencing it improve with practice, and maybe a few other things… Some men claim that a bigger toy was what kicked them over the edge to an anal orgasm. Others say it was a finger or toy that could be applied to exactly the right spot. Relaxation is a huge factor. Anecdotally, another factor can be how long since the man has experienced his last orgasm; the longer period of time (within reason) the more likely anal stimulation alone will result in orgasm.

What experiences have other people had? I’d love to hear what worked and what didn’t…how it felt…what is your favorite kind of orgasm? What feels the very best on your prostate? What got you there?

05. July 2013 · 2 comments · Categories: Blog · Tags: ,

Pegging is a singular pleasure enjoyed by most of you who have found Pegging 101. I realize there are many wannabe Pegger and Peggee readers as well. So let’s talk practicalities here. A common question amongst Peggers and Peggees alike is:

How can we make our pegging experience relatively clean?

First, there is no way around the fact that the orifice you are deriving so much pleasure from is the very one your body uses to get rid of waste. Buck up and deal, because that comes with the territory. In fact I like to think that most Pegging enthusiasts are a little hardier than other people as far as the squick factor is concerned. A little bit of crap (so to speak) is not going to ruin their day…

Yet there are indeed some steps to take that can help to ensure any distracting factors are minimized if not eliminated…

  1. Eat high fiber food the day before like salads and raw vegetables. This will help to basically clean you out .
  2. (Forget the enema – See below) Give yourself an enema several hours before, NOT just before. That is because small amounts of water can get trapped in the folds of the colon. As you move around after the enema it will drain out naturally…but you don’t want that water coming out while you are playing. Keep in mind that disposable enema units are “Phospo-Soda” enemas and actually contain Monobasic Sodium Phosphate, which is totally different from a sea salt solution in pure water. Many people find Phospo-Soda enemas to be irritating and cramping, whereas a warm gentle sea salt or non-iodized table salt enema can be soothing and relaxing to the colon. Directions for preparing your own enema can be found easily on the internet.
  3. Eat lightly the day of, if you are going to play in the evening. You want your energy to be used for play, not digestion. And depending on how fast your digestion is – you don’t want that heavy breakfast to interfere with your fun.
  4. Part of what creates odor in your shit is due to what you eat. If you eat completely naturally, i.e. no artificial flavorings or colorings, no meat, no dairy and no alcohol, the unpleasant smell will be dramatically decreased. But pay attention here, because if you have been eating all those things on a regular basis and suddenly stop eating all of them, you will be dumping toxins out of your body for a few days…and you might not feel very well. So take this suggestion with moderation please.
  5. Accept it! Accept that a bit of a mess on the dildo or plug is sometimes a part of anal play – it just comes with the territory. Relax and don’t freak out, just deal with it. Have a towel ready to wrap toys in after removal. Also…using a warm wet towel to clean the Peggee up afterward can feel quite intimate and lovely (as well as minimizing any mess). You Peggers – you had the pleasure of playing with that ass so make sure you take care of it when you are done!

 

New Information! (14 December 2011)

As I learn more about the ins and outs of pegging I relay the new information to my readers. Here is my revised opinion on the best method to keep clean:

Instead of enemas….

Use a rectal syringe to squirt smaller amounts of plain water just into your rectum. This is perfectly sufficient to clean you out quite well for a thorough pegging. In my experience, just a rectal douching with a syringe will eliminate virtually all mess and smell. And you don’t have to wait the 2 hours for the water to come out of the folds of your colon, either. Highly recommended!

If you really insist on giving yourself an enema, then follow the instructions above and please do not use enemas too often. Too frequent enema use can disturb the natural bacterial flora that needs to be in your colon so it can function correctly. Above all – do not use soap in your enema (or in the syringe, for that matter). This must be some weird over-reaction to wanting to be squeaky clean or something. No soap ever belongs in your colon! Soap will wipe out the natural bacterial flora and you just don’t want to do that. Plain water is fine or water with sea salt according to proven recipes on the internet.

Have fun, and Happy Pegging.

Ruby Ryder

05. July 2013 · 2 comments · Categories: Blog · Tags:
The Chairman

The Chairman

Strap-less Strap-ons, Harness-less Strap-ons, Double-enders or Doubles.

I’ve seen them referred to as all of the above. There are a number of manufacturers who makes these babies and they vary quite a bit. Let’s take a look at what’s out there….

 

Realdoe pic

Feeldoe/Realdoe

The Feeldoe is perhaps the most well known and has a smooth shiny finish. They also manufacture the Realdoe, which basically looks more realistic in color and shape and has a matte finish. The Feeldoe is offered in varying sizes; Classic, Slim, Stout and More. The Realdoe is offered only in Classic and Slim (same measurements). Both models are offered with vibes and without. The vibes are not strong but some women enjoy them. The material used is 100% silicone. These dildos are quite firm – too firm for some users who prefer a softer, more gentle anal experience. The firmness of the toy does make penetration easier, however and can also make it easier to stimulate the prostate effectively. Some say the angle is not quite right for pegging. (Some say the angle is better for lesbian strap-on sex.) Other users have no such complaints and love their Feeldoe! The Realdoe is about the size of the Feeldoe Classic, and Realdoe Slim is about the size of the Feeldoe Slim. Made of a softer silicone than the Feeldoes, with a matte finish.

 

 

 

 

Fun Factory Share XS
Fun Factory Share
Fun Factory Share
Fun Factory Share XL

Fun Factory Share

The Fun Factory Share comes in 3 sizes, the regular size as well as XS and XL. The matte finish on these toys means that when it’s time to reapply lube – don’t wait because it can be irritating on the tissues rather quickly. These toys are softer, have more give to them and are a bit heavier that the Feeldoe line. Some users complain about the floppiness. They are 100% silicone. The bulb insertion is larger which presents a problem for some women but is exactly what others prefer to keep it in more effectively as well as have more sensation on their G-spot. The XL seems to be quite a challenge size-wise for most receivers!

XS – Lengths of inserted parts: active part: 3.9″ passive part: 5.5″

Diameter – peak active part: 1.37″ toy-peak passive part: 0.89″

Share – Lengths of inserted parts: active part: 3.4″ passive part: 6.3 inch”

Diameter – Toy tip active part: 1.5″ Toy tip passive part: 1.38 ”

XL – Lengths of inserted parts: active part: 3.4″ passive part: 7.1″

Diameter – Toy-peak active part: 1.49″ toy-peak passive part: 1.37″

 

 

 

 

Nexus Senior

Nexus Junior

Vixen Nexus

Another softer and more flexible double-ender, the main difference between this toy vs the Share and Feeldoe is that it was never intended to stay in without a harness. It was always intended to be used with one. The Nexus is offered in 2 sizes; Senior and Junior. A vibe option is not offered. Criticisms are that it is too floppy, but some say this can be a good thing for positions that are not a “straight shot”, so to speak. This is another toy made of 100% silicone. The base of this toy where the dildos are joined can provide nice cushioning for those hard thrusting couples.

Senior: Curved side: 5-¼” x 1-¼” Straight side: 6″ x 1-¾”

Junior: Curved side: 5″ x 1-¼” Straight side: 5-¼” x 1-¼”

 

 

 

 

Happy Valley Tango

Happy Valley Tango

Tango – 6 3/4″ x 1 3/8″ and 4 1/2″ x 1 5/8″.

Love the name. I had not heard much about the Tango, but find that it’s sold in a couple of big name on-line retailers. Described as firmer than the Nexus but softer than the Feeldoe, some people say that the Tango takes all the best parts of the other models and puts it into one toy. This toy is 100% silicone and comes with a vibe. Can’t wait to hear more..

Update: It was time for Ruby to get a double-ended dildo and she chose the Tango. Partly for the reason that it is touted as taking the best parts of all the others. I used it with the Spare Parts Joque harness. My partner enjoyed the feel of the Tango and it was not either too firm or too floppy. The size was good for him, even though he tends to be somewhat tight.

The bulb end fit nicely inside me, not too tight or too loose. Felt great. The vibe placement was excellent. Between the G-spot stimulation from the bulb and the vibe I had a lovely time. I did remove the weak bullet vibe and replace it with a WeVibe Salsa (below). Pricey choice but an excellent one. Love that little vibe; it packs a punch! Plus it is easier to get out of the dildo because it’s a little longer. The Salsa is totally rechargeable, too. Forget about the batteries.

 

WeVibe Tango

WeVibe Tango/Salsa

A Word About Bullet Vibes

The bullet vibes included with these toys are not very powerful. I recommend the rechargeable WeVibe Tango/Salsa bullet vibe (3″ x .625″)as much more powerful replacement. The Tango/Salsa is a tad larger than the standard bullet (2.25″ x .5″) and will stick out a bit, but that does not get in the way, and is actually easier to pull out of the dildo when you are done. The Tango and Salsa are the top of the line bullet vibes – strongest, rechargeable (no batteries!), 8 different vibe patterns and it’s waterproof! The difference between the two is that the Salsa has a typical rounded tip and the Tango has a lipstick contour tip.

 

Not Strapless!

You have probably heard me rant about this a fair amount – but I can’t write an article about double-enders without mentioning the “strapless” part. For heterosexual couples who are using double-ended dildos for pegging, which I assume most of you reading this here at Pegging Paradise are, it is very rare to not need a harness. (This apparently is not the case with lesbian strap-on sex.) So if pegging is what you are doing, just ignore all the ‘strap-less’ or ‘harness-free’ claims…and feel free to admire those fetching pictures of women wearing a double-ended dildo and nothing else, but do not take them for reality.

Why is this so? Kegel muscles, no matter how strong, cannot compete with anal sphincter muscles. In addition, when a woman gets turned on and juicy – that is one more challenge to holding the toy in. Do not fall for the “if she has strong enough Kegel muscles she can keep it in” reasoning. The vast majority of women cannot use these toys without a harness so there is no need to feel less-than or like you don’t have strong enough muscles. Needing a harness for pegging with a double-ended dildo is completely normal.

 

A Word About Lesser Doubles

I am not going to give serious discussion to toys like a long large jelly worm that you are supposed to stick in both people. Those toys are toxic and cannot be sterilized. Do not waste your time or money…and your health. There are a few others out there that cost less but you will likely find they are made of sub-standard materials. Do your research well if you are considering buying one. Make sure it is 100% silicone, phthalate-free and can be sterilized.

Update – there are now doubles like the jelly worms but made of silicone!!

Fun Factory Wave
Fun Factory Sonic

Update – New 100% silicone Double-ended dildos!
Vamp Silicone Duetto
BSisnice Olga
Wet For Her Four

 

Whichever toy you use – please write and share your story…contribute to the collection of knowledge about pegging equipment so the next group of beginners can benefit from our trial and error.

As always – happy pegging!

 

I’d like to put all manufacturers of double-ended dildos on notice that you are failing in your product descriptions on your websites.

Specifically – here’s where you are blowing it…

Your products are designed for a woman to insert one end of the toy inside herself and use the other end of the toy in her partner. Awesome so far. But you seem to have forgotten one important fact.

Her partner can be either male or female.

Now, who knows what the gender percentages are; I don’t believe those studies have been done yet. But to direct your advertising towards only one segment of that group is…blowing it.

How, specifically, are you blowing it?

You are making the claim on your manufacturer’s websites that your product is designed to be used without a harness without differentiating between heterosexual or lesbian use.

It could be that you don’t read the forum boards or you don’t have any heterosexual customers testing your products. Perhaps you just are too attached to the “strapless” claim. Maybe your product was really designed for lesbian strap-on sex and you just don’t care that there are hetero couples out there that might add to your sales. Or maybe you just want the initial sale and since you don’t sell harnesses you don’t really care what happens after that. I would like to believe you care more about your customers than that. After all, we are talking profits here.

 

You see… there are a LOT of heterosexual couples who try to use your products without a harness, fail and then seek advice.

 

In my estimation approximately 95% of women who are engaging in heterosexual strap-on sex – also called “pegging” – must use a harness to keep your product inside them. Why? Because anal sphincter muscles are stronger than vaginal muscles, no matter how many Kegels a woman does. Very, very few women are able to use a double-ended dildo for pegging without a harness. And yet you advertise it that way.

So couples try it, get frustrated and discover they need a harness. Sometimes these couples even give up and pegging is taken off the table completely – most often by the women – who experience most of said frustration. Sometimes these women even end up feeling “less than” because they are told that if their muscles were strong enough they could keep the toy inside them.

By the time they purchase a harness and get it right (if they indeed push past the frustration), their enthusiasm for recommending your product has lessened considerably from when they first bought it. And they may even have a touch of resentment that the advertising of your product did not mention a harness is usually essential to successful use, which alienates customers from additional purchases.

What you want is success stories with your product. Success stories boosts sales.

 

Happy Valley Tango says, “works perfectly with a harness”.

Not bad. But it would be better to say a harness is recommended for pegging.

 

Tantus’ Feeldoe/Realdoe has “patented strapless strap-on” claims all over the website. The only mention of a harness is very hard to find and says, “If you just love your leathers, or haven’t done your Kegel’s don’t fret, an old fashioned 3 strap harness will fit it! Bike shorts work wonders, too, and fittingly so since it really is like learning to ride a bike.”

Cute, but implies that most women should be able to use it without a harness. And they even say that 80% of their sales are to heterosexual couples! You’d think they would give them more accurate information since that is the bulk of their sales.

 

Fun Factory Share says, “without a harness”, “suitable for harnesses”, and “…slight ridge for improved hold…” depending on whether you are looking at the Share XL, the Share or the Share XS (in that order).

Confusing and inaccurate.

 

The less well-known doubles don’t do any better…

Eternal Swan (not in USA) says, “created to be worn without a harness”.

Ummm…for whom? Not for heterosexuals.

Fetish Fantasy Elite 8″ Strapless Strap-On says, “hands-free penetration without a harness or strap” and claims, “It’s great to use on both sexes”.

Misleading and inaccurate.

 

I remain puzzled by the lack of factual information for heterosexual couples exploring strap-on equipment. The couples are often new at this, so they need good information. They are also the majority of your sales – so it would behoove you to pay attention and give them what they need to make a good purchasing decision.

Thankfully, some retailers are putting more information on their websites through reviews as well as product descriptions. Hopefully the manufacturers will realize the importance of informing their customers with facts and recognizing the large share of the double dildo market that heterosexuals comprise.

Someday…!

 

 

01. July 2013 · 28 comments · Categories: Blog · Tags:

Okay, everyone listening?

Two common misconceptions about pegging:

  • If a man likes pegging, he must be gay.
  • If you peg a straight man, he will become gay.

Cue Laughter and Eye Roll – Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with…or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this – please excuse the laughter…though I do find the concept quite humorous.

Think of it this way…If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.)

A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady’s finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner’s finger(s) or his partner’s cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something….just like the 150 – 200 million gay men in the world. But wait – I’m probably confusing you…

Unexplored Ecstasy – The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it’s just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from…and oh my the word abstinence  in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with…well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner’s reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out.

All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know…easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey – we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people’s narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not.

No Fear – So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can’t let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really…are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him…don’t kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential.

Pleasure Seeking – Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that’s your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that’s always fun). Given just that, why wouldn’t you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no “Insta-gay” phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you!

Pegger/Peggee – Wouldn’t it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, “Pegger” or “Peggee”? I mean – relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn’t have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, “Look it up on Wikipedia”. Just make sure it’s a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever…in a rather explosive way.

Courage in Advertising? In the spirit of spontaneity and with a plucky sense of sexual idealism…I have created those very shirts for you. Maybe you want the world to know one of your sexual proclivities (if you are on this website, I will bet you have more than just one…lol). Or perhaps you are one half of the pegging equation and are craving your other half for fun and games. I also created coffee mugs to make people at the office wonder what you are up to. Or perhaps you will share a lazy morning cup of Joe with your sweetie after a totally hot night of pegging…the word on the cups extending the sweet afterglow a little longer. Enjoy, dear readers!

Wishing you provocative and passionate pegging.

Ruby Ryder