FAQ

29. January 2018 · Comments Off on FAQ · Categories: Blog
  1. Do women love pegging?
  2. What’s the best harness?
  3. What’s the best dildo?
  4. What’s the best lube?
  5. What’s the best position?
  6. It feels awkward…what are we doing wrong?
  7. Can she orgasm while pegging?
  8. Can he orgasm while pegging?
  9. How can I try to minimize the mess?
  10. How can I convince my woman to peg me?
  11. How can I convince my man to let me peg him?
  12. Why isn’t he hard?
  13. Why can’t she fuck me like I fuck her?
  14. It just hurts – what are we doing wrong?
  15. We can’t find the prostate – help!
  16. Where can I find a woman who will peg me?
  17. Where can I find a man to peg?
  18. Does the man have to be submissive?
  19. Does the woman have to be dominant?
  20. What if I don’t want to reverse roles?
  21. Why do they call it “Pegging”?
  22. What Questions have I missed?

 

1) Do Women Love Pegging?

Some women absolutely do, yes. Click here to find out what Ruby loves about pegging.

 

2) Harnesses

There are a number of good harnesses. First, what to avoid..Steer clear of the cheap, poorly made harness with thin elastic straps – they will not hold the dildo securely enough and aren’t worth the money. I would not recommend Vac-u-loc harnesses because they limit you to the dildos you can buy and Doc Johnson is not exactly a quality name in sex toys. The “two-strap” style of harness usually has better stability and accessibility than the single G-strap style that runs between her cheeks and can get in the way if she wants any action with her lady bits. As with all toys, I say buy once and buy quality. Some couples prefer to get a beginner’s kit, but most couples go straight from the beginner’s kit to something more sturdy and better made pretty quickly, so consider skipping the beginner’s kit if you are an experienced in anal pleasure and ready for something larger to start with. If you have serious doubts either of you will like pegging try a dildo by itself (with her hand) first and if he enjoys it, buy a quality harness to go with it.

Beginners Kits – If you decide to choose a beginner’s kit Tantus makes them but I would advise the intermediate kit because the dildos in the ‘beginner’s’ one are not long enough to allow for thrusting in some positions without falling out. Also – be aware that if you decide to use a double-ended dildo, the Tantus “bend over” harnesses are not compatible.

Harnesses can be made from leather (strong, luxurious and yummy), vinyl (strong, shiny and cleans well), rubber (waterproof, flexible, cleans well) and fabric (comfortable and washable). Leather, vinyl and rubber are porous materials and are not meant to be shared because they are not sterilizable. Fabric harnesses are sterilizable to the extent of putting them through the washing machine. Make sure the “O” rings will accommodate the size dildo you want to buy. Make sure the measurements of the harness will accommodate the wearer. Ruby’s favorites? Aslan Leather…makes some yummy leather, vinyl and vegan harnesses. Aslan wins my sexy and comfortable leather/vinyl/vegan award. Spare Parts has a lovely collection of comfortable, infinitely adjustable harness that are all washable. I have to say the Spare Parts harnesses win the comfort, adjustability and easy care award. Their new harnesses have 2 pockets for bullet vibes.


Other things to consider when selecting a harness…what presses against her lady bits? The leather panel that the dildo sits on? The base of the dildo itself (great for vibe dildos)? Is that a sensation she wants while she is pegging – pressure against her clit? (I know it sounds silly but some women don’t.) How high or low does the harness sit and will that give her the pressure in the place she wants? Some harnesses have a special pocket for a bullet vibe. One can choose to place a vibe in the harness or in the dildo. Some women love harness vibes – some say the vibrations are nowhere near strong enough to do the job or the pockets that hold the vibes are poorly placed. Read the reviews before you buy! Some are not compatible with the double ended dildos, so make sure you know if what you are buying will work with the dildo you select.

3) Dildos

Ahhhh…so many dildos, so little time. First let’s talk materials. Silicone is by far the very best material for a smooth texture, ability to be sterilized, and durability. (Don’t get the toxic jelly dildos – no matter how cheap! You cannot sterilize them and they will expose your body to bad chemicals.) One of my favorite brands of dildos is Vixen Creations. The “Mistress” is a reasonable size for beginners. There are many other quality silicone dildo manufacturers you can find online, too.

I would recommend one with a curve – helps stimulate the prostate. Make sure it will fit snugly in the ring of the harness. And don’t let your eyes be bigger than your ass and buy something too big. That happens more often than you might think. Also, don’t let your apprehension prevent you from selecting anything larger than your finger – you might as well just use your finger. Practice moderation – 1″ diameter and 5 – 6 ” in length works for most beginners. Size and shape can be very individual. Some men love ridges…some don’t. Some men say it’s the girth that gets them off, others say it’s the length and position of the dildo.

There are also “skin-like” materials out there…”Vixskin”, “Tantus O2” etc. They are expensive and they are really nice; a solid inner core and softer outer layer to mimic a real penis. Some people (including me) love them but if you decide to try them out please read this and make sure to get one that is sterilizable – most of them are toxic or porous which means they can hold bacteria.

A word about double-ended dildos like the Tango, Share and the Feeldoe…most couples find that these cannot be used without a harness, no matter how sexy that may be to envision. I would like to emphasize that they are on the advanced end of pegging toys for the majority of people. Some couples love them, but almost all women need a harness to hold them in. The difficulties arise from a) vaginal muscles being no match against the anal sphincter so they are difficult for most women to even keep in, b) the insertion point is the only point of balance as opposed to a nice snug two strap harness which will let you push up down and sideways and c) imagine dealing with all that when you are just learning how to fuck someone else! Not recommended for beginners, especially for women who are even a little reluctant about pegging – you don’t want the additional complicating factor to put her off pegging forever.

4) Best Lube?

You will probably need to experiment yourself here because there is no one lube fits all. Keep in mind you need to use a water based lubricant with Silicone toys. There have been reports of a few very high grade silicone lubes being compatible with silicone toys – but I would test anything on the base of your dildo before using it. Using silicone lubricants on silicone toys can damage your expensive toys. Also – do your own research and decide whether you are comfortable using petroleum products for your innermost passage or other ingredients used to preserve lube that some people consider slightly toxic. For example, this article talks about certain lubes being toxic to cells and tissues because of dissolved salts and sugars. Here’s a quote from the article:

Astroglide, a water-based and therefore condom-compatible lubricant, was found to be the most toxic of the lubes studied to cells and tissues. KY Jelly was also highly toxic to “good” bacteria in rectal tissue. The team found Elbow Grease and ID Glide had intermediate effects in terms of toxicity. Dezzutti and coworkers found PRE and Wet Platinum to be the safest — a fact touted by Wet’s CEO.

My favorite water based is completely natural Boy Butter H2O which is creamy but long lasting texture with no stickiness – and a mild, pleasant scent from the shea butter ingredient. Also noteworthy is Maximus. It is clear, has a gel-like consistency, is made with anal play in mind and lasts a long time without getting sticky. Maximus does have preservatives that some people react to, though. There are many lubes – buy small sampler bottles and test them to find your favorite. This is especially important because there may be an ingredient you react to in the lube and it’s great when you can just throw away the sample size and try something else.

5) What’s the best position?

Depends on what you want to achieve…

Missionary rates high for intimacy (face to face), high for prostate stimulation and high for access to his cock. Depending on how a man’s testicles hang, he may need to hold them up while you thrust…or end up with sore balls the next day. She can hold his legs up, he can hold his legs up, she can put his legs over her shoulders or you can use a sex-sling to do the work for you.

Doggy Style (the man on all fours and the woman behind) rates high for the woman’s visuals, high for ass access (for spanking) and medium for cock access (reach around).

Cowboy rates high for comfort for the woman (he’s doing the riding) high for prostate stimulation (he rides it how it feels best) and high for cock access.

Reverse Cowboy (the man faces her feet) rates high for ass access (spanking), high for the woman’s visuals and high for prostate stimulation (he rides it how it feels best).

The Chairman rates high for intimacy (face to face), high for woman’s comfort and high for prostate stimulation (he rides it how it feels best).

Bulldog (Advanced): The man on his hands and knees and the woman above and behind him with her legs on the outside of his. Here is the visual (with genders reversed). Rates very high for prostate stimulation and high for both ass access and visuals. The woman needs to have very strong thigh muscles. (I didn’t know this was the name of the position but knew about the website of animated sexual positions and was fairly sure I could find an example with the genders reversed – voilà !)

With all these positions…there are so many variables. Let me give you just one example from my personal experience. My legs are quite long (36″ inseam). The distance from my hip to my knee is longer than most people I know. That meant with Doggy Style I had to spread my legs very wide to be at the right height for his ass…so wide it was not as comfortable as it could have been. Pillows can be used to adjust heights sometimes, or if you want the best – get a Liberator sex cushion to play with.

6) It feels awkward…what are we doing wrong?

Nothing. It will feel awkward at first. Women were not born with cocks and it takes a while to get the hang of strapping one on. They also are not used to being the ones running the fuck. Men are normally not used to receiving and being vulnerable. Getting comfortable with something new just takes time.

7) Can she orgasm while pegging?

Absolutely. Not all women can orgasm while pegging their man, but many can, and there are different ways to reach that goal. One is to have a bullet vibe in the base of the dildo (in which case you need to make sure that the harness you use is open in the back so the base sits against her lady bits). One way is to buy a harness with a pocket on the back of it specifically made for a bullet vibe. One way is to have a double ended dildo that is stimulating her at the same time she is fucking him. There are some women who can orgasm simply from pressing against the harness while they are fucking their man. (Go back to the harness discussion for specifics and links.)

8) Can he orgasm while pegging?

Oh HELL yes. Absolutely. Again…not all men can orgasm while being pegged, but most can. This is where it gets a little involved, though. Some men have erections while they are being pegged. Some men don’t. Some men have erections that come and go. Whether he is hard is not an indicator as to whether he is enjoying the pegging…it is just an individual thing…and nothing to worry about. So moving on to orgasms…a man can orgasm from combined cock stimulation and pegging, which men say is about 10 times as strong as an orgasm with just cock stimulation (and produces much more ejaculate). Some men can also orgasm just from pegging. A prostate orgasm for a man is sort of like a G-spot orgasm for a woman. And then there are men who can have multiple orgasms from prostate stimulation. So the answer to that is a big yes.

9) How can I try to minimize the mess?

Keeping it as clean as possible is a combination of diet, thorough showering, anal douching or enemas, and liberal use of towels because of the liberal use of lube. You will find more information about that in this article: “Keeping Things Clean“. If you have never tried anal sex before, it is not normally as messy as you might imagine. Some people never douche or use enemas and don’t have significant problems with messes.

10) How can I convince my woman to peg me?

The answer to that question is actually pretty involved. Read about it here.

11) How can I convince my man to let me peg him?

The answer to that question is pretty involved, too. You can tell him you found something that will give him an orgasm 10 times more powerful that anything he’s ever experienced and produce a lot more come. That will do it for about 75% of sexually adventuresome men (okay, that’s an estimate with no studies to back the figures up, I admit). For the rest, or for the reluctant….read more here.

12) Why isn’t he hard?

If he is not hard….don’t freak out. There are a wide variety of penile responses to anal stimulation. While getting pegged some men will stay hard the entire time, some men’s erections will come and go and some men’s cocks will never get hard. Pay close attention here, though…his erection or lack thereof is not an accurate indicator of whether a man is enjoying the pegging. The best way to know whether your guy is having a pleasurable experience is to actually ask him. Good and open communication is essential during pegging, especially in the beginning. So keep asking if he likes what you are doing if you have any doubt. Some men have even reported that they do not like their cock stimulated during pegging because the sensations are different and it detracts from the prostate pleasure.

13) Why can’t she fuck me like I fuck her?

Women…were not born with a cock. They need time to get used to it. So in the beginning it will seem awkward and hard to manage. From a man’s perspective, it can be frustrating. The balance and natural roll of the hips takes time to perfect. The stamina takes time to build up. The muscles need time to develop. Which all means you just simply need to practice. Yay! It is likely your woman will appreciate you more once she dons a strap-on and fucks you – she will realize that the grace, strength, endurance and balance required to fuck is significant. You guys rock!

14) It just hurts – What are we doing wrong?

Pegging is not for every man. There are indeed some men who despite loving the idea of pegging, they do not feel any pleasure from their prostate or it’s just painful and never gets any better. If you are following all the rules (go slow, use lots of lube, relax, bear down like you are trying to have a bowel movement, start small) then either he just isn’t a man who enjoys pegging or there is a possibility he may have a medical condition (like hemorrhoids) that causes pain when his anus is penetrated. Best to check with a doctor if you have concerns in this area. Pain is an indicator – don’t ignore it. Pegging done correctly should never be painful.

15) We can’t find the prostate – Help!

Here is a map for you. Take a good look at it. The man should find a position that is comfortable for him. Face down with a couple of pillows under his hips is usually a good one. She sits on the bed behind him and uses her finger (gloved if preferred). If she has long fingernails fill the finger ends of a latex glove with cotton balls and then put on gloves before you begin. Anal exploration and long nails do not mix! You want to avoid tearing or scratching the rectal lining at all costs.

I like to use my middle finger, because it is the longest and the prostate can be difficult to reach sometimes. (I have met women who say their fingers are not long enough to reach their man’s prostate and they have to use a toy.) Insert your finger about 2 inches and press downward toward his belly, stroking gently. Poking is not recommended, most men do not like that sensation. Explore and get feedback about which spot feels the best. If he’s turned on the prostate will be much easier to find. The more turned on he is, the more his prostate swells and can be located easily. When a man is about to come it’s amazing how you can feel the prostate get bigger and harder and then release.

Like the G-spot, sometimes men have to sort of get used to feeling pleasure in that spot…it takes a while to wake it up. As long as it feels good, keep exploring and you’ll find it eventually. Using your finger in the beginning is many times easier than using a toy. Once you know where the prostate is, the positioning and angles of strap-ons and toys is easier to picture.

16) Where can I find a woman who will peg me?

Sorry guys, but there is no magic formula for finding a woman to peg you. In the end (pun intended) it’s the same as looking for a woman to date. Read more about this here and here.

17) Where can I find a man to peg?

The truth of the situation is that if you are a woman who loves pegging…you actually have your pick from a significantly large group of men who are looking for a woman just like you. You can explore FetLife(free) or OKCupid(free) or AdultFriendFinder($) and there will no doubt be groups of men bemoaning the fact that there are no women around to peg them. And I don’t mean to sound negative about that. They are interested in pegging and sad/frustrated that there don’t seem to be many women around who are into it. You will not have to look far.

In fact it will be more difficult to find a man who loves pegging but will approach you politely and respectfully when introducing themselves to you. There is something about the prospect of a woman with a strap-on that often seems to turn reasonable men into single-minded crude dudes. The better ones will keep their enthusiasm in check and approach you with manners and style…getting to know the woman behind the strap-on first.

Another possibility for you men is to consider going to a professional. If you can set aside your judgment of sex workers for a moment, have a read.

18) Does the man have to be submissive?

Not at all. Many men do find that they feel somewhat submissive because the act of receiving pegging requires openness and vulnerability. But there is no rule that men must be submissive, nor is there any likelihood that a man will suddenly become effeminate just because he gets pegged.

19) Does the woman have to be dominant?

Not at all. Many women who are interested in pegging have dominant traits, but it is not necessary to be dominant. For a woman, pegging requires being the one to run the fuck, the active and giving role. This can be a new experience for her, but it does not mean she has to turn into a cold demanding bitch who wields absolute power over her guy (not that there’s anything wrong with that!).

20) What if I don’t want to reverse roles?

Then don’t. Pegging can be a close, intimate and tender act between loving partners. There is really no need to look at it any way other than that. If you want to put your own particular kinky spin on it, then by all means go ahead, but that is entirely optional.

Now if there is something inherently mind-twisting about wearing a cock as a woman or getting penetrated as a man…well, that’s just the mind fuck you are dealing with there. It can be a turn-on. But it can also freak you out a little. Take a deep breath and go with it…and always keep open communication with your partner.

In the beginning of a relationship or even an established relationship, when trying something new sexually, it is good to have a debriefing after sex talk about what you enjoyed, what worked, what felt weird…everything. Builds great sex partners and increases intimacy to do this…and not just with pegging.

21) Why do they call it “Pegging”?

Pegging is defined by Wikipedia as a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo. The word “pegging” was popularized when it became the winning entry in a contest in Dan Savage’s Savage Love sex advice column, held after an observation was made that there was no common name for the act. the word can now be found in Wikipedia and the Urban Dictionary…and all over kinky websites!

22) What Questions have I missed?

Is there a pegging question you were looking for the answer to and you didn’t find it here? Help me make this section more complete…go to the bottom of the page and click “Write Ruby” – send me your question!

 

strapons.tumblr.com

Podcast #175 is going to be comprised solely of stories and offerings from the giving side of the pegging equation.

Most of my readership and listeners are the Receivers. For this podcast…

I want to hear from the Givers!

Tell us all the things you love about pegging…
Tell us the story of your favorite pegging encounter…
Tell us about your first time…
Tell us about your last time…
Tell us about a funny time, or an embarrassing time…
Tell us about your favorite pegging fantasy…

One sentence, a paragraph, several pages – I want it all!

Spill it, Peggers!

You need to get your stories in by Saturday, November 11th to have them included in this podcast.

You can write me at ruby@peggingparadise.com
Or send me an MP3 of your recorded story
Or record your story on my call line (805) 500-6544

We are going to blow the Peggees/Receivers away with podcast #175!

Love,
Ruby

 

I recently dove into studying deep insertions and why they feel so good to some men. I was surprised to find out about the Vagus nerve, stimulation of which does ALL KINDS OF GOOD THINGS for you!

Listen to the podcast here.

One more reason to love pegging!!

 

This piece is included in the Kinky Sex Tips Blogfest 2017 !!

Click here to see the links to all the other kinky bloggers who have participated, there is sure to be some great writing, great sex tips and all around sexiness.

Also – don’t miss this part, there are PRIZES. Yes, I said PRIZES. Click the link!

#KinkySexTips

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Women (or Givers) – are you new to pegging? This article is for you!

Definition: Pegging is when a woman straps on a dildo and penetrates a man’s ass (like in Broad City and Deadpool).

Why are so many people talking about it? Why would anyone want to do it? What’s the big deal?

Let’s start with corrections of misconceptions about this amazing sexual experience, because there are many. You might be surprised to discover the truth behind some of the fears and assumptions.

Pegging Fears and Misconceptions

  • If a man enjoys anal stimulation, he must be gay.

First, think about it…A sexual act that involves a man and a woman is by definition not gay. Now let’s personalize it. If your partner has been happily fucking you and giving you oral sex for years, he is certainly not gay. (Gay men don’t eat pussy.)

Here is another way to look at it. The area of your body that you enjoy having stimulated has absolutely no bearing on the gender you prefer to do the stimulating. Read that twice if you need to.

There is an unfortunate assumption that men who enjoy anal stimulation or penetration must, by default, want sex with their own gender. Studies say only about 40% of gay men even have anal sex. And while there are indeed some men who are bisexual and enjoy sex with men as well as woman, there are also many, many men who are totally straight and love receiving ass play.

  • If you fuck a man with a strap-on, it will turn him gay.

Many women have a fear that if they peg their man, he will leave them and run off in search of real cock. Here’s the deal: There is no magic switch inside a man’s ass, that when tripped by a strap-on, all of a sudden causes him to crave hairy muscular bodies. If he is bi-curious, he might be a little more curious after you peg him, but straight men don’t change their gender preference simply because of anal penetration.

If this were true, then a lesbian woman who fucks her lover with a strap-on would turn her straight, right? Ridiculous. See how the logic breaks down?

The more likely result of fucking your man with a strap-on, is that you will send him to the moon with pleasure, and deepen the intimacy that you share with him.

  • Pegging is painful.

Anal penetration never has to involve pain. If it hurts, you are doing something wrong, like going too fast, or using too big of a toy, or not using enough lube (the most common mistakes).

Not only is pegging not painful, it has the capacity to bring amazing amounts of pleasure to your partner! His prostate is much like your G-spot. Combined prostate and penile stimulation often result in an orgasm that men describe as ten times more powerful than a regular orgasm!

  • Pegging is…messy.

There is no getting around the reality that pegging takes place in the same area of the body that handles waste elimination, to put it delicately. To depart from delicacy, every once in a while shit happens. If the thought of a small mess freaks you out, pegging may not be for you.  If the thought of that small mess doesn’t freak you out, rest assured there are tried and true methods of cleaning out before pegging that usually completely eliminate messes. The occasional messes that do occur are typically very minimal.

  • Pegging is just not ‘natural’.

I encourage you to let go of your ideas regarding what is ‘natural’, and instead think about what interests you and your partner. Are you interested in giving and receiving more sexual pleasure? Then pegging would be a great thing to try.

For some people, all sex toys are not natural. For others, they would never bring whipped cream and chocolate sauce into the bedroom to add to their sexual experience. Some couples have ventured into the 50 Shades territory while others would never consider it even close to ‘natural’.

You and your partner are adults, and the cool thing about being an adult is that no matter what others might think, what you decide to consensually do in the privacy of your own bedroom is no one’s business but yours. If you try pegging and love it, you will be so glad you tried it! If you try pegging and decide you don’t like it, at least you tried it and now know it is not for you.

I’m thinking that since you are here at the Blogfest, you are curious about different sexual activities that can bring you more pleasure. (If someone told me there was a way I could have orgasms 10 times more powerful than any orgasm I have ever had, I would find it difficult to pass that up.)

  • Pegging means I have to tie him up, dress him like a woman and beat him.

If you have watched pegging porn, I can see how you would assume this. While it is true that some couples who enjoy pegging also enjoy one or more of these activities, they are by no means a requirement for the experience. Pegging can simply be one more way to make sweet, intimate love with your partner.

  • If I strap on a fake cock it will destroy my femininity.

There is no rule that says when you strap on a fake cock, you are no longer feminine. It’s just a sex toy! You can be as feminine or not feminine as you like while pegging.

Some women might be happy to know that there are ultra-feminine harnesses available, some of which have sexy garters attached. There are buttery soft leather harnesses in colors of Prince Purple and Nicki Minaj Pink. There are non-realistic dildos that don’t resemble a penis in the least!

There is nothing in pegging that says you must do it a certain way. You (and your partner) get to choose what feels right to you.

 

With the fears calmed and the misconceptions corrected, now let’s look at why couples decide they want to explore pegging…

Pegging Facts

  • Pegging is pleasurable for men.

Why would men want to experience this? Because it gives them a lot of pleasure! Men have a prostate gland, which is responsible for manufacturing fluid that helps carry the sperm out of the body. Stimulation of the prostate gland is indeed quite pleasurable for most men. The prostate gland is most easily accessed through the anus.

  • Prostate massage is healthy for the prostate.

Besides the pleasure aspect, pegging can be good for the prostate. Stimulation of the prostate gland, from anal play or pegging, helps keep the prostate healthy. Regular prostate massage can help avoid swollen prostate. It can also help relieve and sometimes eliminate the symptoms of swollen prostate (BPH).

  • Men can orgasm from pegging.

We are not talking about just a little bit of pleasure, here. Again, most men who have experienced an orgasm resulting from a combination of prostate and penile stimulation describe it as roughly 10 times more powerful than a normal orgasm.

In addition, some men can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, with no penile stimulation. As if that weren’t enough, prostate stimulation can offer some men multiple orgasms, which, in heterosexual couples has typically been something only women enjoy. Has your partner ever been jealous of your multiple orgasms? Try pegging and perhaps he can enjoy them, too!

  • Pegging is pleasurable for women.

Women enjoy pegging for a variety of reasons. The taboo aspect can be very hot. Some enjoy the experience of switching roles and running the show; they relish the power and control. Some enjoy giving their partner remarkable levels of pleasure, making them squirm and moan. And that’s not all…

  • Women can orgasm from pegging.

Harnesses and dildos offer a wide variety of clitoral stimulation and G-spot stimulation to help women attain orgasm while fucking their partner. Some women orgasm easily from pegging because the very idea of it excites them so much.

  • Pegging allows you to experience sex from the opposite side of the bed.

Think about it – do you really know what your partner experiences when you have sex? You will when you try pegging! And so will your partner.

You can discover how fucking a partner requires strength, endurance, grace, balance and multi-tasking. Your partner can experience how important foreplay is, how every night is perhaps not a penetration night and the vulnerability required when allowing penetration.

One of the most amazing things about pegging (besides all the pleasure) is that you both gain more understanding and compassion for each other’s usual role in sex, which deepens the intimacy that you share.

  • Pegging offers one more thing for your sexual treasure chest of choices.

Pegging involves role reversal, heightened intimacy, and the thrill of breaking taboos. Pegging can be the totally hot go-to that you enjoy on rare occasions, or the meat and potatoes of your sex life! It’s up to you.

 

©Ruby Ryder 2017

Pegging101.com, your source for pegging information without the kink.

14. August 2017 · Write a comment · Categories: Blog · Tags: ,

Sure, we all dream of those seminal moments of exploring our most powerful fantasy – Pegging. Maybe it’s that take-your-breath-away sensation of feeling the head of a dildo being pushed into your ass for the very first time, or perhaps it’s being the one with the hotter-than-hot view of pushing that dildo into your receiver’s ass! Whichever side of the strap-on that you are on, the very first step after confirming consensual interest and willingness to explore with your partner, is learning the cardinal rules of safe pegging.

The Cardinal Rules Safe Pegging – PANTS

  1. Plenty of Lube

  2. Anal-Safe Toys Only

  3. No Numbing Agents

  4. Take it Slow

  5. Start Small

 

Let’s unpack each rule, shall we?

Plenty of lube. If you have been watching porn, please correct any misconceptions you may have that spit is lube. It is not! A good quality, body-safe, non-toxic lube is essential for pleasurable pegging. Use more than you think you need. Use enough so that you need to put down a cover for the bed so things don’t get messy. Givers, when you are pegging for a while, periodically add more lube to keep things sliding smoothly. Receivers, don’t be shy to ask for more lube when you need it. Pegging sessions can go longer with sufficient lube. Conversely, they can be cut short with insufficient lube, because that can result in too much friction and a sore ass.

Anal-Safe toys only. This seems like a no-brainer, but people just don’t think sometimes. Clean fingers with well-trimmed nails are great (with gloves or without), but no fingers with long nails should ever go in an ass, Use a toy instead, like a butt plug. All anal-safe toys have a flared base for safety. Small vibrators or thin dildos without a flared base can go up into the colon and become irretrievable – necessitating a trip to the ER for removal. No one wants that! Least of all the ER doctors. Flared bases prevent this. No random household items, please!

No numbing agents. There are lubes sold that tout ease of anal penetration because they have numbing agents in them, often Lidocaine. Please do not ever use these for pegging! Pain is an indicator that you are going too fast, using something too large, not using enough lube or you have not properly relaxed. Let your body give you these signals and respond to them by backing off and going more slowly/adding lube/using a smaller toy. If you eliminate the indicator of pain, it is much easier to cause an injury such as an anal tear without even knowing it.

Also – please moderate your use of other more common numbing agents such as alcohol or drugs. Just about every experience of a horrendous injury caused by anal penetration was fueled by alcohol and/or drugs. Be responsible and don’t indulge to the point of bad judgement. If you have already indulged past that point – skip the pegging and wait for another time. Alcohol and drugs can impair the receiver’s ability to discern pain and call a halt. Alcohol and drugs can impair the giver’s ability to pace themselves and not go too fast, too hard or forget the lube.

Take it slow. When I say take it slow, I really mean take it slow! I don’t mean spend 30 seconds playing with the receiver’s anus and then push the toy in. I mean play with that asshole with your fingers, tongue (if you are into rimming) or smaller toys for a decently long time – at least 15 minutes. Take your time. Tease. Take it so slow that the receiver is backing up and asking you for it. And receivers, if your giver isn’t doing this, if they are rushing things, you need call a halt to things until they understand how important it is to take things slow so your ass has time to open up.

Start small. Most of us who have ventured into the land of internet porn have seen clips of huge anal penetrations. Are they possible? Sure – those videos confirm they are possible. Are there repercussions? Past a certain point, yes. What is the limit? That will differ according to who you ask. The largest toy I use is 2.75″ in diameter. But these toys take a lot of time, even months or years, to work up to. The point here is that if you are just starting out pegging, and perhaps just starting out with anal penetration, start small! You may have been watching porn clips with huge toys that make your mouth water with anticipation, but that is not where one begins their pegging journey. Don’t let your eyes be bigger than your ass when you choose your first toy. Unless you are experienced with anal play, a good starter size is 1 – 1.25″ in diameter and 6 – 6.5″ long. You will need a longer toy if the giver has a bigger belly and/or the receiver has a bigger butt (I am looking for a dildo that fits these specifications!) Start small and work up to larger toys as you become accustomed to the smaller ones.

 

So those are the basics! Following these safety rules will decrease the incidence of injury dramatically. And remember, despite your best efforts, sometimes even when you follow all the rules, asses decide not to cooperate. I like to say that asses have personalities, and some nights are just not ass nights. Respect that when it happens and reschedule the pegging or anal play for another time.

Now go forth, and enjoy your ass play!

 

More information:

Approaching your partner to be a giver

Approaching your partner to be a receiver

Podcast (#112) for the givers – eases fears and corrects misconceptions

Solo Anal Play for Newbie Receivers

Couples Anal Play for Newbies

Choosing your equipment

 

© Ruby Ryder

 

This is a wonderful position for women who have shorter legs from the knee to the hip. It allows for easier penetration with his leg up as well as a relaxed position that doesn’t required any straining of endurance to hold. Eye contact and cock accessibility are both good, too! Give it a try and let me know how you like it….

strapons.tumblr.com

Okay Ladies…

Let’s explore what makes you orgasm while pegging. Inquiring minds want to know, including your partners, beginners, other women who peg, and their partners!

Engaging in pegging gets me so hot that I’m dripping, but I am typically more about the orgasm that I give my partner than about me getting off. That’s the way I am built sexually. I love to give pleasure. We are all special snowflakes when it comes to our sexuality. Some women (like me) focus on giving pleasure. Others enjoy pegging men for their own pleasure, not caring about his. Some women are adept at the multi-tasking that men usually perform during PIV, and they can get themselves and their partner off. Some women come easily while pegging. Others never will. All of this depends on responsiveness of the participants, toys, technique, positions, and many other things.

Responsiveness plays a huge role in women’s orgasms during pegging, almost equal to the mental factor! Some women can get off just from the pressure of the base of the dildo against their clitoris. Of course this requires a good fitting harness that will securely hold the dildo low enough to cover the vulva and stimulate the clit. Some women get off easily because the thought of what they are doing is just so fucking hot. Some women need a Magic Wand level of clitoral stimulation to get off, and struggle to orgasm while pegging. So what are some of the factors that provide her pleasure?

Dildo Options for Her Pleasure

Doubles

Every woman’s vagina is different! The various sizes and shapes of bulbs (the end that goes in her) will vary in comfort for each woman. There is no one size fits all. Here’s an article that compares doubles.

Double ended dildos can offer excellent G-spot stimulation. Although there is not a lot of in and out thrusting motion from the bulb end that fits inside her, there is definitely some movement as well as excellent pressure when fucking him. When that pressure hits the G-Spot just right, it feels amazing! For women who orgasm more easily from clitoral stimulation (or a combination of both clitoral and G-Spot) the best double with a vibe option is the Fuze Tango, with the We-Vibe Tango Mini Vibe. Rumbly and not buzzy, this mini vibe is the strongest, rechargeable, and waterproof. It has 8 different vibe choices (three speeds and 5 patterns). Though it doesn’t insert flush into the vibe pocket space, it will never get in the way, and makes it easier to remove for cleaning.

Keep in mind that Doubles require harnesses for 95%+ women who use them, despite the ‘strapless’ claim of many manufacturers. Read more about that here: The Truth About Strapless Strap-ons. Also, many women find that using a double to begin with is difficult, because they need to learn how to fuck first. The learning curve can feel pretty steep for beginners. Of course practicing and getting good at it is quite fun!

Single Dildos

The best clitoral vibe option for a single flare-base dildo is also made by Fuze (what can I say, those Canadians have it down). Their entire line of Fuze Singles, the Velvet, Harmony, Alpha and Wilde all have well placed vibe pockets to hold the We-Vibe Tango.

There are many other dildos made with a hole in the base to insert a vibe as well. Women who need medium to strong clitoral stimulation report that the vibration is insufficient with these models, but some women love them. The We-Vibe Tango may not fit in the dildos with a hole in the base, requiring a shorter bullet vibe instead.

When choosing a dildo with the idea of her clitoral stimulation in mind, think about what she enjoys. If she likes to get off with a motion of pressing against him to increase the vibe on her clit, be sure to choose a dildo that isn’t too long so that she can be in to the hilt (when the best vibe pressure can be obtained) and it is not too deep for him. Nothing worse than needing to push hard against him to get off but not being able to do so because the dildo is uncomfortable when it is in that deep.

The dildo vibe option is great for women who like to fuck with enthusiasm, because there is a cushioning layer of silicone between her clit and the hardness of the vibe. Vigorous thrusting is still comfortable!

Harness Options For Her Pleasure

Vibe Pockets

There are a variety of harnesses with pockets to hold bullet vibes. Spare Parts Harnesses (the Joque, Sasha, Bella and Tomboi) all have two pockets for bullet vibes, above and below the O-ring on the back face of the front harness piece. Using the We-Vibe Tango (which I firmly believe is the best mini vibe in the world) will not work because it’s too long. Regular bullet vibes will work, and you can decide which pocket gives you the most stimulation, or consider using both!

The Sportsheets Plus Size Harness has a vertical pocket for the bullet, which works better, allowing the vibe to nestle in between your vaginal lips, in which case the We-Vibe Tango will work great!

Using the vibe pockets with bullets may reduce the amount of vigorous thrusting you can do, because you basically have a hard metal or plastic vibe between you and the base of the dildo. But some women don’t need as much pressure, and are more sensual peggers, so the pockets work great.

Other Harness Options

If you are a woman loves something in her ass, and you have a two strap harness like the Jaguar or the Minx, the Aslan Leather Double Up Cuff allows you to use a nice butt plug, like the Tantus Ryder or the vibrating Je Joue Nuo, which is an amazing toy all by itself (remote and long distance phone app controlled vibrations). You can enjoy the feeling of your ass being filled while you fuck your partner! You could even give him the remote to the Nuo if you wanted to….

The Double Up Cuff can be purchased as an extra for the Jaguar, but already comes with the Minx. It should work with any 2 strap harness that you own, provided you can detach the straps.

Positions

The positions women prefer vary widely, and seem to have a large mental/visual component. One of my favorite positions for my own stimulation is laying down full length on top of my face down partner and slowly thrusting into his ass (even better if he’s got a Liberator Ramp under his ass). I do have a dominant streak, so that plays into my fantasies, like I am holding him down and he has no choice. Other women find that it’s the most exciting laying on their backs while their partner rides them, simply because the visual is so fucking hot. Doggie style can feel like the ultimate power trip and be extra stimulating mentally, too. Or consider this, if you are a woman who literally gets off because he gets off, you will want the position that produces an orgasm for him, which can trigger yours.

Foreplay Before You Start Pegging

Another consideration to help you achieve orgasm during pegging relates to what you do before you start! Engage in extended foreplay, kissing, and nipple stimulation. Have your partner give you oral sex, fingering or intercourse before you start. But he can’t come if he fucks you! He will lose interest in getting pegged…. 🙁

Other ‘before you start’ options include watching porn together, abstinence for a few days prior to pegging, and even edging for a few days before, too. All those can help!

Men Love to Feel a Woman Orgasm from Pegging Them

Many men talk about how hot it feels when a woman lets go and moves for her own pleasure instead of his. Many also say that the hottest thing ever is when a woman comes from pegging them. So this isn’t only about your orgasm, your partner will enjoy you getting off, too. That’s worth working towards. Practicing is such fun!

 

 

Public Service Announcement!

Been looking for the answer to this one for quite some time.

As an aficionado of pegging, sometimes things can get a little messy and when that happens, odors can be retained in the toy. I’m talking about excellent quality dildos (because that’s all I use). I’ve tried many things to remove that odor with little success.

Ran across this article by Scott at SquarePeg Toys.

Voilà! Success. I’d just purchased a bottle of pure acetone at the drug store – labeled “professional maximum strength 100% acetone”. Quite inexpensive. (Not the colored, scented fingernail polish remover.)

I have a Blush Novelties Ergo Mini that had retained an odor. That is a dual density dildo, softer than most. According to Scott’s article – the softer toys are more prone to odor retention. (He explains why – go read it.)

Used the acetone as described (I had the makeup pads on hand already) and it worked like a charm.

Spread the word! (Just credit Scott at SquarePeg Toys.)

 

beg2bepegged2

I’ve been fucking guys in the ass for some time now.

With my notoriety as Ruby Ryder, I think many people believe I get to fuck guys all the time and that I must have a ton of experience. Measurements of that kind are so subjective, though. What might be a ton to some would barely register with others. My own measure of it is that I have fucked far, far fewer than I could have, because I am particular.

I have met astonishingly handsome men who were never invited into my bed, for a variety of reasons. I have met sweet, thoughtful, intelligent men who never made it to my bed, either, lest you think it’s all about how beautiful their asses were. For me, the combination has to be just right. And of course, the chemistry has to be there, or it’s pointless.

I tell you this to point out that in actuality, I have not had that much experience pegging the sweet asses of multiple men, or even just one man. Probably less than many of you assume. Besides being particular, I have been single most of the last three and a half years.

So leaving the assumptions about fucking asses aside for a moment, let me tell you what’s been happening in my life recently. I have been working out regularly. I found the magic formula that gets me to the gym! A handsome young man (a friend) texts me every day and asks did you work out yesterday? (Doesn’t hurt that he’s in the military, too.) I don’t mind telling him ‘no’ one day, but if I have to tell him ‘no’ two days in a row, it rankles. So I have made it to the gym far more often in the last month than I have for quite some time. I have been cranking those weights up higher and enjoying the burn. I have conquered the land of the elliptical and now enjoy the heretofore-elusive second winds. I feel good.

So, after all that preface…I had an extraordinary experience the other night.

I hit my stride fucking an ass.

That’s the only way I can describe it. I had all the strength I needed. I felt agile; keeping my balance was easy. My core strength had such power and endurance that I was sort of throwing him around the bed like guys have thrown me around before. I had him in missionary position at one point holding his legs up and I impulsively put both ankles in one hand on one side of me and continued fucking him sideways. I actually did it because I was remembering positions guys have put me in, and with my newfound strength and agility, I felt like a kid in a candy store. I wanted to try it all.

Let me at this point gratefully acknowledge the lovely ass I had the pleasure of fucking. Because, as usual, I walk the line between preserving anonymity and fleshing out my story, but I do not want to talk about him like a thing. He’s so very much more than that. I’m going to call him Gorgeous Guy, because he is. He and I started talking a couple of years ago on FetLife and kept missing each other. Finally, we had a couple of dates early this year. Excellent chemistry.

So I invited him to join me last March at the BIL conference. In a lovely hotel room. With a king size bed. And he stood me up. He had his reasons, of course, but I don’t take kindly to being stood up without a word. So I answered his messages politely after that but blew off his advances.

Six months later, he finally convinced me to have dinner with him again. After all, Gorgeous Man is…gorgeous. More importantly, he’s charming, intelligent, and sweet. We had dinner. Then he convinced me that what happened was an anomaly; he’s usually very dependable and he’d like another chance, please. He had a lot of things going on in his life at that time.

We kissed. What little defenses I had left, forgotten with the sheer compatibility of that kiss. Wow. Added to all his other lovely qualities, well, yeah. I was done.

So we played. And it was Gorgeous Guy’s ass that I hit my stride whilst fucking. Couldn’t have wished for a nicer one.

I felt like that silicone cock was a part of me, I swear. I could tell the exact moment when his ass opened up and finally allowed the toy he’d selected from my collection to talk its sizable way inside him. I held steady, waiting for him to adjust to it. The muscles in my thighs and my arms worked hard to hold the position. I watched his open-mouthed closed-eyes expression; the softening…the letting go. Always a beautiful sight.

Later, I lay on top of him, deep inside, with my breasts against his back and only sweat between us. My hips moved with such ease. I put subtle moves on that cock, man. I made him moan and swoon. I was right there.

I owned that strap-on…and that ass.

We played for a long time, and slept soundly that night. Before we slept, I talked with him about how hitting my stride had felt. The best analogy I could come up with was the difference between the first time a guy fucks a girl, and then years down the line after he really starts to get good at it.

So…I feel like I finally have the amazing pegging skills that many of you have attributed to me long before now. Don’t get me wrong…I haven’t had any complaints. The night with Gorgeous Guy was different, though. I have to say that from this side of the strap-on, it was fucking amazing.

No, actually, it was amazing fucking.

 

POPDildo_StephanieBerman

Anyone who has searched for an ejaculating dildo has probably had the same experience. Sure, they are out there, but the quality basically sucks.

So – along comes Stephanie Berman – inventor of the Semenette and the POPDildo.

YES, excellent quality ejaculating dildos are now available!

YES, you can hear all about it here:

Interview with Stephanie Berman, CEO of Semenette.