01. July 2013 · 28 comments · Categories: Blog · Tags:

Okay, everyone listening?

Two common misconceptions about pegging:

  • If a man likes pegging, he must be gay.
  • If you peg a straight man, he will become gay.

Cue Laughter and Eye Roll – Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with…or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this – please excuse the laughter…though I do find the concept quite humorous.

Think of it this way…If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.)

A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady’s finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner’s finger(s) or his partner’s cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something….just like the 150 – 200 million gay men in the world. But wait – I’m probably confusing you…

Unexplored Ecstasy – The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it’s just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from…and oh my the word abstinence  in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with…well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner’s reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out.

All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know…easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey – we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people’s narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not.

No Fear – So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can’t let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really…are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him…don’t kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential.

Pleasure Seeking – Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that’s your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that’s always fun). Given just that, why wouldn’t you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no “Insta-gay” phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you!

Pegger/Peggee – Wouldn’t it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, “Pegger” or “Peggee”? I mean – relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn’t have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, “Look it up on Wikipedia”. Just make sure it’s a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever…in a rather explosive way.

Courage in Advertising? In the spirit of spontaneity and with a plucky sense of sexual idealism…I have created those very shirts for you. Maybe you want the world to know one of your sexual proclivities (if you are on this website, I will bet you have more than just one…lol). Or perhaps you are one half of the pegging equation and are craving your other half for fun and games. I also created coffee mugs to make people at the office wonder what you are up to. Or perhaps you will share a lazy morning cup of Joe with your sweetie after a totally hot night of pegging…the word on the cups extending the sweet afterglow a little longer. Enjoy, dear readers!

Wishing you provocative and passionate pegging.

Ruby Ryder


  1. Pingback: Do Women Love Pegging? |

  2. This piece is hilarious.

    If you are involved in “pegging” it means you enjoy taking it up the rear end (what’s traditionally known as being a pillow biter). The woman is not relevant, how can she be, she doesn’t have the necessary equipment. Whether it be artificial or the real thing at the end of the day you are enjoying “c#ck”. To suggest that pegging is heterosexual is a fallacy and those that suggest it are themselves homophobic and closet cases.

    Remember, in the long standing tradition of the straight world

    C#ck + Vag*na = Heterosexual

    C#ck + Ar$e = Homosexual

    • The area of your body that you enjoy having stimulated has absolutely no bearing on the gender you prefer to do the stimulating. Pegging is an action, not a gender preference.

      If Cock + arse = homosexual, then clearly if you have ever had anal sex with a woman, you are gay!

      • Nahhh, don’t worry about him, he can’t even write “Cock”

      • My husband admits that he only started paying more attention to men and penises after he discovered his prostate and what pleasure a penis could bring to it. His first explorations were after learning about the prostate from a sexual health article, and it went from there. His fantasies evolved from prostate play to play with penises to play with the entire man. After playing with his prostate for a few years using dildos, he discovered gay porn, and that was that. He now has a fantasy that is well beyond just pegging and wants to actually have the real thing. I tend to agree that pegging is not simply another heterosexual act. Penetration is biologically a submissive act, one biologically so for females. Pegging is at its heart a role reversal and for some men it may make them more interested in experiencing sex with real men. It did for my husband when he was younger, and now he has evolved into a bisexual man. He uses dildos as a way to satisfy his discovered gay side, and now those fantasies often involve men. Pegging is now one of the ways he acts his “gay” fantasies out, and it has taken a toll on my self esteem in the process. Prostate play didn’t “make” my husband bisexual or crave a man, but I feel like it definitely pushed him in a direction that he may not have otherwise gotten to on his own.

        • I read and responded to this comment on my podcast #103
          I do understand it from a woman’s perspective, btw – I’m a woman!
          Thanks for your sharing your story!

  3. I wish I could get my wife to try it. She tried once(with a prostate massager) a couple years ago. It was awesome! I came 3 times in 15 minutes. But whenever I ask for it again or suggest pegging with a strapon, she gets all standoffish and is afraid I’ll “go gay” if we do. The idea of being with a man is repulsive to me to say the least. But, the idea of her pegging me……..well, instant tent pole. Suggestions? We talked at length before and she was all into to trying and such then changed her mind about 1.5yr ago.

  4. Hi Ruby

    I want to say THANK YOU for putting this together and clarifying so many misconceptions.

    As a straight male who really likes ass play it’s been really difficult to break apart the negative associations and self-criticism about being ‘gay’ that i give myself just because I like to have anal pleasure. And not that there’s anything wrong with being gay!!!! It still scares me… I’ve been afraid that liking anal stimulation (and man, orgasms are SO much better) suddenly and unequivocally makes me gay. But gender preference vs anal pleasure I can see really does not have any bearing. Reading through this article and others helps clarify a lot of things for me and really reduces my fears.

    Thanks again and PLEASE keep it coming! 😉

  5. Pingback: Ruby Ryder's Pegging Paradise

  6. I wanted to comment to share my own perspective the subject. I find part of the fear in bringing this up is not just dealing with your own emotional baggage its the fear of not being understood. My wife and I have had a very open understanding sex life from the very beginning and we do engage in and mutually enjoy a little posterior play. despite that here’s what happened when I brought the subject up. First of all it took me being quite drunk at the time to even mention it. When I did she didn’t say anything and we didn’t discuss it afterwards we just went about business as usual. What I did find out however was she was very concerned with it and discussed it with a long time mutual female friend of ours. I doubt the discussion was positive because now it seems it’s the subject of an inside joke between the two of them and we still haven’t discussed it.now I want to clarify something at this point my wife and I had always had and honest relationship where we both felt we could talk to each other about anything. It doesn’t seem like it in this case. I trusted her with something that many people don’t understand and she betrayed me. I wish I had the courage to relay to her what I think about all of this but I can’t put myself through that again. Through other unrelated circumstances I had some pretty severe depression and it looked like I was going to lose my job. She had her father come speak to me and tell me to sack up and get my shit together or she would leave. She later told me she can’t deal with a relationship where I am not the strong one. Then I understood I can never undermine my gender role if I want to keep my marriage. In addition to pegging being a subversive sex act that I dig what I found was I liked the fantasy of being the object of someone’s desire to have the freedom to give myself over to someone completely not in a sub/dom sort of way but in the context of an otherwise vanilla relationship. I don’t think that will ever happen. If the reason was she wasn’t down with butt stuff in general it wouldn’t bother me but being trapped into the narrow view of what a “Man” is bothers me more. I wonder if any women who have this fear can articulate why for me?

  7. You need to understand from a woman’s perspective. I also had a very open relationship with my ex….until he started asking for a dildo up his ass. It was fine at first but about 6 months into it it was like ok 30 mins “prepping” which meant putting lube in and around his asshole AND fingering it, then another 30-45 mins fucking his ass with a strapon. And what did I get in return for his “mind-blowing” best ever orgasm? 10 mins of half-hearted, half-limp vaginal that was so bad I just said fuck it and got myself off (much to his relief). Went on for six months of him half-giving it to me and then trying to guilt trip me into pulling out the dildo before I finally said enough is enough.

  8. My bf and I both lost our anal virginity to each other. I LOVED doing it to him. I mean I almost got off just from the strap on rubbing where it should. We had some of the best Hotest sex that night!

    He’s terrified our friends will found out because he doesn’t want to be called “gay”. How sad is that…this was great pleasure for us both! And trust me. He’s far from being confused. Try it friends!!! You won’t be disappointed.

  9. My husband is super into pegging. I, on the other hand, am repulsed by the idea. I hate that I am. I couldn’t tell you why.
    It is not a homophobia thing, I love me some gays. But seeing a man fucked in the ass is seriously repulsive to me. And I hate that about myself.
    We have done it about a dozen times and every time he enjoys it and gets off. But when he asks for it my heart sinks and I experience anxiety. I feel so terrible because he knows how much I hate it and he feels bad for asking me, which isn’t fair to him.
    What can I do?

  10. I love pegging and I am totally straight. My wife and I did it once where we both climaxed at the same time. She refuses to do it anymore because she says I am bisexual. I am not attracted to men at all but I do enjoy shemale porn. I think I could have sex with a shemale if she was attractive. Do you think my wife is right?

  11. Sorry i disagree, you don’t have to be GAY to like pegging. It really just depends on who you like to do it with. I am straight and love to be pegged by my wife!

  12. Why can a man like anal with out been classed as gay .I’ve fucked myself since I was a teen just tried it and liked it. Never ever been with a man but been pegged regularly for over ten years. The gay thing does nothing for me at all but the older I get I think I would like to try a real cock just to experience the real thing and I don’t care what anyone says that doesn’t make me gay.i just enjoy anal sex and I’m a 6ft5 normal everyday guy.hate that just because you enjoy something you have to put in a certain bracket. Should just be able to do what you want with out all the criticism.

  13. Hi. Maybe you can help me understand. I’m with my husband for almost 20 years. Few times during the sex I tried to put my finger in his ass but there was always no from him. We had anal sex with him being in my ass. We have used dildo in our bedroom but only to be used with me. Around two years ago I found that my husband was using my dildo. Said that it was only on few accessions for curiosity. Then I found that actually he bought himself few new dildos for anal use. But he still has never even mentioned that this is something he would like to do with me. I need to admit that I feel very hurted knowing that he has his own secrets something he doesn’t want to share with me and this is having a big impact on our relationship. Can it be that he is starting to be inteesting in gay sex but is to scared to admit even for himself. We are coming from a country that being a gay is not acceptable for the society.
    He is avoiding to talk about it and on the other hand I don’t know if I can belive to what he says anyway as he wasn’t onest before. We he can’t just tell me that this is what he likes and we can do it together?

  14. I’m definitely up for taking a nice fake cock by a hot woman. I’ll try it and let others watch. I wish my cleaning lady would peg me….

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