23. October 2013 · 14 comments · Categories: Blog · Tags: ,

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Attention Anal Newbies

Is he new at receiving ass play? Are you new at giving it?

Here are some suggestions for you women who want to begin to explore your man’s ass before donning that strap-on and going for the pegging.

 

Preparation

  • Brush up on your in-bed communication skills if you need to because the most important part about all of this is to stay in communication with each other.
  • Look at a map of the prostate gland and get a general idea of where it is located.
  • Make sure your fingernails are non-existent. Or push cotton balls into the fingers of a glove with a pen and wear the glove.
  • He needs to be fresh out of the shower. Exterior – Simple soap and rinse of his anal area will leave it clean for play. At this point you need to take into consideration the sensitivities of the couple. If either of you are freaked out about encountering a small amount of fecal matter he can rinse his rectal canal with this or this (emptied out and refilled with plain water) while in the shower.  An enema is not necessary. If you are both less sensitive to that and are okay with that very occasionally being part of the territory he can skip the rinse out and just make sure his bowels are empty. Have wipes or towels handy and you are golden!
  • Don’t be drunk or significantly altered, be fully present. Limit yourself to one drink if either of you need it to relax.

 

Getting down to it

  • Remember to have fun and don’t rush.
  • Do some foreplay before going straight for his ass. (It’s his turn for foreplay!) Kissing, a little bit of a blowjob or handjob so he’s hard and excited; in a state where normally he would be ready to fuck you.
  • Then, he needs to lie down and relax. Face down with a pillow underneath his hips is usually most comfortable for him to receive and you to explore.
  • Rimming if you are into it is a great way to start. It feels amazing and is a great precursor to anal exploration. The tongue feels so warm and cozy that you just want to open up your ass and let it in. This is good because that’s exactly what needs to happen. So have fun with the rimming if you’re down with that.
  • Get out the lube and apply liberally
  • This next part use gloves if you have fingernails or if you just prefer them for anal play.
  • Play with his ass with one finger pushing in just a little ways and then back out, slowly. Do that for a while. Sometimes he will ask for more. Gradually push your longest finger into his ass all the way. Remember where the prostate is; in this position it is in and down. You should just be able to reach it with your longest finger. You are trying to feel a round firm place about the size of a walnut. It is easier to feel if he is aroused. Stroke it don’t poke it! (Credit for this line goes to The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure by Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian). Sometimes it is hard to find so don’t worry if you can’t locate it right away. The more excited he is the easier it will be to find because it begins to fill with fluid. (Rare, but some women cannot reach the prostate because their fingers are not long enough.)
  • While your finger is inside him you can put your thumb on his taint and push or rub gently there, too. This basically lets you stimulate the prostate from inside and outside.
  • Experiment gently with faster, slower, stroking in different directions, firmer or softer pressure and get his feedback about what he likes best. Try to get really good at exactly what he likes best.
  • If it is comfortable for him, gently and slowly push in another finger. When I say slowly, I mean centimeters at a time. You can use your other hand to play with his balls, rub his ass or his back. Keep it sensual.
  • Instead of continuing to push your fingers in relentlessly, stop when you sense the pressure is too much or he asks you to wait for a bit. Back out and than go back in. Tease his ass; giving him a chance to open up more.
  • If he cannot take another finger, he might want to stop there and continue exploring the next night (or day). This is perfectly okay! More time for anticipation and gradual exploration.
  • If he’s had enough ass play – then continue your play in your favorite way. Afterwards talk about how the ass play felt, what you both liked best, if there was anything that you didn’t like and ask questions if you have them. Talk about what you want to try next time.

 

If he wants to keep going

  • You can either use a small toy or a dildo, whichever you have. No larger in diameter than 1.25″, smaller is fine. Make sure the toy is anal safe with a flared base and non-toxic. Hold it in your hand – it’s too soon for the harness.
  • Reapply lube. (Do this often with fingers and toys, whenever you even think you need it. Anal penetration feels so much better with a lot of lube.)
  • When you penetrate his anus with the toy, once again go very slowly. Initial penetration technique is important so listen up – Push until you feel that resistance or he says to wait and then stop pushing. Do not back off and do not push forward, just stay there. This is important because when his sphincter opens if you are still pushing forward you can all of a sudden push it abruptly all the way inside him – not fun. Perhaps you’ve had that happen to you?
  • If you can feel him pushing back to meet you, you know that it’s okay to go forward.
  • Do not bottom out hard – this can feel bad in the beginning. Depends on how long your toy is and how much his ass can handle. Don’t be in a hurry to push it all the way inside him; his prostate isn’t that far in anyway and that’s usually where it feels the best.
  • Once in, just hold it there for a bit – 30 – 45 seconds or so. Let him get used to the feel of it.
  • Begin to stroke in and out very slowly
  • Talk to him – feel okay? Do you like me fucking your ass? Do you want more? Keep it sexy instead of clinical.
  • Remember where the prostate is. Experiment with changing the angle of the toy to see if it will feel better in different positions (this is what men who are good lovers do when they are fucking you).
  • At this point he may want to get up on his knees so that he has more freedom to move and add to the motion.
  • DO NOT WORRY if he is not hard. If you are concerned whether he is having a good time or not – just ask.
  • Talk to him. Keep going? Harder/softer/faster/slower?
  • Ask him if his cock wants attention (if he hasn’t already got it in his hand). Many men say yes – some say no because cock stimulation interferes with the sensations of the prostate for some men.

 

If he wants cock stimulation

  • Here you can decide to keep going and give him a handjob (if he wants that or wants to do it himself) or have him turn over and lay on his back for a handjob/blowjob. He may be ready to turn over if he’s been on his stomach and/or knees a while.

 

If he stays on his knees

  • You can either kneel on the bed on one side of him so that you can use the dildo and stroke his cock more easily or you can stay behind him and reach around for his cock – whatever works.

 

If he turns over

  • Your position will be on your knees with your legs spread so that your knees are on the outside of his hips and under his bent knees. This position will give you a balance point so that you can use the dildo with one hand and give him a blowjob or handjob with the other. Again – if he wants to stroke his own cock – rock on.

 

An Orgasm in Not Necessary

  • Just go with whatever feels right for him. Some men cannot get hard or orgasm when something is in their ass. Some men get rock hard the moment anything is in their ass. Don’t make orgasm the goal, have it be about the pleasure of the exploration, the fun of trying something new and the amazing sensations you can find along the way.

 

Here’s why I went into so much detail with this topic. Because when you finally strap on, ladies, the learning curve is steep because you were not born with a cock. You don’t know how to move, balance, make it do what you want. Takes practice. So if you take the time to explore your man’s ass in the manner described above, you will already have a sense of what you are trying to duplicate with your strap-on because you’ve figured out what he loves with your fingers and holding that dildo in your hand. That is why these steps are so important for pegging newbies!

Sure, you can just go down to the local toy store and get some equipment, come home and dive in and it might turn out okay or it might turn out badly. The thing is, you will both be missing so much potential pleasure. Sexual exploration is not something to be rushed. It is best done relaxed, playfully, curiously, with lots of communication and luxuriating in every moment of new sensation.

 

©Ruby Ryder

 

Strap-less Strap-ons, Harness-less Strap-ons, Double-enders or Doubles.

I’ve seen them referred to as all of the above. There are a number of manufacturers who makes these babies and they vary quite a bit. Let’s take a look at what’s out there….

 

Realdoe pic

Feeldoe/Realdoe

The Feeldoe is perhaps the most well known and has a smooth shiny finish. They also manufacture the Realdoe, which basically looks more realistic in color and shape and has a matte finish. The Feeldoe is offered in varying sizes; Classic, Slim, Stout and More. The Realdoe is offered only in Classic and Slim (same measurements). Both models are offered with vibes and without. The vibes are not strong but some women enjoy them. The material used is 100% silicone. These dildos are quite firm – too firm for some users who prefer a softer, more gentle anal experience. The firmness of the toy does make penetration easier, however and can also make it easier to stimulate the prostate effectively. Some say the angle is not quite right for pegging. (Some say the angle is better for lesbian strap-on sex.) Other users have no such complaints and love their Feeldoe! The Realdoe is about the size of the Feeldoe Classic, and Realdoe Slim is about the size of the Feeldoe Slim. Made of a softer silicone than the Feeldoes, with a matte finish.

 

 

 

 

Fun Factory Share XS
Fun Factory Share
Fun Factory Share
Fun Factory Share XL

Fun Factory Share

The Fun Factory Share comes in 3 sizes, the regular size as well as XS and XL. The matte finish on these toys means that when it’s time to reapply lube – don’t wait because it can be irritating on the tissues rather quickly. These toys are softer, have more give to them and are a bit heavier that the Feeldoe line. Some users complain about the floppiness. They are 100% silicone. The bulb insertion is larger which presents a problem for some women but is exactly what others prefer to keep it in more effectively as well as have more sensation on their G-spot. The XL seems to be quite a challenge size-wise for most receivers!

XS – Lengths of inserted parts: active part: 3.9″ passive part: 5.5″

Diameter – peak active part: 1.37″ toy-peak passive part: 0.89″

Share – Lengths of inserted parts: active part: 3.4″ passive part: 6.3 inch”

Diameter – Toy tip active part: 1.5″ Toy tip passive part: 1.38 ”

XL – Lengths of inserted parts: active part: 3.4″ passive part: 7.1″

Diameter – Toy-peak active part: 1.49″ toy-peak passive part: 1.37″

 

 

 

 

Nexus Senior

Nexus Junior

Vixen Nexus

Another softer and more flexible double-ender, the main difference between this toy vs the Share and Feeldoe is that it was never intended to stay in without a harness. It was always intended to be used with one. The Nexus is offered in 2 sizes; Senior and Junior. A vibe option is not offered. Criticisms are that it is too floppy, but some say this can be a good thing for positions that are not a “straight shot”, so to speak. This is another toy made of 100% silicone. The base of this toy where the dildos are joined can provide nice cushioning for those hard thrusting couples.

Senior: Curved side: 5-¼” x 1-¼” Straight side: 6″ x 1-¾”

Junior: Curved side: 5″ x 1-¼” Straight side: 5-¼” x 1-¼”

 

 

 

 

Happy Valley Tango

Happy Valley Tango

Tango – 6 3/4″ x 1 3/8″ and 4 1/2″ x 1 5/8″.

Love the name. I had not heard much about the Tango, but find that it’s sold in a couple of big name on-line retailers. Described as firmer than the Nexus but softer than the Feeldoe, some people say that the Tango takes all the best parts of the other models and puts it into one toy. This toy is 100% silicone and comes with a vibe. Can’t wait to hear more..

Update: It was time for Ruby to get a double-ended dildo and she chose the Tango. Partly for the reason that it is touted as taking the best parts of all the others. I used it with the Spare Parts Joque harness. My partner enjoyed the feel of the Tango and it was not either too firm or too floppy. The size was good for him, even though he tends to be somewhat tight.

The bulb end fit nicely inside me, not too tight or too loose. Felt great. The vibe placement was excellent. Between the G-spot stimulation from the bulb and the vibe I had a lovely time. I did remove the weak bullet vibe and replace it with a WeVibe Salsa (below). Pricey choice but an excellent one. Love that little vibe; it packs a punch! Plus it is easier to get out of the dildo because it’s a little longer. The Salsa is totally rechargeable, too. Forget about the batteries.

 

WeVibe Tango

WeVibe Tango/Salsa

A Word About Bullet Vibes

The bullet vibes included with these toys are not very powerful. I recommend the rechargeable WeVibe Tango/Salsa bullet vibe (3″ x .625″)as much more powerful replacement. The Tango/Salsa is a tad larger than the standard bullet (2.25″ x .5″) and will stick out a bit, but that does not get in the way, and is actually easier to pull out of the dildo when you are done. The Tango and Salsa are the top of the line bullet vibes – strongest, rechargeable (no batteries!), 8 different vibe patterns and it’s waterproof! The difference between the two is that the Salsa has a typical rounded tip and the Tango has a lipstick contour tip.

 

Not Strapless!

You have probably heard me rant about this a fair amount – but I can’t write an article about double-enders without mentioning the “strapless” part. For heterosexual couples who are using double-ended dildos for pegging, which I assume most of you reading this here at Pegging Paradise are, it is very rare to not need a harness. (This apparently is not the case with lesbian strap-on sex.) So if pegging is what you are doing, just ignore all the ‘strap-less’ or ‘harness-free’ claims…and feel free to admire those fetching pictures of women wearing a double-ended dildo and nothing else, but do not take them for reality.

Why is this so? Kegel muscles, no matter how strong, cannot compete with anal sphincter muscles. In addition, when a woman gets turned on and juicy – that is one more challenge to holding the toy in. Do not fall for the “if she has strong enough Kegel muscles she can keep it in” reasoning. The vast majority of women cannot use these toys without a harness so there is no need to feel less-than or like you don’t have strong enough muscles. Needing a harness for pegging with a double-ended dildo is completely normal.

 

A Word About Lesser Doubles

I am not going to give serious discussion to toys like a long large jelly worm that you are supposed to stick in both people. Those toys are toxic and cannot be sterilized. Do not waste your time or money…and your health. There are a few others out there that cost less but you will likely find they are made of sub-standard materials. Do your research well if you are considering buying one. Make sure it is 100% silicone, phthalate-free and can be sterilized.

Update – there are now doubles like the jelly worms but made of silicone!!

Fun Factory Wave
Fun Factory Sonic

Update – New 100% silicone Double-ended dildos!
Vamp Silicone Duetto
BSisnice Olga
Wet For Her Four

 

Whichever toy you use – please write and share your story…contribute to the collection of knowledge about pegging equipment so the next group of beginners can benefit from our trial and error.

As always – happy pegging!

 

Yes, there are indeed many women who love pegging. All women are different and their specific reasons for enjoying strap-on sex are as many and varied as the individual women are. Some women enjoy pegging as another tender, sensual addition to sweet lovemaking. Some like to combine it with other kinks (and those are many and varied as well). Certain themes rise to the top when women talk about why they like pegging. The vulnerability of the man. The taboo aspect. The pleasure of running the show. The fascination of sexually switching places. The deepening of intimacy.

I most definitely love pegging. I know, no surprise there!

But what is it exactly that turns my crank when I don a strap-on and peg my guy? My, my, my…so many things.

The Pleasure Principle

More than any other reason, I love to peg a man because it brings him so much pleasure. Some time ago I had the privilege of introducing a new  lover to pegging. After he came exquisitely hard in his hand while I sunk deep inside him…he gasped, “I had no idea!” I love the cause and effect of watching a man’s body react when I thrust inside him. I love the moans and gasps I can elicit. Pegging allows me to actually be inside him giving him pleasure, which is a thrill in itself; the only time in sexual play that I get to do that. But mostly…I just love to put a man in ecstasy with my strap-on.

Open up, Baby

There is a vulnerability that is necessary for a man to be penetrated. I don’t really see that with vanilla sex. A softness in his face. His eyes become a little unfocused or they close. I love that vulnerability. I love to see a man purely receptive and open…it is a rare and beautiful sight. That vulnerability makes me want to gather him in my arms and fuck him sweetly and continuously until he comes with cries of passion.

Happy at the Helm

I love…running the fuck. I am in control. I can tease him…or pound him…until he begs for release or respite. I can change the angle of my toy just a bit and know it’s driving him crazy with pleasure. Or I can stay still, buried inside him and drive him crazy with wanting more. I am wearing the dildo, so I get to decide.

Forbidden Fruit

I love the taboo aspect of it. I mean, as taboo thrills go – fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo is like the Dubai Tower of illicit sex thrills for me. But also there is the whole ass thing. Sadly, asses suffer from widespread discrimination. People who are happy to dress up their derrière  in sexy articles of clothing designed to attract widespread attention…would never think of  undressing that ass and actually taking it for a drive to see what it can do! Asses are often thought of as a dirty, nasty place that serves only one function, period. Well, let’s see…dirty? Absolutely. Which is why you wash it really, really well before you start playing with it!  Nasty? Yes! Nasty with a capital N and an exclamation mark. The juicy, titillating, throbbing, aching, fun kind of nasty. …Serves only one function? Well there are many many gay men who would beg to differ…and thankfully a growing number of straight men who have also discovered the joys of anal pleasure. *steps off soapbox*

Deliciously Dissident

Flouting  intolerant opinions is a hobby of mine. Above and beyond the ass itself, a lot people have judgments about pegging, from both sides of the dildo. If you are a man who likes pegging, clearly you must be gay…and if you are a woman who likes pegging, you wish you were a man. I love flying in the face of all those judgments and doing what I want just because I enjoy it. Sometimes I think that I gravitate towards kinkier stuff because there is a part of me that resists anyone telling me what I  should or shouldn’t do, most especially in the realm of sexual exploration. So if people view something as taboo – damn, that might be a hot thing to try! I am a bit of a rebel at heart. Does it give me a charge to know that if I told some of my friends about my proclivity for pegging, they would be shocked? Indeed it does. *smile*

The Visuals

The delectable vision of spreading those cheeks and sinking slowly into his ass…that is one of the hottest,  most amazingly arousing visuals I have ever seen….like, ever. Now I know why some of the kinkier dating sites that have amateur videos are overrun with clips of men holding a video camera pointing straight down as their cock is sinking into their woman who is on her hands and knees…I get it, guys! And from a different position, the look on his face when I am stroking my strap-on in and out…that surprised naked passion sort of OMG-what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-to-me-I-love-this look. It’s incomparable. His hands reaching back to pull his ass cheeks apart. Riding me and stroking his cock. So many visuals! Who says women aren’t as visual as men! If more women tried pegging perhaps the numbers would change.

My Pleasure

Do I get pleasure? Oh yes. Oh God, yes. Dripping throbbing, aching, clenching pleasure…without a doubt. I’m playing with how to orgasm while I am actually pegging my guy. Some women do…and I want to join them in that singular pleasure. There are dildos that offer a vibe in the base that are slated for experimentation…I’ll let you know how it goes. Might take a lot of practice…I don’t think he will mind.

Yes indeed, some women love pegging!.

Ruby Ryder

One of the first questions I hear from ladies who are new to the concept of Pegging is, “Doesn’t it hurt?”

Now these might be ladies who have yet to explore posteriors in any serious fashion – either their own or the posterior of their partner. Yet sometimes I think that reaction is a direct result of their own ass having been at the receiving end of rushed and inexperienced fingers/cocks/toys.

It may indeed be a thrill (for both parties) after indulging in extended foreplay to thrust a cock fast and deep into a slick and wet pussy. Awesome. Just don’t try that with an ass…because all but the most experienced in anal play will probably experience pain, no matter how copious the lube. Key word for anal exploration…slow. Take your time, tease that puckered little hole until you can feel your partner pushing their ass back wanting more. You want them reaching for it, hot for it…because it feels so good. Take…your…time.

So how exactly does one go about teasing an anus? Thought you’d never ask.  Next time…”The Basics of Rimming”.

Thought for the day: Yes, a woman can fuck her man in the ass with a dildo and still be a “lady”. In fact the contradictory nature of combining the two can be seriously hot! “Madonna/Whore” much?

Some prefer their dildos to look realistic. Others enjoy finding one in their favorite color. This is the “Mistress” in shimmering purple by Vixen Creations. 100% silicone. And that’s me wearing it.

Ruby Ryder

A man found my website with the search words:

“i bled after being pegged”

This situation always concerns me. Anal tissues are much more fragile and subject to tearing than, for example, vaginal tissues (where babies are born from). So many people do not realize that care must be taken when approaching anal penetration. A LOT of care. And too many people don’t seem to realize that when I say slow I really mean slow…like half an hour of foreplay, not just sticking your finger in his ass for a minute and then two fingers for a minute and then shoving a dildo up his ass. NO!!!

If you go too fast with pegging, it can definitely cause problems. Bleeding is one of them. If you see any blood while pegging, call it a night, give his ass a rest and try in a couple of days. Usually there will be pain connected to bleeding, too. So some people wonder when to be concerned if there is bleeding. If it’s just a spot or two, no problem. You should still stop the fucking and let his ass recover. If there is more blood and/or it doesn’t stop, a trip to the doctor might be in order. These are the Mayo Clinic’s guidelines for seriousness of symptoms.

For the Newbies

Step-by-step foreplay in my article “Newbie Ass Play”