badwomaninside.tumblr.com

badwomaninside.tumblr.com

One thing I have been hearing about over and over lately is couples who rush through the period of time between getting excited about trying out pegging, and the first time the actually do it.

There is so much to learn and so much to enjoy during that space of time! Not only will you really miss out if you rush through it, your initial experience with pegging might be more awkward and difficult as a result. So many ‘firsts’ happen, too! You don’t want to miss a one.

I’m big on anticipation. If I could give lovers a timeline to follow from when they share that first exciting moment of embracing the concept of pegging, feeling all that eagerness to explore, to the actual moment of insertion, it would look something like this…

  • For the next 5 or more times you have sex, explore his ass as a part of your foreplay. If you want to try rimming for foreplay, but aren’t sure about sticking your tongue in his ass, try a dental dam – they are sheer and ultra-thin – he won’t be able to tell the difference. Use fingers and plenty of lube. Gloves are optional. Take it really slow, make it a sensual experience. Stay in communication and have fun. Giggle and laugh if you feel like it. Sometimes exploring new territory is funny and it’s okay to feel nervous or self-conscious. Go so slow that he is arching his ass back to meet her fingers.
  • Around the 3rd or fourth time, once he can easily take a couple of fingers, use the beginner dildo that you bought for pegging. She can hold it in her hand and discover what angle, depth, and speed sends him to the moon. This is what she will be trying to duplicate when she straps it on.
  • Spend one evening staying in. She wears the harness while you both cook/eat dinner, watch TV, or clean the kitchen. This gets her used to putting it on and how it feels to have a cock! It also teases the fuck out of him to watch her walk around with it. Heh heh.
  • Finally – this is the night. He cleans out. He has no fear whether he can take the toy or not – he’s already had it inside him. She knows what she is aiming for after playing with the toy and her fingers. She’s used to wearing the harness and cock and knows how to put it on. The blanket is on the bed, because you’ve done this before. The lube is handy, along with a towel, and you are ready to begin pegging…

Enjoy.

  • Write and tell me how it went and I will play the music for you on my next podcast!

 

 

Gentlemen

First of all…

You are not alone.

Certainly not alone in the sense of enjoying anal stimulation, and not alone in the sense of scared to tell your significant other. It can be a super scary thing, for a lot of reasons.

Telling your partner requires 3 things.

  • Communication
  • Information
  • Patience/Persistence

Communication:
Do you two talk in bed?? Do you talk about sex? Do you tell each other what turns you on and how things feel and what you fantasize about? If you don’t, start right now. If you are not used to it, at first it will be hard to open your mouth and get the words out. Communicating about sex opens doors and brings you much closer together, beside adding a bit of titillation factor to both of your sex lives!
Information:
Does your wife know that prostate massage has been proven to help with a healthy prostate?
Here’s the study
Does she know that the prostate is capable of giving intense levels of pleasure, just like her G-Spot?
Does she know that pegging doesn’t have to be like pegging porn?
Does she know that you enjoying anal stimulation says nothing about your sexual orientation?
I created a podcast just for the women, to address all of their fears and concerns. I recommend you listen to it first, because only you can decide whether it’s right for your partner. Many men have had great success with it!

Patience/Persistence
When you tell her about it, don’t present it all self-conscious like you have leukemia. Tell her you discovered something way cool – that you have another erogenous zone and you want nothing more to explore it with her. Be excited! Give her the information and then be patient for a few days. Ask again, no resentment, no impatience, just eagerness and curiosity whether she looked at the information or listened to the podcast. Be patient, but persistent. And above all, calm.

Of course you have fears! Among them…

  • She will think you are gay
  • She will think pegging will turn you gay
  • She won’t respect you in the morning
  • She will tell her/your friends

The podcast will help a lot with all of these.

Because here’s the thing…
Do you want to live the rest of your life never asking her? If she is down to try it, you could be enjoying pegging right now. And if she isn’t, then you at least asked. So many men wish they had not waited so long to ask their partners. Pegging is a very intimate act, so wouldn’t it be awesome to be doing it with the person you are the closest to in the whole world?

Now, if your partner is sexually inhibited, sexually conservative, sexually close-minded, and you only do it missionary position, no oral or anal, then perhaps it would not be a good idea to blow her out of the water with pegging. Only you can decide!

Good luck!
Ruby

This comment was left on the article “Do Women Love Pegging?” This woman’s experience is not unique. I thought it needed front page exposure.

Ruby, I can’t say I enjoy this site but I am glad you give real advice, nowhere else to turn. My bf and I are having some problems with pegging. I agreed to do it once and hated it completely. I thought once I gave in and at least tried (like I’ve noticed you tell so many women to do) he would at least respect me for trying. Wrong. He talks about it constantly, even more than bjs or vaginal. I wasn’t really turned off by the anal stimulation itself, but the fact that he loved sucking on a dildo really bothered me, that’s taking it a lot further than just stimulation, that’s wanting to suck d*** which is very gay-curious.

So please Ruby as much as you want to tell women this lifestyle is healthy and normal they need to understand that once you open Pandora’s box, you can’t close it and you might not like what you find out. Finding out your bf enjoys sucking and taking something that for all purposes is a penis can be a huge turnoff, especially if it interests him more than a vagina.

Thank you very much for leaving a comment here. I’m sorry to hear that your first time of pegging did not go as well as you both hoped it would, and seemed to be very upsetting for you. Perhaps I can help.

My response is going to be pretty long, and I am going to post this on my blog as well as talk about it on my next podcast, because it’s so important for my listeners to hear. There are definitely other women out there who have had experiences just like you did; you’re not the only one.

I hope you find this information useful. Please understand that pegging isn’t for everyone, and it might not be for you. I’m not trying to talk you into it. Just trying to show you the other side of the picture a little, to hopefully help you understand his point of view.

I wasn’t really turned off by the anal stimulation itself, but the fact that he loved sucking on a dildo really bothered me, that’s taking it a lot further than just stimulation, that’s wanting to suck d*** which is very gay-curious.

So, let’s talk about your assumption that your boyfriend is “gay-curious” because he enjoyed sucking the dildo. First of all – if he is anything other than heterosexual (straight), it’s going to be bisexual – because if he’s fucking you, he is not gay. Gay is if he enjoys men only. Now…Imagine two lesbians who do strap-on sex. If one of them enjoys sucking on the dildo, does that mean she really wants a man? Of course not. I don’t know if your boyfriend is bi-curious. I assume you two have talked about it in the context of your concerns about trying pegging. If he said he’s not, I’d believe him. If you didn’t talk about it, you need to do that and to express your concerns. Pegging is an act, not an orientation. Sure, the equipment you are using resembles a penis, but go back to that lesbian example – it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants a real penis. Ask him.

Sucking the dildo could be something he did because he thought you would like it, in the context of the role reversal experienced in pegging. Let me explain. I have heard more than one man tell this exact story – that when first faced with his girlfriend/wife wearing a strap-on, it is so exciting, because usually he’s been fantasizing about it for a long time, that he doesn’t know what to do. So his first thought is, well if that was me standing there, what would I want? I’d want to have her suck on my dick! So he proceeds to do that and freaks out his partner. She thinks – what the hell? I can’t feel it and is he just pretending I am a man? ‘Cause this feels really screwed up! I get it. I’m not a fan of my partner sucking on the dildo so much. To me it seems pointless, because I can’t feel it and it does nothing for me. But if it does something for him, then it’s more fun for me.

Consider this – many of us have fantasies that are always going to remain fantasies because it’s not something we really want in real life. It could be that it turns him on to think about it but he would never in a million years want to actually do it with a guy.

Also, consider this. If he wanted to be with a man, it would be SO much easier to go have sex with a man than go to the trouble to convince you to try pegging, right? He wants to do this with you.

I agreed to do it once and hated it completely. I thought once I gave in and at least tried (like I’ve noticed you tell so many women to do) he would at least respect me for trying.

Your phrasing is painful to read. You “gave in and at least tried” but seem to have already been anticipating never doing it again and expecting him to respect you for trying and to then leave you alone about it. That’s no way to explore new sexual territory with your partner. It’s a guaranteed failure. If you are at least neutral about trying something, that can work, but it doesn’t sound like you were. And whether that was because you had fears about him being bisexual or that pegging him would fan the flames if he was, I have no way of knowing.

He talks about it constantly, even more than bjs or vaginal.

Imagine if you suddenly discovered that you could have an orgasm 10 times more powerful than anything you had ever experienced. That’s what an orgasm is like with a combination of prostate and penile stimulation. So if you discovered that intense level of pleasure, wouldn’t you want to do that…a lot? Or imagine that you discovered that if your boyfriend stimulated your G-Spot with his fingers or a toy that it could give you a total blow-your-mind, full-body orgasm. Wouldn’t you be eager to do it a LOT? And he might be sitting there going….what about my dick? What about regular intercourse?

So…when men first experience pegging, their enthusiasm for it can be an issue for some couples. And it’s not just about the level of pleasure, it’s also about experiencing sex in a completely different way that allows them to be vulnerable and to open up and receive. It does kind of blow their mind.

My advice for couples who have this issue is to schedule regular pegging, and I am not even kidding. Otherwise, every time they head to the bedroom, he’s hoping she will peg him and she’s pissed off because it feels like that’s all he ever wants. If you schedule it, he can relax and know he’ll be getting it regularly, and you can relax and not feel pressured every time you have sex. Plus, pegging requires some preparation for him, so scheduling helps that, too. Tell him that his continued interest in rocking your world sexually in all the ways he usually does is the price of admission to regular pegging land.

So please Ruby as much as you want to tell women this lifestyle is healthy and normal they need to understand that once you open Pandora’s box, you can’t close it and you might not like what you find out. Finding out your bf enjoys sucking and taking something that for all purposes is a penis can be a huge turnoff, especially if it interests him more than a vagina.

It sounds here like you are saying you now have proof positive that your boyfriend is bi-curious, because of one session of pegging where he enjoyed sucking the dildo and getting fucked by it. The dildo was attached to your body, right? Which I assume has breasts and a vagina? Unless you have talked with him about the bi-curious thing and he has said, “Yes, I am bi-curious”, you are making incorrect assumptions about your boyfriend’s orientation (remember the lesbians!). Pegging doesn’t magically turn a man bisexual and he suddenly starts craving hairy, muscular bodies. Not the way it works. If he was bi-curious to begin with, it might arouse his curiosity a little more, but straight men don’t turn bisexual because of pegging.

…Interests him more than a vagina…

I imagine that feels quite painful, and you need to tell him how it feels to you. In fact – take some time and calmly talk all this through, that would be my advice. Tell him you feel like he’s obsessed with pegging now, that that’s all he wants to talk about and he isn’t interested in your vagina anymore.  Tell him that sucking the dildo really turned you off and freaked you out and tell him why. And then talk with him about his orientation – don’t accuse him of being gay because he sucked a penis-shaped object and had it up his ass. Lesbians fuck each other’s vaginas with penis-shaped objects, too – are they straight? Talk with him about it calmly and ask him if there is any part of him that is bi-curious. That’s the only way you are going to get open communication is to…communicate openly. Otherwise, you can assume anything you want and agonize over it as much as you want, too. And it could all be for nothing.

If he is bi-curious, then you need to figure out what that means for your relationship and go forward from there. But at least you won’t be sitting there accusing him of being bisexual because of something that happened with a sex toy when you two were in bed!

Good luck to you both. And if you feel so inclined – we’d all love to hear what happens.

Ruby Ryder