So, dear readers, it’s that time again. Periodically, I write a post about how pegging is not gay.

Why? Because the assumption is so very prevalent that monthly reminders are necessary for all the newcomers to my blog.

A reminder is also necessary for those of you who are considering trying it out but you have concerns. You guys lurking and reading and trying to decide if you really want to do this wild thing called “pegging” or not? Yeah. This post is for you. Here’s my message for you today:

 

Don’t listen to the little voice.

You know, the one that says…

 

He must be gay if he likes ass play.

If I peg him, he’ll leave me and go get a real cock.

If I like ass play I must be gay.

If she pegs me it’s will be like a gateway drug and I’ll want men!


That little voice is not your friend. That little voice is lying to you, misleading you and scaring you. Conclusion: that little voice is not nice. Ignore it.

 

The only thing that determines your sexual orientation is which gender you are attracted to – not what they do to you!

 

♥ If you are sexually attracted only to the opposite gender, you are heterosexual.
♥ If you are attracted only to the same gender, you are gay.
♥ If you are sexually attracted to both genders, you are bisexual.

 

In this age of marvelous and hi-tech sex toys, we can do so many things we were unable to do without them, no matter what gender we are. One of these things is pegging.  Pegging is just a heterosexual couple playing with sex toys! And believe you me, a strap-on is one fun toy to play with.

Take a look around the website and see what the men say about it, how insanely pleasurable it is.

Read why I like pegging.

Read what another woman says.

And ignore the little voice!

 

I hear from the women all too rarely. I think it is important to hear our point of view in order to understand what motivates us to lovingly fuck your delicious asses. Men often ask – why would a woman want to use a strap-on? What does she get out of it? There are many answers to that question, but sometimes it’s helpful to hear a personal story. The rest of you women out there…we would love to hear your stories, too…

Ruby,

Six months ago my fiancée, then boyfriend of two and a half years, told me he had tried anal play during masturbation and was interested in exploring this together. At first I was mildly upset/offended. Hadn’t I been a good enough lover? Was he bi-because he certainly isn’t gay. Most importantly we had been fucking for two years and he never mentioned it, although he had mentioned an interest in giving anal pleasure. I began to feel ill-equipped to please him, compared to a toned man with a raging hard cock.

Since then he has shared all of his sexual experiences with me, and I have learned that no, my future husband is not gay. Rather he is a heterosexual male who really enjoys having his ass fucked by a woman, and a prostate massage in tandem with being blown.

The best part is…I LOVE it. Seeing my glistening purple Share dildo right before I penetrate him gets me so hot, and I love hearing him moan as he gives me his ass and totally submits all thought.

There is something so erotic about being fucked and submitting as I am being penetrated. To simply feel, and not think. I am so happy to bring that same pleasure I experience to the best lover I have ever known and get to spend a lifetime in the sack with. Since we have started pegging, it has become a normal aspect to our sex life.

I am still coming to terms with accepting that I like to fuck and make sweet love to his ass, but I am coming to accept it. I enjoy taking his ass, and desire to be inside him almost as much as I long for his tongue on my clit when he is at work.

I love anal sex, and what is has done for my sex life.

-Happy Fiancée-

pariscowboy92

Reassurance for the Men

Gentlemen! Are you a little concerned that you enjoy ass play? Here’s my message for you. It’s all going to be okay, really. Just click the words above and have a listen…

This comment was left on the article “Do Women Love Pegging?” This woman’s experience is not unique. I thought it needed front page exposure.

Ruby, I can’t say I enjoy this site but I am glad you give real advice, nowhere else to turn. My bf and I are having some problems with pegging. I agreed to do it once and hated it completely. I thought once I gave in and at least tried (like I’ve noticed you tell so many women to do) he would at least respect me for trying. Wrong. He talks about it constantly, even more than bjs or vaginal. I wasn’t really turned off by the anal stimulation itself, but the fact that he loved sucking on a dildo really bothered me, that’s taking it a lot further than just stimulation, that’s wanting to suck d*** which is very gay-curious.

So please Ruby as much as you want to tell women this lifestyle is healthy and normal they need to understand that once you open Pandora’s box, you can’t close it and you might not like what you find out. Finding out your bf enjoys sucking and taking something that for all purposes is a penis can be a huge turnoff, especially if it interests him more than a vagina.

Thank you very much for leaving a comment here. I’m sorry to hear that your first time of pegging did not go as well as you both hoped it would, and seemed to be very upsetting for you. Perhaps I can help.

My response is going to be pretty long, and I am going to post this on my blog as well as talk about it on my next podcast, because it’s so important for my listeners to hear. There are definitely other women out there who have had experiences just like you did; you’re not the only one.

I hope you find this information useful. Please understand that pegging isn’t for everyone, and it might not be for you. I’m not trying to talk you into it. Just trying to show you the other side of the picture a little, to hopefully help you understand his point of view.

I wasn’t really turned off by the anal stimulation itself, but the fact that he loved sucking on a dildo really bothered me, that’s taking it a lot further than just stimulation, that’s wanting to suck d*** which is very gay-curious.

So, let’s talk about your assumption that your boyfriend is “gay-curious” because he enjoyed sucking the dildo. First of all – if he is anything other than heterosexual (straight), it’s going to be bisexual – because if he’s fucking you, he is not gay. Gay is if he enjoys men only. Now…Imagine two lesbians who do strap-on sex. If one of them enjoys sucking on the dildo, does that mean she really wants a man? Of course not. I don’t know if your boyfriend is bi-curious. I assume you two have talked about it in the context of your concerns about trying pegging. If he said he’s not, I’d believe him. If you didn’t talk about it, you need to do that and to express your concerns. Pegging is an act, not an orientation. Sure, the equipment you are using resembles a penis, but go back to that lesbian example – it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants a real penis. Ask him.

Sucking the dildo could be something he did because he thought you would like it, in the context of the role reversal experienced in pegging. Let me explain. I have heard more than one man tell this exact story – that when first faced with his girlfriend/wife wearing a strap-on, it is so exciting, because usually he’s been fantasizing about it for a long time, that he doesn’t know what to do. So his first thought is, well if that was me standing there, what would I want? I’d want to have her suck on my dick! So he proceeds to do that and freaks out his partner. She thinks – what the hell? I can’t feel it and is he just pretending I am a man? ‘Cause this feels really screwed up! I get it. I’m not a fan of my partner sucking on the dildo so much. To me it seems pointless, because I can’t feel it and it does nothing for me. But if it does something for him, then it’s more fun for me.

Consider this – many of us have fantasies that are always going to remain fantasies because it’s not something we really want in real life. It could be that it turns him on to think about it but he would never in a million years want to actually do it with a guy.

Also, consider this. If he wanted to be with a man, it would be SO much easier to go have sex with a man than go to the trouble to convince you to try pegging, right? He wants to do this with you.

I agreed to do it once and hated it completely. I thought once I gave in and at least tried (like I’ve noticed you tell so many women to do) he would at least respect me for trying.

Your phrasing is painful to read. You “gave in and at least tried” but seem to have already been anticipating never doing it again and expecting him to respect you for trying and to then leave you alone about it. That’s no way to explore new sexual territory with your partner. It’s a guaranteed failure. If you are at least neutral about trying something, that can work, but it doesn’t sound like you were. And whether that was because you had fears about him being bisexual or that pegging him would fan the flames if he was, I have no way of knowing.

He talks about it constantly, even more than bjs or vaginal.

Imagine if you suddenly discovered that you could have an orgasm 10 times more powerful than anything you had ever experienced. That’s what an orgasm is like with a combination of prostate and penile stimulation. So if you discovered that intense level of pleasure, wouldn’t you want to do that…a lot? Or imagine that you discovered that if your boyfriend stimulated your G-Spot with his fingers or a toy that it could give you a total blow-your-mind, full-body orgasm. Wouldn’t you be eager to do it a LOT? And he might be sitting there going….what about my dick? What about regular intercourse?

So…when men first experience pegging, their enthusiasm for it can be an issue for some couples. And it’s not just about the level of pleasure, it’s also about experiencing sex in a completely different way that allows them to be vulnerable and to open up and receive. It does kind of blow their mind.

My advice for couples who have this issue is to schedule regular pegging, and I am not even kidding. Otherwise, every time they head to the bedroom, he’s hoping she will peg him and she’s pissed off because it feels like that’s all he ever wants. If you schedule it, he can relax and know he’ll be getting it regularly, and you can relax and not feel pressured every time you have sex. Plus, pegging requires some preparation for him, so scheduling helps that, too. Tell him that his continued interest in rocking your world sexually in all the ways he usually does is the price of admission to regular pegging land.

So please Ruby as much as you want to tell women this lifestyle is healthy and normal they need to understand that once you open Pandora’s box, you can’t close it and you might not like what you find out. Finding out your bf enjoys sucking and taking something that for all purposes is a penis can be a huge turnoff, especially if it interests him more than a vagina.

It sounds here like you are saying you now have proof positive that your boyfriend is bi-curious, because of one session of pegging where he enjoyed sucking the dildo and getting fucked by it. The dildo was attached to your body, right? Which I assume has breasts and a vagina? Unless you have talked with him about the bi-curious thing and he has said, “Yes, I am bi-curious”, you are making incorrect assumptions about your boyfriend’s orientation (remember the lesbians!). Pegging doesn’t magically turn a man bisexual and he suddenly starts craving hairy, muscular bodies. Not the way it works. If he was bi-curious to begin with, it might arouse his curiosity a little more, but straight men don’t turn bisexual because of pegging.

…Interests him more than a vagina…

I imagine that feels quite painful, and you need to tell him how it feels to you. In fact – take some time and calmly talk all this through, that would be my advice. Tell him you feel like he’s obsessed with pegging now, that that’s all he wants to talk about and he isn’t interested in your vagina anymore.  Tell him that sucking the dildo really turned you off and freaked you out and tell him why. And then talk with him about his orientation – don’t accuse him of being gay because he sucked a penis-shaped object and had it up his ass. Lesbians fuck each other’s vaginas with penis-shaped objects, too – are they straight? Talk with him about it calmly and ask him if there is any part of him that is bi-curious. That’s the only way you are going to get open communication is to…communicate openly. Otherwise, you can assume anything you want and agonize over it as much as you want, too. And it could all be for nothing.

If he is bi-curious, then you need to figure out what that means for your relationship and go forward from there. But at least you won’t be sitting there accusing him of being bisexual because of something that happened with a sex toy when you two were in bed!

Good luck to you both. And if you feel so inclined – we’d all love to hear what happens.

Ruby Ryder

01. July 2013 · 28 comments · Categories: Blog · Tags:

Okay, everyone listening?

Two common misconceptions about pegging:

  • If a man likes pegging, he must be gay.
  • If you peg a straight man, he will become gay.

Cue Laughter and Eye Roll – Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with…or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this – please excuse the laughter…though I do find the concept quite humorous.

Think of it this way…If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.)

A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady’s finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner’s finger(s) or his partner’s cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something….just like the 150 – 200 million gay men in the world. But wait – I’m probably confusing you…

Unexplored Ecstasy – The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it’s just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from…and oh my the word abstinence  in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with…well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner’s reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out.

All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know…easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey – we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people’s narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not.

No Fear – So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can’t let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really…are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him…don’t kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential.

Pleasure Seeking – Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that’s your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that’s always fun). Given just that, why wouldn’t you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no “Insta-gay” phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you!

Pegger/Peggee – Wouldn’t it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, “Pegger” or “Peggee”? I mean – relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn’t have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, “Look it up on Wikipedia”. Just make sure it’s a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever…in a rather explosive way.

Courage in Advertising? In the spirit of spontaneity and with a plucky sense of sexual idealism…I have created those very shirts for you. Maybe you want the world to know one of your sexual proclivities (if you are on this website, I will bet you have more than just one…lol). Or perhaps you are one half of the pegging equation and are craving your other half for fun and games. I also created coffee mugs to make people at the office wonder what you are up to. Or perhaps you will share a lazy morning cup of Joe with your sweetie after a totally hot night of pegging…the word on the cups extending the sweet afterglow a little longer. Enjoy, dear readers!

Wishing you provocative and passionate pegging.

Ruby Ryder