This piece is included in the Kinky Sex Tips Blogfest 2017 !!

Click here to see the links to all the other kinky bloggers who have participated, there is sure to be some great writing, great sex tips and all around sexiness.

Also – don’t miss this part, there are PRIZES. Yes, I said PRIZES. Click the link!

#KinkySexTips

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Women (or Givers) – are you new to pegging? This article is for you!

Definition: Pegging is when a woman straps on a dildo and penetrates a man’s ass (like in Broad City and Deadpool).

Why are so many people talking about it? Why would anyone want to do it? What’s the big deal?

Let’s start with corrections of misconceptions about this amazing sexual experience, because there are many. You might be surprised to discover the truth behind some of the fears and assumptions.

Pegging Fears and Misconceptions

  • If a man enjoys anal stimulation, he must be gay.

First, think about it…A sexual act that involves a man and a woman is by definition not gay. Now let’s personalize it. If your partner has been happily fucking you and giving you oral sex for years, he is certainly not gay. (Gay men don’t eat pussy.)

Here is another way to look at it. The area of your body that you enjoy having stimulated has absolutely no bearing on the gender you prefer to do the stimulating. Read that twice if you need to.

There is an unfortunate assumption that men who enjoy anal stimulation or penetration must, by default, want sex with their own gender. Studies say only about 40% of gay men even have anal sex. And while there are indeed some men who are bisexual and enjoy sex with men as well as woman, there are also many, many men who are totally straight and love receiving ass play.

  • If you fuck a man with a strap-on, it will turn him gay.

Many women have a fear that if they peg their man, he will leave them and run off in search of real cock. Here’s the deal: There is no magic switch inside a man’s ass, that when tripped by a strap-on, all of a sudden causes him to crave hairy muscular bodies. If he is bi-curious, he might be a little more curious after you peg him, but straight men don’t change their gender preference simply because of anal penetration.

If this were true, then a lesbian woman who fucks her lover with a strap-on would turn her straight, right? Ridiculous. See how the logic breaks down?

The more likely result of fucking your man with a strap-on, is that you will send him to the moon with pleasure, and deepen the intimacy that you share with him.

  • Pegging is painful.

Anal penetration never has to involve pain. If it hurts, you are doing something wrong, like going too fast, or using too big of a toy, or not using enough lube (the most common mistakes).

Not only is pegging not painful, it has the capacity to bring amazing amounts of pleasure to your partner! His prostate is much like your G-spot. Combined prostate and penile stimulation often result in an orgasm that men describe as ten times more powerful than a regular orgasm!

  • Pegging is…messy.

There is no getting around the reality that pegging takes place in the same area of the body that handles waste elimination, to put it delicately. To depart from delicacy, every once in a while shit happens. If the thought of a small mess freaks you out, pegging may not be for you.  If the thought of that small mess doesn’t freak you out, rest assured there are tried and true methods of cleaning out before pegging that usually completely eliminate messes. The occasional messes that do occur are typically very minimal.

  • Pegging is just not ‘natural’.

I encourage you to let go of your ideas regarding what is ‘natural’, and instead think about what interests you and your partner. Are you interested in giving and receiving more sexual pleasure? Then pegging would be a great thing to try.

For some people, all sex toys are not natural. For others, they would never bring whipped cream and chocolate sauce into the bedroom to add to their sexual experience. Some couples have ventured into the 50 Shades territory while others would never consider it even close to ‘natural’.

You and your partner are adults, and the cool thing about being an adult is that no matter what others might think, what you decide to consensually do in the privacy of your own bedroom is no one’s business but yours. If you try pegging and love it, you will be so glad you tried it! If you try pegging and decide you don’t like it, at least you tried it and now know it is not for you.

I’m thinking that since you are here at the Blogfest, you are curious about different sexual activities that can bring you more pleasure. (If someone told me there was a way I could have orgasms 10 times more powerful than any orgasm I have ever had, I would find it difficult to pass that up.)

  • Pegging means I have to tie him up, dress him like a woman and beat him.

If you have watched pegging porn, I can see how you would assume this. While it is true that some couples who enjoy pegging also enjoy one or more of these activities, they are by no means a requirement for the experience. Pegging can simply be one more way to make sweet, intimate love with your partner.

  • If I strap on a fake cock it will destroy my femininity.

There is no rule that says when you strap on a fake cock, you are no longer feminine. It’s just a sex toy! You can be as feminine or not feminine as you like while pegging.

Some women might be happy to know that there are ultra-feminine harnesses available, some of which have sexy garters attached. There are buttery soft leather harnesses in colors of Prince Purple and Nicki Minaj Pink. There are non-realistic dildos that don’t resemble a penis in the least!

There is nothing in pegging that says you must do it a certain way. You (and your partner) get to choose what feels right to you.

 

With the fears calmed and the misconceptions corrected, now let’s look at why couples decide they want to explore pegging…

Pegging Facts

  • Pegging is pleasurable for men.

Why would men want to experience this? Because it gives them a lot of pleasure! Men have a prostate gland, which is responsible for manufacturing fluid that helps carry the sperm out of the body. Stimulation of the prostate gland is indeed quite pleasurable for most men. The prostate gland is most easily accessed through the anus.

  • Prostate massage is healthy for the prostate.

Besides the pleasure aspect, pegging can be good for the prostate. Stimulation of the prostate gland, from anal play or pegging, helps keep the prostate healthy. Regular prostate massage can help avoid swollen prostate. It can also help relieve and sometimes eliminate the symptoms of swollen prostate (BPH).

  • Men can orgasm from pegging.

We are not talking about just a little bit of pleasure, here. Again, most men who have experienced an orgasm resulting from a combination of prostate and penile stimulation describe it as roughly 10 times more powerful than a normal orgasm.

In addition, some men can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, with no penile stimulation. As if that weren’t enough, prostate stimulation can offer some men multiple orgasms, which, in heterosexual couples has typically been something only women enjoy. Has your partner ever been jealous of your multiple orgasms? Try pegging and perhaps he can enjoy them, too!

  • Pegging is pleasurable for women.

Women enjoy pegging for a variety of reasons. The taboo aspect can be very hot. Some enjoy the experience of switching roles and running the show; they relish the power and control. Some enjoy giving their partner remarkable levels of pleasure, making them squirm and moan. And that’s not all…

  • Women can orgasm from pegging.

Harnesses and dildos offer a wide variety of clitoral stimulation and G-spot stimulation to help women attain orgasm while fucking their partner. Some women orgasm easily from pegging because the very idea of it excites them so much.

  • Pegging allows you to experience sex from the opposite side of the bed.

Think about it – do you really know what your partner experiences when you have sex? You will when you try pegging! And so will your partner.

You can discover how fucking a partner requires strength, endurance, grace, balance and multi-tasking. Your partner can experience how important foreplay is, how every night is perhaps not a penetration night and the vulnerability required when allowing penetration.

One of the most amazing things about pegging (besides all the pleasure) is that you both gain more understanding and compassion for each other’s usual role in sex, which deepens the intimacy that you share.

  • Pegging offers one more thing for your sexual treasure chest of choices.

Pegging involves role reversal, heightened intimacy, and the thrill of breaking taboos. Pegging can be the totally hot go-to that you enjoy on rare occasions, or the meat and potatoes of your sex life! It’s up to you.

 

©Ruby Ryder 2017

Pegging101.com, your source for pegging information without the kink.

Gentlemen

First of all…

You are not alone.

Certainly not alone in the sense of enjoying anal stimulation, and not alone in the sense of scared to tell your significant other. It can be a super scary thing, for a lot of reasons.

Telling your partner requires 3 things.

  • Communication
  • Information
  • Patience/Persistence

Communication:
Do you two talk in bed?? Do you talk about sex? Do you tell each other what turns you on and how things feel and what you fantasize about? If you don’t, start right now. If you are not used to it, at first it will be hard to open your mouth and get the words out. Communicating about sex opens doors and brings you much closer together, beside adding a bit of titillation factor to both of your sex lives!
Information:
Does your wife know that prostate massage has been proven to help with a healthy prostate?
Here’s the study
Does she know that the prostate is capable of giving intense levels of pleasure, just like her G-Spot?
Does she know that pegging doesn’t have to be like pegging porn?
Does she know that you enjoying anal stimulation says nothing about your sexual orientation?
I created a podcast just for the women, to address all of their fears and concerns. I recommend you listen to it first, because only you can decide whether it’s right for your partner. Many men have had great success with it!

Patience/Persistence
When you tell her about it, don’t present it all self-conscious like you have leukemia. Tell her you discovered something way cool – that you have another erogenous zone and you want nothing more to explore it with her. Be excited! Give her the information and then be patient for a few days. Ask again, no resentment, no impatience, just eagerness and curiosity whether she looked at the information or listened to the podcast. Be patient, but persistent. And above all, calm.

Of course you have fears! Among them…

  • She will think you are gay
  • She will think pegging will turn you gay
  • She won’t respect you in the morning
  • She will tell her/your friends

The podcast will help a lot with all of these.

Because here’s the thing…
Do you want to live the rest of your life never asking her? If she is down to try it, you could be enjoying pegging right now. And if she isn’t, then you at least asked. So many men wish they had not waited so long to ask their partners. Pegging is a very intimate act, so wouldn’t it be awesome to be doing it with the person you are the closest to in the whole world?

Now, if your partner is sexually inhibited, sexually conservative, sexually close-minded, and you only do it missionary position, no oral or anal, then perhaps it would not be a good idea to blow her out of the water with pegging. Only you can decide!

Good luck!
Ruby

Joyous Pegging

Just about every day, as the awareness of and interest in pegging sweeps around the world, I receive a question from someone full of concerns, questions, fears and most of all, misconceptions. The same themes present over and over again. While these themes can each be explored in depth, here are the short answers….

For Her…

No, he’s NOT GAY

♥ No, he does not want a man to replace you
♥ No, he does not secretly want a cock
♥ No, pegging him will not magically turn him gay
♥ He just wants you to fuck him in the ass
♥ Honest

((If he is bisexual, disregard this one)

No, it doesn’t hurt.

♥ Yes it feels good
♥ As long as you do it right
♥ Really good
♥ Honest

No, you will not look ridiculous wearing a strap-on

♥ He will think you look hot, I guarantee
♥ Are you kidding? He’s been fantasizing about this…
♥ So hot he might come just looking at you
♥ Honest

No, pegging is not like the pegging in porn

♥ No it is not humiliating
♥ No it is not degrading
♥ No he does not have to dress like a woman
♥ No you don’t have to yell at him and hit him
♥ He just wants you to fuck him in the ass
♥ Honest

(Disclaimer – if you are into any of these kinks, disregard this one)

For Him

No, you are NOT GAY

♥ No, wanting to be pegged does not make you gay
♥ No, being pegged will not magically turn you gay
♥ Yes, you still love breasts and pussies
♥ Which means you are not gay
♥ Even though you want her to fuck you in the ass
♥ It’s all okay
♥ Honest

(If you are bisexual – disregard this one)

No, it doesn’t hurt

♥ Yes. it feels good
♥ As long as she does it right
♥ Really good
♥ Honest

No, it will not compromise your masculinity

♥ Yes, she will respect you in the morning
♥ Yes, you can continue being a man’s man
♥ It’s all okay
♥ Honest

No, pegging is not like the pegging in porn

♥ No humiliation
♥ No degradation
♥ No feminization
♥ No verbal and physical abuse
♥ She really can just fuck you in the ass
♥ Without all that stuff
♥ Honest

(Disclaimer – if you are into any of these kinks, disregard this one)

So if those are all the things pegging is not, then what is pegging?

Yes, pegging is hot, hot sex

♥ Surprising Intensity
♥ Amazing Discovery
♥ Deeper Intimacy
♥ Fascinating Role Reversal
♥ Another Way to Make Love!

This message of reassurance has been brought to you by PeggingParadise.com and Pegging101.com

A podcast for the women which explores more of this in depth, as well as touching on relationship issues is available here.

 

newryder7

Podcast: For the Ladies

I have been recording podcasts for some time, but this last one might be of particular interest to you.

For a while now I’ve been working on a book, a short and read-in-one-sitting book, in my voice, that was specifically intended for men to give to their partners to introduce them to the concept of pegging. I’d pretty much finished it, but I changed my mind.

I made it a free podcast instead. I decided that I wanted it to be available to anyone that wanted/needed it instead of being something they had to pay for on Amazon (my original plan). Because, basically my goal is to facilitate as many couples understanding and enjoying pegging as possible. Especially the women!

And I think this might help.

Men could introduce the basic concept to their partners and then direct them to the podcast and say “listen to this”.

I address the common misconceptions and fears, hold space for those who decide it’s just not their thing as well as those who decide to embrace it, and through it all, emphasize over and over again that it took a ton of courage for you guys to approach them, and it is truly a gift of intimacy. Because you are allowing them to know a deeper part of you, no matter how they decide to respond. I encourage communication over and over, because good communication about sex is indeed the sexiest thing out there!

For those who are interested – could you give it a listen and let me know what you think? Feedback? Did I miss anything important? Criticisms?

Podcast is 50 minutes in length and you can stream it directly from my other website. Click the link under the photo above.

 

 

So, dear readers, it’s that time again. Periodically, I write a post about how pegging is not gay.

Why? Because the assumption is so very prevalent that monthly reminders are necessary for all the newcomers to my blog.

A reminder is also necessary for those of you who are considering trying it out but you have concerns. You guys lurking and reading and trying to decide if you really want to do this wild thing called “pegging” or not? Yeah. This post is for you. Here’s my message for you today:

 

Don’t listen to the little voice.

You know, the one that says…

 

He must be gay if he likes ass play.

If I peg him, he’ll leave me and go get a real cock.

If I like ass play I must be gay.

If she pegs me it’s will be like a gateway drug and I’ll want men!


That little voice is not your friend. That little voice is lying to you, misleading you and scaring you. Conclusion: that little voice is not nice. Ignore it.

 

The only thing that determines your sexual orientation is which gender you are attracted to – not what they do to you!

 

♥ If you are sexually attracted only to the opposite gender, you are heterosexual.
♥ If you are attracted only to the same gender, you are gay.
♥ If you are sexually attracted to both genders, you are bisexual.

 

In this age of marvelous and hi-tech sex toys, we can do so many things we were unable to do without them, no matter what gender we are. One of these things is pegging.  Pegging is just a heterosexual couple playing with sex toys! And believe you me, a strap-on is one fun toy to play with.

Take a look around the website and see what the men say about it, how insanely pleasurable it is.

Read why I like pegging.

Read what another woman says.

And ignore the little voice!

 

I hear from the women all too rarely. I think it is important to hear our point of view in order to understand what motivates us to lovingly fuck your delicious asses. Men often ask – why would a woman want to use a strap-on? What does she get out of it? There are many answers to that question, but sometimes it’s helpful to hear a personal story. The rest of you women out there…we would love to hear your stories, too…

Ruby,

Six months ago my fiancée, then boyfriend of two and a half years, told me he had tried anal play during masturbation and was interested in exploring this together. At first I was mildly upset/offended. Hadn’t I been a good enough lover? Was he bi-because he certainly isn’t gay. Most importantly we had been fucking for two years and he never mentioned it, although he had mentioned an interest in giving anal pleasure. I began to feel ill-equipped to please him, compared to a toned man with a raging hard cock.

Since then he has shared all of his sexual experiences with me, and I have learned that no, my future husband is not gay. Rather he is a heterosexual male who really enjoys having his ass fucked by a woman, and a prostate massage in tandem with being blown.

The best part is…I LOVE it. Seeing my glistening purple Share dildo right before I penetrate him gets me so hot, and I love hearing him moan as he gives me his ass and totally submits all thought.

There is something so erotic about being fucked and submitting as I am being penetrated. To simply feel, and not think. I am so happy to bring that same pleasure I experience to the best lover I have ever known and get to spend a lifetime in the sack with. Since we have started pegging, it has become a normal aspect to our sex life.

I am still coming to terms with accepting that I like to fuck and make sweet love to his ass, but I am coming to accept it. I enjoy taking his ass, and desire to be inside him almost as much as I long for his tongue on my clit when he is at work.

I love anal sex, and what is has done for my sex life.

-Happy Fiancée-

pariscowboy92

Reassurance for the Men

Gentlemen! Are you a little concerned that you enjoy ass play? Here’s my message for you. It’s all going to be okay, really. Just click the words above and have a listen…

If you are a man who wants to approach your woman about pegging this article is for you.

(If you are a woman who wants to approach your man about pegging, click here.)

 

http://isissandosiriss.tumblr.com/image/28677070563

http://isissandosiriss.tumblr.com/image/28677070563

Podcast #112 – For the Ladies

Update: I recorded the above podcast specifically for the circumstances where you have just introduced your partner to the concept of pegging. The podcast is in my voice, talking to her. I offer accurate information, dispel myths and misconceptions, and emphasize the health of the relationship above all. I don’t try to persuade, I inform, and verbally hold space for those who decide it’s not their thing. Please listen to it first before sharing it with your partner, because only you can decide whether it’s appropriate for her!

I Don’t Want Her to Think I’m a Freak

For you gentlemen who have an established relationship and you want more than anything to convince your partner to peg you…what is the best way to do this? How can you approach your lady…and let her know that pegging is what you fantasize about, dream about…that you’d like nothing more than to have her slide a smooth silicone cock slowly up your ass? And how can you get this idea across without her thinking…you are a freak/gay/twisted/weird? I will do my very best to try and help you here…but please realize there are many contributing factors. While some of you may be able to just casually mention your interest and quickly find yourselves shopping for the right dildo, others will find that despite their best efforts, their partner won’t consider pegging…at all, period, end of discussion, case closed. But let us remain hopeful…


Communication and GGG

First, communication is the key. You need to be able to ask for what you want. If you can’t open your mouth and talk with your partner about sex, she is not going to magically intuit that you want to get fucked up the ass with a dildo. If you demand instead of ask…that’s not likely to meet with any success, either. Take a good long look at your relationship first. Do your very best to practice Dan Savage‘s GGG – Good, Giving and Game. “Think ‘good in bed,’ ‘giving equal time and equal pleasure,’ and ‘game for anything—within reason.'” If you just want to find one more way to please yourself and you don’t really give a flying fuck about her pleasure, don’t bother asking for anything until you get your act together…seriously. We are not just talking about your lady’s willingness to peg you…we are also talking about the state of your relationship with her…Think about it. Make sure you take into consideration her state of mind and whether she is stressed out with time demands, work, children, etc. Do your best to alleviate her stress and make sure you contribute equally to the relationship.

If you are indeed GGG and think you have a partner who is so open to new things while remaining unaffected by misconceptions and stereotypes that you can just tell her straight away that you would like to try pegging, by all means go for it. Some men actually have success this way! But be forewarned that you may also put her off the idea for good. Big risk. If you even get a hint that any part of her will be reticent about the idea for whatever reason she may have, I’d advise using a different, more gradual approach. Keep reading.

 

Important – Do Not Ask For Strap-on Play Right Off!

Patience is the key here. Many women when asked for strap-on play right off the bat have refused because they have no idea what pleasure the prostate can bring. Also, they have nothing to counter the usual misconceptions connected with pegging. If those same men would have asked just for fingers to start with it’s likely that some of the women who refused would have indulged their men in an attempt to bring him pleasure and then discovered just how amazing it could be for their man. So remember, have patience and ask for fingers first. Bide your time.

Next, let’s divide your women into two general categories: those who accept anal stimulation themselves and those who don’t.

 

She’s Into Anal

If your lady has already shown a willingness to engage in anal play, you have a foot in the door. If she is willing to let you put a finger or toy or your cock in her ass, there is a much better chance she will consent to exploring yours. Tell her you can see she is enjoying it and you want to see what it feels like. Or…you read an article about prostate orgasms and want to experiment. Or you heard from a friend/read on the internet that men can have insanely powerful orgasms with a lot of come and you’d like to try it out just to see what happens!

 

She’s Not Into Anal

This is a more difficult category, guys. Maybe you have a woman who has always refused anything anal; you touch her anus and she flinches or pulls away. There can be a lot of reasons for this. Perhaps she was told as a child her anus is dirty and should never be touched. Perhaps she thinks that only sluts have anal sex. Perhaps she is a bit of a germaphobe. Maybe she’s just totally grossed out by anything to do with excrement. Or maybe it’s just as simple as she has not yet been able to open up and own her sexuality without being concerned about what other people think. Sometimes that comes with age. Any or all of these could be true. Or…it could also be true that no one has ever played with her ass before (including you) and she just doesn’t know how pleasurable it can be.

Be aware that there are women out there that just don’t like receiving any kind of anal – yet that does not preclude their interest in fucking you! So even if your partner is not into anal at all – she could still be an enthusiastic pegger. Receiving anal herself is not a requirement. So if your partner gladly slips a finger up your ass during a blow job but steadfastly refuses to let anything near her ass, this is still good news. Just skip down to Offer Another Trade.

 

For the woman who is not into anal, consider the following approaches and ideas:

Explore Her Ass First

Two ways to do this…only you know your partner well enough to know which one might work best.

1) Get her incredibly horny (oral, kissing, nipple play, etc.) and ask if you can please, please, please play with her ass. Put your pride aside and fucking beg, if that’s what it takes. Promise her that you will only use your lips, tongue (if you are into rimming) and one finger or a small toy; your cock is not going to come anywhere near her ass. Because that is the fear of many women – the ignorant and savage thrust of a cock up an ass as if it were a pussy has put many women off anal sex….forever. So you need to go at this ultra-slow. And no matter how tempting it is for you to slide your cock into her ass…don’t do it unless she asks for it! And even if she asks for it, continue to tease and play and open her up for a while until she’s begging for it and you can easily put 2 – 3 fingers inside her. If she doesn’t ask for it…do some ass play as foreplay and then fuck her vaginally. Afterward, wax poetic about how totally hot that was to play with her ass and you absolutely loved it. The idea here is to get her used to ass play in general before asking her to peg you…and to wake her ass up to the pleasure potential there. Important: while you are playing with her ass keep the communication lines open and keep asking her if she likes what you are doing as you try different things.

2) Discuss your desire to play with her ass when you are not in bed, when you are having some close together time. Ask her if she would be willing to let you play with her there…that you promise it won’t hurt and just the thought of it really gets you excited (and you swear you will absolutely not put your cock up her ass). Reassure her, if it seems necessary, that you will love and respect her no matter what you two do in bed, and you will attend to cleanliness issues in whatever way helps her to feel comfortable. If you are not into rimming or the thought of it grosses her out, fingers and small toys are fine…even a small toy that vibrates! If she agrees, proceed as described above. If she becomes receptive to anal play, consider anal beads and experiment with pulling the beads out at the moment of orgasm trick. Find out what she likes best – ask questions!

 

Offer a Trade

If she is reticent – offer a trade. Tell her that if she will let you play with her ass one night, you will do whatever she wants the next night. And be ready to fulfill any reasonable request of hers. This is all about mutual pleasure. If you can get her to enjoy anal play…it is much easier to introduce the concept of her exploring your ass. (If she refuses – see below “Show her How Good it Feels For You”.)

Once you have played with her ass several times very successfully (not necessarily even fucked it) you can try talking with her about how you would really like to know how ass play feels. You can see how much she is enjoying it, and you read/heard that orgasms for men can be insanely powerful with anal play. Don’t mention the strap-on yet. If she goes for it – excellent! If she is still reticent…

 

Offer Another Trade

Tell her you will trade her one night of pleasing her in whatever way she likes best (it’s all about her) for a night where she indulges you in some ass play (it’s all about you). Suggest that if there is something she’s wanted to try but hasn’t asked for yet, this would be a fine time to put it on the table, as you are very interested in pleasing her sexually in the way she wants to be pleased. And you’d like to explore your interests as well. Just be ready to put on the lace panties or paint her nails or whatever it is she wants. As long as it is not a hard limit – it would behoove you to indulge her…just as you are asking her to indulge you.

 

Resistant? Start Off Slow

Do not go straight to asking her to fuck you in the ass with a dildo! Too much, too fast. Tell her again that you have discovered/read/heard that ass play feels really good for men and you want to explore it with her. Have her try fingers first (gloves if she wants them), giving her nothing but positive feedback if she’s game. Pick out a plug together and ask her to put it in you to wear while you are fucking her or when she is giving you a blow job or hand job. (Invite her to wear it while you are fucking her, too!) Exclaim how amazing your orgasms are with the plug in and suggest you try other toys. Maybe at that point talk with her about strap-ons. Tell her, while looking into her eyes with the best smoking-hot look you can muster, that just the thought of her…wearing a strap-on and doing you…about sends you over the edge. Just the thought.


Choose Your Timing

Do not start a conversation like this when you are in the middle of having sex. Talk with your partner about this out of the bedroom. Otherwise she will feel pressured and believe me – you stand a really good chance of killing the mood…and killing your chances. Choose a time when she is relaxed, receptive and maybe even had a glass or two of wine. An incredibly important point here is that you need to be a partner who is responsive to her needs if you are asking her to be responsive to yours. Read that again and think about it…and if you are not that kind of partner, make those changes before you ask for pegging. Your woman needs to feel that you take very good care of her needs and desires in the bedroom. If she feels that way, she will be much more likely to give you what you are asking for.

 

Confidence

A friend of mine offered another very important point to keep in mind when you ask for what you want. Her words say it best.

“Women are like dogs in that we can smell fear….if, when you ask us to play with your ass, you are worried or nervous, we will sense it and think you’re asking for something weird. If you project confidence that you’re asking for something totally normal, we’re more likely to agree.” Strap-on Jo

 

You’re Gay?!…This Will Turn You Gay!!

Undoubtedly, some of you will encounter the “gay” reaction from your partner. So…

I am going to give you a few choices of what to say if she accuses you of being gay or worries that if she pegs you it will “turn” you gay.

  • “That’s silly, Honey. If fucking a guy in the ass with a dildo makes him gay…then fucking a lesbian with a strap-on will turn her straight!”

Okay, maybe you don’t talk this way…maybe you are at a fine restaurant and trying to have this conversation clandestinely. Here is a toned-down version:

  • “Don’t be silly, Darling. The area of my body that I enjoy having stimulated has no bearing whatsoever on the gender I prefer. I am completely, 100% straight, period. The only person I want playing with me…there…is you.”

Other options:

  • “Nope, I definitely prefer breasts with my strap-on. Would never let a guy near my ass. You got nothin’ to worry about, Babe.”
  • I am just interested in exploring whatever brings us pleasure, Honey…I haven’t switched camps!!”
  • Your pussy is the only thing I want to sink my cock into, and your strap-on is the only thing I am interested in having sunk into me.”

You can also show her or read to her “No, He’s Not Gay” where I go into this in more detail.

 

She’s Freaked Out by Wearing a Cock

I didn’t know this was an issue, because I never had any back off strapping on a dildo. Some women, however, have a real reaction to it. She may think it means she wants a cock and it freaks her out (tell her you know she doesn’t want a cock for real – this is just about using toys to play)…or it feels too much like role reversal and she is really not into that idea (tell her you have no interest in reversing roles…but you are interested in playing with toys)…or it’s just too awkward and she feels foolish (tell her trying something new often feels awkward and that’s okay – you will both figure it out). If your lady has played with your ass and is okay with that, leave the harness aside and let her use the dildo with her hand. Once she tries it she may warm up to the idea of strapping it on. She may not, but one can hope.

 

It’s Dirty

If she’s resistant because of the “dirty” idea, tell her you will prepare by giving yourself an enema and she can use gloves. You will do everything you can to be as clean as possible. This means not eating a lot of crap or drinking alcohol a few days before, too, because that will make your feces stink more than usual. Read “Keeping Things Clean” and take the advised steps to ensure a positive experience for both of you.

 

Do NOT Show Her the Porn

Whatever you do, do NOT show her your favorite porn clip of pegging! I say this because the vast majority of “professional” pegging porn includes aspects of humiliation, feminization and abuse. If you play that way – more power to you, but I suspect if you are here reading this article you have a partner that might be a little more vanilla. The very last thing you want is for her to see that porn showing a guy dressed up as a woman and being beaten while she taunts him and fucks him. Again – this is not a judgment about what turns you or your partner on. I am just saying be aware of what you are exposing her to and how she might react to it. Spend some time looking for a few hot amateur porn clips that are loving and gentle and the man is moaning in ecstasy. They are out there!

 

Show Her How Good it Feels For You

If she is completely unwilling to give or receive anal pleasure and you are not willing to live without it, go ahead and carefully lay your cards on the table that you are very interested in ass play yourself, even if she does not want her ass explored. Consider asking her if you can just put in a butt plug while you fuck her, just to see what it feels like. She won’t have to do anything; you put it in yourself (moan a little). When she sees/hears the intensity of your orgasm, she might be more curious and interested in checking out your ass. This works for women who are sincerely interested in giving their men pleasure. If she doesn’t give a hoot about your pleasure…I don’t have any magic words for you. Maybe call Dan Savage (sex advice columnist) to explore your options.

 

Warning! Read This Before You Act!

Men who would love to experience pegging have fears of expressing their desires, understandably. There are some men who never confess their fantasies much less try to turn them into reality because they are so afraid of or even certain of rejection. Indeed, with the taboo factor and society’s puerile judgment that if a man likes anything anal he must be gay, men’s fears are legitimate. I’m telling you this because you need to make sure your partner is trustworthy before you divulge your innermost sexual desires to them. Only you can make that judgment call. And I so wish I had a magic wand for you. On one hand I would love to see you guys let go of your fears and express your desires to your partner.

I have heard amazing stories of men who did just that and their women, after initial surprise, agreed to try it and ended up loving the feeling of fucking their husbands. I have heard stories of how it totally renewed the sexual spark in a relationship of many years. Yet I have also heard sad stories of women who called their husband gay and never fucked them again. Honestly, I just want to slap those women for being so sexually fucked up and for being so cruel to their husbands. So again…we come back to the point that your relationship needs to be solid, intimate, sexual, trusting, open and communicative. If divulging a yearning for pegging might destroy your relationship, you need to decide whether you can go the rest of your life not having your sexual needs met, whether you need to leave the relationship and find someone more sexually compatible or whether you can come to an agreement that you can get your needs met elsewhere. Tough questions.

 

A Request From Ruby

For those of you who have success with your ladies, do me a HUGE favor and ask her what it was exactly that convinced her to try it? Then write me an email and tell me! I want to know what persuades an initially reluctant woman to strap one on and learn to love fucking her man. And then I will do my very best to bring many more women around to the idea….because I know how much you all want it.

 

Gentlemen…I will keep your wanting and willing asses in my thoughts (that’s easy) and hope you all find yourselves enjoying a thorough pegging very soon.

 

Ruby Ryder

 

 

 

 


Pegging…this thing we love and indulge in with such passion and excitement…requires equipment. Indeed, much has been discussed here at Pegging Paradise about the necessary equipment; lube, harnesses and dildos. Let’s back up a step, though. Let’s talk about the step between “Approaching Her About Pegging”  and the act of pegging itself.

 

She needs to actually strap on a cock

This is not as easy for a woman as you may think. I am going to address this article to you men who want more than anything for your woman to fuck you with a strap-on. Let’s say you have already broached the subject – she’s interested and is considering it….

  • Assuming she understands that the male prostate can provide intense pleasure and she really wants to give her partner pleasure
  • Assuming that she has gotten past the misconception or fear that her partner is gay
  • Assuming that she is open enough to not be freaked out by sex toys in general

Even assuming all the above, actually strapping on a cock may be a huge step for a woman. If you sense some reticence, consider the following…

She is being asked to do something that messes with strict social gender roles. Though one can say it’s just a toy and it doesn’t mean anything other than that you like to use toys…that’s not the reality of it in that moment when the buckles are fastened and she has…a cock. Having a cock, penetrating and thrusting are quite male-associated things. The whole idea that she could take on the active, penetrative role might take a while for her to adjust to.

Some women have fears that they will look ridiculous. Partly because they have never had a cock hanging between their legs and it looks quite strange from their perspective. What most women do not realize is that if their guy is interested in strap-on sex, actually seeing her put on a harness and dildo is so hot they can barely stand it! (And she thought she would look ridiculous…)

There are women who cannot reconcile wearing a cock with their femininity…they want to be feminine and see strapping on a cock as acting like a man. Though it is far from that cut and dried, there is no denying that the role of strapping on a cock and fucking her man requires a woman to be active instead of passive, giving as opposed to receiving, penetrating instead of penetrated.

Indeed, there are a fair amount of emotional factors that can interfere with…strapping on the cock.

So take it slow. Let her hold the dildo in her hand without the harness and fuck you with it first for a few times so she can see how intensely it turns your crank. The first time you use the harness…try to have it fairly well adjusted from a previous try-on so she can just step into it and you don’t have to struggle with getting it just right. Otherwise all the straps can be a lot to figure out. Once on – tell her how unbelievably beautiful and hot she looks…because you know she will.

 

Remember, she’s never used a cock before

Another concern women have when strapping one on for the first time is that they have no idea how to use it. They are completely unfamiliar with the body motions required to fuck their guy.The lovely hip roll and thrusting instinct that men have is a learned skill for a woman. At first it feels quite awkward and it is common to feel a little ridiculous. For the first time she does you…suggest that she lie on her back and you can ride her. That eliminates the skill factor on her end – and gives her a great view! Plus access to your cock, which in pegging play is always a good thing. (Do make sure you tell her that it is common and normal for men to lose their erections or for them to come and go and it still feels incredible.) Tell her this so she won’t worry whether you are having a good time or not. And keep telling her how good it feels while you are riding her. Make sure she has no doubt that you love it.

Above all…have fun! Don’t get too serious about it all. Laugh and play and talk and experiment together…that’s the stuff good sexual relationships are made of.

Ruby Ryder

I’d like to put all manufacturers of double-ended dildos on notice that you are failing in your product descriptions on your websites.

Specifically – here’s where you are blowing it…

Your products are designed for a woman to insert one end of the toy inside herself and use the other end of the toy in her partner. Awesome so far. But you seem to have forgotten one important fact.

Her partner can be either male or female.

Now, who knows what the gender percentages are; I don’t believe those studies have been done yet. But to direct your advertising towards only one segment of that group is…blowing it.

How, specifically, are you blowing it?

You are making the claim on your manufacturer’s websites that your product is designed to be used without a harness without differentiating between heterosexual or lesbian use.

It could be that you don’t read the forum boards or you don’t have any heterosexual customers testing your products. Perhaps you just are too attached to the “strapless” claim. Maybe your product was really designed for lesbian strap-on sex and you just don’t care that there are hetero couples out there that might add to your sales. Or maybe you just want the initial sale and since you don’t sell harnesses you don’t really care what happens after that. I would like to believe you care more about your customers than that. After all, we are talking profits here.

 

You see… there are a LOT of heterosexual couples who try to use your products without a harness, fail and then seek advice.

 

In my estimation approximately 95% of women who are engaging in heterosexual strap-on sex – also called “pegging” – must use a harness to keep your product inside them. Why? Because anal sphincter muscles are stronger than vaginal muscles, no matter how many Kegels a woman does. Very, very few women are able to use a double-ended dildo for pegging without a harness. And yet you advertise it that way.

So couples try it, get frustrated and discover they need a harness. Sometimes these couples even give up and pegging is taken off the table completely – most often by the women – who experience most of said frustration. Sometimes these women even end up feeling “less than” because they are told that if their muscles were strong enough they could keep the toy inside them.

By the time they purchase a harness and get it right (if they indeed push past the frustration), their enthusiasm for recommending your product has lessened considerably from when they first bought it. And they may even have a touch of resentment that the advertising of your product did not mention a harness is usually essential to successful use, which alienates customers from additional purchases.

What you want is success stories with your product. Success stories boosts sales.

 

Happy Valley Tango says, “works perfectly with a harness”.

Not bad. But it would be better to say a harness is recommended for pegging.

 

Tantus’ Feeldoe/Realdoe has “patented strapless strap-on” claims all over the website. The only mention of a harness is very hard to find and says, “If you just love your leathers, or haven’t done your Kegel’s don’t fret, an old fashioned 3 strap harness will fit it! Bike shorts work wonders, too, and fittingly so since it really is like learning to ride a bike.”

Cute, but implies that most women should be able to use it without a harness. And they even say that 80% of their sales are to heterosexual couples! You’d think they would give them more accurate information since that is the bulk of their sales.

 

Fun Factory Share says, “without a harness”, “suitable for harnesses”, and “…slight ridge for improved hold…” depending on whether you are looking at the Share XL, the Share or the Share XS (in that order).

Confusing and inaccurate.

 

The less well-known doubles don’t do any better…

Eternal Swan (not in USA) says, “created to be worn without a harness”.

Ummm…for whom? Not for heterosexuals.

Fetish Fantasy Elite 8″ Strapless Strap-On says, “hands-free penetration without a harness or strap” and claims, “It’s great to use on both sexes”.

Misleading and inaccurate.

 

I remain puzzled by the lack of factual information for heterosexual couples exploring strap-on equipment. The couples are often new at this, so they need good information. They are also the majority of your sales – so it would behoove you to pay attention and give them what they need to make a good purchasing decision.

Thankfully, some retailers are putting more information on their websites through reviews as well as product descriptions. Hopefully the manufacturers will realize the importance of informing their customers with facts and recognizing the large share of the double dildo market that heterosexuals comprise.

Someday…!