14. August 2017 · Write a comment · Categories: Blog · Tags: ,

Sure, we all dream of those seminal moments of exploring our most powerful fantasy – Pegging. Maybe it’s that take-your-breath-away sensation of feeling the head of a dildo being pushed into your ass for the very first time, or perhaps it’s being the one with the hotter-than-hot view of pushing that dildo into your receiver’s ass! Whichever side of the strap-on that you are on, the very first step after confirming consensual interest and willingness to explore with your partner, is learning the cardinal rules of safe pegging.

The Cardinal Rules Safe Pegging – PANTS

  1. Plenty of Lube

  2. Anal-Safe Toys Only

  3. No Numbing Agents

  4. Take it Slow

  5. Start Small


Let’s unpack each rule, shall we?

Plenty of lube. If you have been watching porn, please correct any misconceptions you may have that spit is lube. It is not! A good quality, body-safe, non-toxic lube is essential for pleasurable pegging. Use more than you think you need. Use enough so that you need to put down a cover for the bed so things don’t get messy. Givers, when you are pegging for a while, periodically add more lube to keep things sliding smoothly. Receivers, don’t be shy to ask for more lube when you need it. Pegging sessions can go longer with sufficient lube. Conversely, they can be cut short with insufficient lube, because that can result in too much friction and a sore ass.

Anal-Safe toys only. This seems like a no-brainer, but people just don’t think sometimes. Clean fingers with well-trimmed nails are great (with gloves or without), but no fingers with long nails should ever go in an ass, Use a toy instead, like a butt plug. All anal-safe toys have a flared base for safety. Small vibrators or thin dildos without a flared base can go up into the colon and become irretrievable – necessitating a trip to the ER for removal. No one wants that! Least of all the ER doctors. Flared bases prevent this. No random household items, please!

No numbing agents. There are lubes sold that tout ease of anal penetration because they have numbing agents in them, often Lidocaine. Please do not ever use these for pegging! Pain is an indicator that you are going too fast, using something too large, not using enough lube or you have not properly relaxed. Let your body give you these signals and respond to them by backing off and going more slowly/adding lube/using a smaller toy. If you eliminate the indicator of pain, it is much easier to cause an injury such as an anal tear without even knowing it.

Also – please moderate your use of other more common numbing agents such as alcohol or drugs. Just about every experience of a horrendous injury caused by anal penetration was fueled by alcohol and/or drugs. Be responsible and don’t indulge to the point of bad judgement. If you have already indulged past that point – skip the pegging and wait for another time. Alcohol and drugs can impair the receiver’s ability to discern pain and call a halt. Alcohol and drugs can impair the giver’s ability to pace themselves and not go too fast, too hard or forget the lube.

Take it slow. When I say take it slow, I really mean take it slow! I don’t mean spend 30 seconds playing with the receiver’s anus and then push the toy in. I mean play with that asshole with your fingers, tongue (if you are into rimming) or smaller toys for a decently long time – at least 15 minutes. Take your time. Tease. Take it so slow that the receiver is backing up and asking you for it. And receivers, if your giver isn’t doing this, if they are rushing things, you need call a halt to things until they understand how important it is to take things slow so your ass has time to open up.

Start small. Most of us who have ventured into the land of internet porn have seen clips of huge anal penetrations. Are they possible? Sure – those videos confirm they are possible. Are there repercussions? Past a certain point, yes. What is the limit? That will differ according to who you ask. The largest toy I use is 2.75″ in diameter. But these toys take a lot of time, even months or years, to work up to. The point here is that if you are just starting out pegging, and perhaps just starting out with anal penetration, start small! You may have been watching porn clips with huge toys that make your mouth water with anticipation, but that is not where one begins their pegging journey. Don’t let your eyes be bigger than your ass when you choose your first toy. Unless you are experienced with anal play, a good starter size is 1 – 1.25″ in diameter and 6 – 6.5″ long. You will need a longer toy if the giver has a bigger belly and/or the receiver has a bigger butt (I am looking for a dildo that fits these specifications!) Start small and work up to larger toys as you become accustomed to the smaller ones.


So those are the basics! Following these safety rules will decrease the incidence of injury dramatically. And remember, despite your best efforts, sometimes even when you follow all the rules, asses decide not to cooperate. I like to say that asses have personalities, and some nights are just not ass nights. Respect that when it happens and reschedule the pegging or anal play for another time.

Now go forth, and enjoy your ass play!


More information:

Approaching your partner to be a giver

Approaching your partner to be a receiver

Podcast (#112) for the givers – eases fears and corrects misconceptions

Solo Anal Play for Newbie Receivers

Couples Anal Play for Newbies

Choosing your equipment


© Ruby Ryder




Gentlemen, perhaps you have found your way here from links on the internet somewhere and you were intrigued. Or perhaps your lovely SO has mentioned that she’d like to explore your ass. Only one problem – you have never done ass play. Like, in your whole life. Never. Not so much as a finger. It’s okay. Just keep reading…

Ass Play – Where to start?

The best way to learn about your sexuality is to explore your own body. Masturbation is an excellent example. Since you have played with your cock enough to get it down to a fine art, you are much more knowledgeable about what turns you on and what doesn’t, which helps in communicating the finer points of your sexual preferences to your partner. So it stands to follow that the best way to begin finding pleasure in your ass is to explore it yourself, first.

If, at this juncture, you are sort of freaking out, that playing with your own ass somehow makes you gay, read this and listen to this.

Cleaning out to avoid a mess: Many men find that all they have to do is make sure their bowels are empty before playing, and there’s no problem. This works best if you have a good diet with enough roughage and you are relatively young – I’m going to guess, and say under 40. Typically, feces do not sit in the rectal canal. Rather, they stay up in your colon and periodically get released into the rectal canal, and your body gives you the message that you have to go.

If you want to rinse out in the shower to be sure you are cleaned out, you can just buy a fleet enema and empty out the contents without using it, then fill it up with water from your shower. Put small amounts of water (like 1/4 of the bottle) into your ass and expel it, repeating until the water you expel is clear. You are not trying to give yourself a complete enema – just rinse out the rectal canal. Then wash just the exterior of your anus with soap and water. Easy peasy. You are good to go.

If you want more  information about staying clean, read this

Fingernails: Make sure your nails are trimmed and rough edges are smoothed, and/or use gloves (which can help with clean up as well). The lining of the rectal canal is delicate and can tear easily. You don’t want that to happen, so you should never use anything with sharp edges for anal play, including your fingers!

Lube: Lube is an absolutely essential component to enjoying the exploration of your ass! (And please don’t let any stupid porn video make you think otherwise – spit is not lube.) You can use coconut oil, just be sure to put down a towel because it can stain. Also, take a small amount out and put it in a small bowl or on a plate because you don’t want to stick your fingers back in the jar when they have been in your ass and you suddenly realize that you need more lube.

Or, you can get what I consider to be the best anal lube out there – Sliquid Silk Hybrid lubricant. Completely body-safe, no bad ingredients, lasts a decently long time, doesn’t dry out and get sticky. Amazing stuff. Excellent company.

So now you are cleaned out, fingernails trimmed, and you have your lube. What next?

Position: The position that you find the most comfortable to explore your ass in is very individual. Explore a few and see what works best for you. You need to find a position that is comfortable for you so that you can really relax. Laying on your side with one leg drawn up, on your back with your legs up, on your hands and knees, or sitting back on your knees – those are all positions men talk about. Consider using pillows to support your body. I have even heard a man say his favorite position was…sitting on the toilet! That sounds decidedly not sexy to me, but it works for him. Above all, comfort is important. You need to be able to relax.

Turn On: Get yourself turned on in whatever way works best for you. Porn videos on your phone, fantasizing your favorite scene, reading erotica, jerking off, playing with your nipples or your balls, whatever works. The reason why this is important, is because once you start playing with your ass, it will feel better and you will have an easier time finding your prostate if you are already turned on. It swells with prostatic fluid and becomes more sensitive.

Outside First: Your mantra here is going to be go slow. So you want to start massaging your perineum, the area between your anus and your scrotum. Many men love having this region touched, as it is an indirect stimulation of the prostate. Next just massage your anus, around the rim and back and forth and whatever feels good. If you push on the anus without entering, it will encourage everything to relax.

Inside Next: When you are ready, make sure your finger is well-lubed, take a deep breath and as you breathe out, push out as if you are trying to have a bowel movement (don’t worry, if you have cleaned out, you won’t). This allows the sphincter to open and your finger should slide in fairly easily. If it starts to feel uncomfortable or you feel pain, back off and give your ass more time to open up. Don’t rush your ass! Again, go slow. Sit there for a while and just get used to the new sensation. Initially, the only thing you might feel is like you have to go to the bathroom. That will pass. But many of you will already be thrilled with new and very pleasurable sensations.

prostate massage

Locate Your Prostate: Your prostate is located about 2 inches inside, towards your belly button. Exact same location as a woman’s G-spot, if that helps. The prostate is about the size of a walnut, and is easier to find the more turned on you are. Some men will know as soon as they find it. Other men won’t be able to feel anything at all. Once you’ve found it, experiment with what feels good. Gentle pressure? Stroking? Rubbing in circles? Quick in and out? On and off pressure? Just remember not to aggressively poke the prostate. It is a gland and you don’t want to bruise it.

From here, just explore, and discover what feels good to you!

Some Cool Things to try:

Jerk Off: Most men report that an orgasm from combined prostate stimulation and penile stimulation feels about 10 times more powerful than a normal orgasm. Jerk off while playing with your ass and see what happens! As a side note – do not be concerned if you are unable to attain an erection while you are playing with your ass. This is completely normal. Some men have erections that come and go, some men stay hard the whole time and some men can’t get hard at all. All of those are completely normal.

Prostate Massage Only: Alternately, use your fingers or a toy and only massage your prostate. Some men say that they really don’t enjoy concurrent penile stimulation with prostate play, that it somehow distracts them from the amazing sensations they get from the prostate, because it’s a different type of sensation. You might be one of those guys! And some men can even orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, as well as enjoy multiple orgasms (so if you are still reading and were wondering why you should try this…there you go).

Butt Plugs: Will stimulate your prostate and can be worn during many activities. Intercourse, oral sex in either direction, foreplay. Watching a movie with your SO or out to dinner with her. Making a quick trip to the store and wanting to have a more fun experience! No one will ever guess the reason for that big smile on your face. You are limited only by your imagination. And by the toy. For longer term wear, I suggest the Njoy Pure Plugs or the Tantus Ryder Anal Plug. Both of these choices are designed so that the base sits between your ass cheeks more comfortably, and the differential between the widest point and the neck is large enough so that the plugs stay in more easily.

Prostate Toys: Some men find using their own fingers awkward. If you are not flexible enough, your arms are short, torso is long, fingers are short, prostate is further in – there can be a lot of reasons – your ass can be difficult to reach, which makes finding your prostate nigh impossible.

In that case, or if you just want to take your ass play to another level entirely, I recommend four different toys. The first two do not offer vibrations and the second two do. Vibrations are a matter of preference – some men don’t like them at all and say it makes everything sort of go numb. Other men say they can’t really get much pleasure from their prostrate until they use a vibrating toy. Experiment! Remember that anal toys must have a flared base to be safe, and make sure they are not toxic!

Aneros Helix Syn: When inserted, this device is designed to provide hands-free prostate stimulation by clenching your anal sphincter. It’s a great toy to wake up that area of your body to the pleasures that are possible. And some men find they can orgasm hands-free while using it! This is a great toy for beginners. And should the opportunity present itself, it can be worn during intercourse with explosive results!

Njoy PurewandThe curve, length and shape of this toy is absolutely perfect for prostate stimulation, solo or with a partner. Makes your prostate easier to reach, and longer ass play sessions are almost effortless because of the weight of this solid stainless steel toy. Designed by an engineer with a love of ass play, this toy gets rave reviews across the board (and is amazing for G-spot stimulation, too). The Purewand has a smaller end and a larger one, in case your ass starts craving something a little more at some point. The smooth metal will hold heat, and feels delicious warmed up by running hot water over it (not too hot!).

Lelo Loki and Loki Wave Prostate Massagers: If you like vibrations on your prostate, these are the Cadillac of prostate massagers. The curved design is perfect for reaching the prostate, and the variety of vibration patterns and intensity levels allow you to adjust this toy to your own preferences. Pretty quiet, too! Rechargeable – never worry about batteries again. The size is just big enough to be effective but not large enough to challenge. The Wave practically does all the work for you!

Aneros Vice: Another excellent toy that offers vibrations for anal play is the Vice. It’s a beautifully designed piece of equipment, the shape is made to rest right against your prostate. The removable vibrator is machined steel and packs a punch. Three vibration patterns with 3 levels of intensity. Uses one AAA battery. Just as quiet as the Lelo Loki. A of mine says this toy is so intense that he only uses it once a month and the neighbors hear him yell when he comes.


Have fun playing with your ass! Just remember….

Cardinal Rules of Ass Play

No Numbing Agents!

Not Too Fast

Not Too Big

Nothing Sharp

Plenty of Lube

Anal Safe Toys


 ©Ruby Ryder



Looking to find the answer to that question, I did an internet search for information and found this quote from Violet Blue:

The notion of losing bowel control due to frequent anal penetration is a hurtful myth, perpetuated by our culture’s shame about anal sex. It is usually directed at gay men, though since anal sex has become popular with heterosexual couples, that myth has followed into mainstream culture, no thinks to pundits who confuse opinion for fact, such as Dr. Drew.

In fact, playing with anal penetration for pleasure actually tones the muscles, stimulates healthy blood flow to the area, and is a great form of exercise for the sphincter muscles. The more you use the muscles, the better shape they will be in — though because they are smooth muscles, not like the muscles in your biceps, they can’t be “bulked up” so you don’t have to worry about them becoming bigger from “too many” orgasms! Oh, if only there was such a thing as too many orgasms… I digress.

But as long as you don’t rush, you stop when you feel pain, and don’t do anything to damage the tissue, you may find that you have even better bootie control than before.

-Violet Blue-

So I posted it, adopted that opinion and then received a comment correcting and elaborating on the above assertion from a person I suspect is a health professional. I was not able to verify their credentials. But I assumed that was the case from the physiological specificity of the information. The problem is that no health professional is going to step forward and publicly give their opinion about how safe (or not) pegging is. So I chose not only to believe the information that was offered but to share it as widely as possible – with full disclosure as to the anonymous nature of the submission.

I’m a supporter, and this post will probably get deleted, but…

Talk to a surgeon or spend some time in dissection and you’ll see that it’s not really a myth. Many of the muscles in the anal sphincter are composed of smooth muscle, which are used in your eyelids and a couple other places.

Smooth muscle does not become stronger with use. It cannot withstand significant trauma, but it is fairly elastic and you have to stretch it quite a bit to cause irreversible damage. Depending on your physiology, that limit is probably a one time stress to a diameter 2x as large as your average stool.

If you’re “hammering”, that diameter is probably a lot smaller. But since we don’t have much in the way of before and after clinical exams, nobody knows the safety limits. Because the supplementary muscles are very strong, and we can control them, many people think that it’s simply a question of relaxing. It isn’t.

In truth, by the time you can consciously relax the sphincter to admit large objects, the smooth muscle has probably had a tear or two and isn’t much of a concern anymore. From a practical point of view all it did anyway was keep small amounts of flatulence and liquid waste (mostly water not absorbed in the large bowel) from escaping… not a big problem with most diets.

The ring can tolerate about 2 or 3 significant (painful) tears before it loses enough function to be unimportant in your ability to tolerate “intrusion”. On the bright side: Many overweight or obese people will already have suffered one or more of these tears starting as early as puberty, so it’s not the end of the world. You can get these events from constipation, straining or unusually dry or large bowel movements. This is why so many people think there’s no problem with introducing objects into the rectum.

Can you wreck it from repeated trauma? Certainly. You don’t have to watch much porn to see serious problems in people who have voluntarily subjected themselves to trauma. But thanks to our voluntary control of the other muscles, it doesn’t mean you’ll need diapers.

For the most part, until you’re in your late 70′s, the only person who will suffer from minor anal incontinence will be the person who does your laundry.

Lastly – there’s no science, but the prostate can indeed be bruised with negative effects. Trim those nails, and don’t use hard objects. Good luck!


I replied –

I am always interested in corrections, information and differing viewpoints – so of course I would not delete your comment! I love learning.

First of all – Thank you. This is excellent and very specific physiological information! I am curious to know your qualifications because you sound quite knowledgeable. I’d like to disseminate this information in a more front page way (on all the forums/websites I participate in) to everyone who is looking for it as opposed to hoping they find it hidden in the comments of a blog post. But I’d love to know your qualifications, first – messaged to me in private if you wish.

So tell me if I have this right, please…

1) Muscle tone of the inner sphincter is not built up or improved with more strap-on play. Can it be for the outer sphincter?

2) It is not all about relaxing. Small tears can occur but they are no more serious than tears which can occur normally with constipation, straining or unusually dry or large bowel movements.

3) “But thanks to our voluntary control of the other muscles, it doesn’t mean you’ll need diapers.” I want to understand here – there are 2 sphincters in the rectum, correct? The inner sphincter is involuntary and the outer is voluntary. So does that mean that the damage you describe is only to the inner involuntary? And the outer voluntary overrides the damage in terms of possible incontinence?

4) After all that…As long as you are “reasonable” in your play – not too large, too fast, too hard, sharp objects – you are likely not going to have a problem.


PS – Please don’t get the idea that I’m bashing your stand. I just spend a lot of time around asses.

Violet Blue’s expertise on that question is a valuable opinion, just like that of some random proctology surgical tech who fancies a good time now and then.

I would submit that asking a jockey what’s good for the horse will get an answer that might not match up with that of the honest race track vet.

Sorry, anon for a reason.


Some doctors smoke cigars even though they know the risks.

But they generally don’t smoke a cigar a day, either. It’s the same with everything else, as well. Humans are pretty creative, and this particular hobby of yours has been around (documented) for at least 5 or 6 thousand years, and has flourished more than once in the last seven centuries.

It’s not unlike drinking diet or regular soft drink every day – it’s slowly stripping away your enamel and etching your teeth with every sip. But it’s not actively killing you.

If you cut down to one or two per week, the effect is still noticeable (to people who pay close attention) but nowhere near as bad as people who drink soft drinks every day. If you drink soft drinks every day, especially if you consume two or more soft drinks (or nurse a large one all day), I guarantee that your teeth will develop hairline cracks, start losing structural integrity and suffer significant loss of enamel. Total elapsed time to seeing the damage: 10 years on average, perhaps 20 if you have amazing genes.

But you won’t see any change from one day to the next, until it’s way too late to realize how far it’s gone. Your hygienist may not even notice any change unless he or she keeps amazingly detailed records.

Luckily, the story for the other end of the alimentary canal is a bit different, at least until you get near the end of your life. Human anatomy is not really standardized. It’s just generally amazingly “similar” in form and function between individuals.

A quick review of any decently illustrated anatomy book will give you a good idea of how the equipment is generally connected, but it won’t tell you much about the actual equipment you’ll be working with.

It won’t tell you how far you can dilate a rectum without causing trauma, or how much [long technical term that translates into how vigorously and with what friction coefficient you can thrust against the mucous membranes ] aka “action” will result in noticeable micro-tears or scarring, and it certainly won’t tell you how much impact the prostate can take without causing significant cell damage.

Why? We have no data… just a few random anecdotes. Try getting a public health grant to study the physio-mechanics of anal sex. It will never happen. The best one could hope for is to persuade someone to wrap the research into a series of rather technical porn films, but no credible doctor would touch it. And even if 50 couples were to agree to submit to a clinical study, there are no protocols. Instant loss of reputation, and with that, loss of income. If you think the syphilis experiments were ethically problematic, you’ll probably have to admit that inducing various failures in the rectum [for science!] might be a bit sketchy.

So we’re not going to accumulate credible scientific evidence, period.

Luckily, we have inference, personal experience and some clinical data from ER trauma cases. It’s not uncommon for patients to be admitted for clinical observation after blunt object trauma, or in cases of rape. It’s not exactly the same, because in many of these cases, the patient was attacked or assaulted. That’s very, very different from willing and consensual activity, but it at least gives us a reference point to calibrate our conclusions with. Most of the trauma occurs from involuntary action, inadequate lubrication and unrealistic expectations. (Really, what kind of fool thinks putting a glass object into a rectum is a good idea?)

But rather than write a treatise, let me just hit the highlights:

  • penetration through walls
  • Hemorrhoids
  • minor and major friction tears
  • sphincters being torn or split
  • large muscle tears
  • prolapse
  • bruising

Though wall penetration probably won’t happen if you pick your objects correctly. If it’s pointy, it had better be really, really soft. Otherwise, non-rigid objects are unlikely to perforate unless they’re moving really fast or have a significant length of travel relative to diameter, or unless you’re already at the limit of accommodation.

The big H is usually what causes pain and bleeding for most people. If you sit all day, or have children or eat a lousy diet, you’ll eventually suffer from a little red blood, sting and pain and occasionally a thrombosed vein might break and scare you. Eat more fiber and drink less pop. It looks scary and terrible, but hardly anyone ever died from a bleeding bottom.

Friction tears can be avoided with lubrication to a great extent, but it depends on viscosity, heat and displacement. If you’re well coated, and not moving fast enough to displace or dry out the lubricant, you should be OK. If you’re moving quickly, or the lubrication is being absorbed or going away due to other things, or the viscosity is changing from heat, you can start tearing things. You might even trigger a tear in an existing thrombosed vein, and then you’ll be bleeding for a while. It can be scary, but they’ll probably heal up.

If the object is significantly larger than the opening, lubricant can be wiped off enough that dry spots develop, and then bad things happen more often. It’s like the difference between dusting your windows and scrubbing them – even glass can suddenly cause friction if you press hard or fast enough. Minor tears will open the cells on the top layer (and it isn’t very thick – just a few cells) but major tears will shed layers or cause bleeding. They’ll probably heal, but it can take days or weeks.

I’ll leave out the disease vectors, susceptibility to infection and immune response from this, but you should try to keep everything reasonably sterile. I guess flora and fauna are a completely different topic, but let’s just say that interesting things happen with improvised lubes. Saliva is basically worthless.

All Sphincters have four maximums: How far, how fast, how often and rest/recovery time. You cannot judge the limits by anything other than direct visual observation(unlikely) and pain. The problem is that pain usually occurs as the failure limit is breached. A tear or breach will heal, but it will change the equation because it now consists of scar tissue. Elasticity is reduced with each tear, and after around three tears, it is unlikely to close completely ever again. It’s common for this to happen even without objects.

This isn’t the end of the world for your sport, because a lot of people (men and women) manage to tear them via repeated fecal constipation starting at puberty – and even in infants. It hurts. It hurts a lot. But then it stops hurting and life goes on. It isn’t debilitating, but you’ll need to wash more often. It can be worse with loose stools, or fluid leakage, especially if you strain a lot, or have gas. But sharting is now apparently mainstream, so I wouldn’t worry too much.

A major muscle tear is a bigger issue. It’s seen with blunt object trauma and rape. You can have ongoing pain issues from something like this, because the muscles will heal again one way or the other, and it might not be how you want it to heal. You can avoid this by limiting the size and length of your objects. Past this, you’re in fisting territory, and you should ask someone else. Vaginas are way better at size excursions than rectums, largely because the muscles stretch a lot better.

Prolapse is caused by the lining separated from the relatively weak support structure. It happens even without sex, and it’s a well known phenomena with lots of documentation. Limiting speed and size and using proper lubrication will go a long way – apart from muscle decay, you basically have to actively pull or push the rectum out to make that happen. Repeated attempts with inadequate lubrication can cause this to get started.

Bruising is important, but I would suggest that you avoid objects and activities that if imitated in your mouth would damage (hurt or bruise) your soft palate. This immediately rules out the use of captain crunch cereal and milk as a lubricant.

There is some evidence from the prostatic massage crowd that the prostate gland can be harmed(?) by repeated impact from rigid objects, but everything is anecdotal at this point. In general, I’d be more worried about friction and rough impact on the prostate than I would the sphincter. Steer away from glass, hard plastic, wood and the like in favor of softer objects, and make sure things slide over rather than impact. This implies that the shape and materials should be examined closely.

You should be VERY careful about fingernails of even normal length – put a cotton ball or two in the finger tip of your glove if you have even normal length fingernails – and don’t use bare hands.

Finally, stretching will occur, but over time the outer sphincter will almost always recover from anything other than tearing or splitting.

Some people feel that they can go to the bathroom more easily if they periodically do things like this, but some have the opposite experience. Anatomy varies, so there is no one rule fits all recommendation.

It’s more important to watch for edema (puffiness) around the rectum – I suspect that’s how you know when to lay off for a day or two.

On the whole, within limits, this is probably 50x safer than riding a motorcycle. If you’re going to be gentle, it’s probably very low risk. If you’re going to slam it and slam it hard, fast and often you should probably be more concerned about lubrication and trying not to pulverize the prostate with pointy, hard or rigid objects.

Many of the toys being marketed are probably too hard for repeated direct impact on this gland, and there is some evidence that too much pressure may be bad (making infections worse) – it is a gland, after all. They’re not particularly rugged. Go buy a bratwurst, warm it up and put a condom on it. You’ll break it long before you break anything else.

And like I said, some doctors smoke.


OK – here’s the anatomical info.

Female Pelvis

Female Pelvis

Male Pelvis

Male Pelvis

Rectum and Anal Canal

Rectum and Anal Canal


Look at the two illustrations called “male pelvis” and “female pelvis”. Keep in mind, these are colorized anatomy illustrations, and the actual bodies are from people who donated themselves to science… hence the openings appear larger than they usually are in people who still move.

You can see a couple of interesting things, including the relationship between the inner and outer sphincters. Keep in mind that these are normally closed. In some people the distance through the anal canal is pretty short – an inch or so, and in some people it can be 2x that, or more rarely 3″. Very rarely.

The distance to the posterior lobe of the prostate gland is usually around 1/3 to 1/2 the distance to the sigmoid colon – and the shape and the size of the bowel cavity varies quite a bit based on genetic and environmental factors. It can be as little as 1/4 of the distance depending on age or height.

In the illustration labeled “Rectum and Anal Canal”, you will see why people feel pain under varying conditions. The photographic illustrations don’t show the valves and the relationship and functions of the sphincters very well.

The first place where pain can appear is from forcing the exterior or interior sphincter past the elastic capability limit – especially if you do it quickly or without adequate preparation. Ouch! If the trauma (stretching) occurs very slowly, your body can repair the scar tissue in a way that accommodates displacement and simulates greater elasticity.


The next place is upon contact with and displacement of the rectal valves. You have some ability to move these out of the way or relax them, but in essence you’re trying to convince the rectum that it should open up. Your ability to do this may vary, but few people can pull this trick off on the first few tries.

Millions of women experience this (and I guess many men) from over- enthusiasm from their partners… who get in a little ways and then decide to “seal the deal” before the body has adjusted. Big Mistake, because there’s a good chance that the healing will leave large nodes of scar tissue in places that make future activities painful – apart from the psychological issues.

This is why some people feel pain with small objects that other people can barely notice. The external anal sphincter is quite strong and resilient, and it has three sets of backup muscles that work together. You have to really push it to traumatize all of these to the point that you can’t function anymore, but the interior sphincter isn’t quite so rugged. But again, it can be damaged “naturally” enough that it doesn’t really come into play that much in a large number of adults.


So that’s the deal. We’ve been around for millions of years, and our bodies are designed to try and cope with being torn apart by fangs and claws. Short of perforation or intentionally/accidentally exceeding the “it still feels OK” limit, you’re probably OK to play around like this with a little caution.

But anyone who thinks using objects around three-fingers wide is no big deal probably has already done about as much damage as they can to the interior sphincter. Beyond this, soreness is your best guide, although pain will probably be referred away to your lower abdomen or perineum rather than feeling like your ass hurts.

Note: If it stings or causes sharp pains, you should stop immediately and do something else for a day or two. Ask yourself if you’re hitting rectal valves, or potentially bruising tissue. Repeated and frequent bruising can lead to cancer or other annoying things – once or twice a month is probably the limit for your high speed pile driver imitations. Watch for puffiness in the rectal folds, and be patient if you see swelling that wasn’t there before. Minor swelling is to be expected, but if it looks really puffy, it’s time to back off for a while.

Also, don’t put hydro cortisone or cortisone products in the rectum – they thin out skin layers, which is the last thing you want in an already thin layer of cells.


And btw this is not medical advice. YMMV. I’d just like for people to understand the anatomy before they get crazy – a rectum is a lot of things, but it isn’t a coffee can!


Recap of Important Points:

  • “…by the time you can consciously relax the sphincter to admit large objects, the smooth muscle has probably had a tear or two and isn’t much of a concern anymore. From a practical point of view all it did anyway was keep small amounts of flatulence and liquid waste…”
  • “Smooth muscle does not become stronger with use. It cannot withstand significant trauma, but it is fairly elastic and you have to stretch it quite a bit to cause irreversible damage. Depending on your physiology, that limit is probably a one time stress to a diameter 2x as large as your average stool.”
  • “Finally, stretching will occur, but over time the outer sphincter will almost always recover from anything other than tearing or splitting.”
  • “The external anal sphincter is quite strong and resilient, and it has three sets of backup muscles that work together. You have to really push it to traumatize all of these to the point that you can’t function anymore, but the interior sphincter isn’t quite so rugged. But again, it can be damaged “naturally” enough that it doesn’t really come into play that much in a large number of adults.”
  • “If you’re going to slam it and slam it hard, fast and often you should probably be more concerned about lubrication and trying not to pulverize the prostate with pointy, hard or rigid objects.”

My opinion after taking in all this information:Look – anecdotally, even guys who indulge in fisting on a semi-regular basis do not complain of fecal incontinence. Are there studies? No. Will there be? No. As long as you aren’t stupid about it in all the ways we have already discussed (too large, too fast, no lube, hard or sharp objects) especially when you combine more than one of those at a time…AND as long as you pay attention to problem signs like pain or soreness and stop immediately. AND as long as you don’t do the REALLY brainless move of using a desensitizing lubricant…you should be good. But please consider the risks and play with care.



Please feel free, if you are a medical professional – to comment on the accuracy or inaccuracy of the above information – the more anonymous health professionals we have who concur – that lends a tad more credibility to this subject!


19. June 2013 · Write a comment · Categories: Blog · Tags: , ,

Warning: Clinical blog post coming up. If you wanna play, ya gotta know the rules…

Link to previous post; The Basics of Rimming

While rimming can be a wonderfully intimate, hot experience to give and receive, please know the risks before diving in to that adorable, inviting puckered hole… Consider carefully the exposure you are risking. Unprotected analingus is like unprotected sex and can expose you to the same risks plus some others.

The Risks: Some pretty nasty viral STDs can travel from anus to mouth including herpes, Hepatitis C, Hepatitis A, HPV or HIV. Small cuts or abrasions are not unusual in the mouth, especially after brushing your teeth and flossing. E.Coli infections are a possibility as well.

Hep C and HIV make using protection mandatory. You don’t want to take a risk with these.

Herpes and HPV are kind of an in-between category. Many people already have been exposed to these viruses…and despite the social stigma attached to them they are easily treatable and sometimes non-symptomatic. For what I consider to be a healthy view of these two STD’s, listen to episode 195 of one of my favorite podcasts – “Savage Love” with Dan Savage. (If you have found your way to my blog – Dan Savage is practically required listening!)

The risk of an E.Coli infection is fairly remote and reduced greatly by washing thoroughly before playing, and by taking care of your general health to maintain healthy immunity.

Heptatis A gets a little complicated. Even if you and your partner are exclusive and know you do not have the more serious STD’s, if you insist on rimming without protection, you are smart to get a Hepatitis A vaccination. Why? Because the virus can be found in fecal matter. Although the HAV (Hepatitis A Virus) is only excreted in the feces at the end of the incubation period of the infected person, some people show no symptoms when infected. And check this – Some people who contract HAV can experience a variety of very unpleasant symptoms for up to 40 weeks that can indeed compromise your quality of life. No one wants an experience like that. Keep in mind you can also get infected with HAV through contaminated food and water and this vaccination will protect you from those sources of infection as well.

A vaccination will give you solid protection against the Hepatitis A Virus in 95% of cases for a period of 10 years. The  protection will start 2-4 weeks after the vaccination is given. For those die hard rimming fans who just know you can’t keep your warm wet tongue out of your partner’s ass for long…an additional booster shot administered 6 – 12 months later will provide protection for up to 20 years.

So what is this “Protection” of which you speak? “Barrier” is the correct terminology, and “Dental Dam” is the more widely known form of protection. No – we are not going to be biting the anus here – it’s just that the rectangular pieces of latex that dentists use to protect you from all kinds of stuff going down your throat work really well as a sexual barrier! Bless those dentists. (Will you ever be able to go to the dentist again and not think of sex?!!)

To be completely safe, it is advisable to use a dental dam, or rectangular piece of latex, as a barrier between your mouth and the anus. There are many for sale here and here, in a variety of sizes, thicknesses, opacities, colors and – are you ready for this – flavors!

In a pinch, you can make a barrier with an un-lubricated or dry condom by cutting off both the tip and end, then cutting down the length of it.

If you are rimming with casual partners, please always use a barrier. Refraining from using protection during rimming of a casual sex partner is like fucking them without a condom; not too smart.

Okay – a treat for those of you who read through this necessarily overly-clinical post about the risks of rimming:

For you, dear readers, a spicy viewing recommendation available through instant view on Netflix (for my readers in the USA). The Australian HBO series “Satisfaction” is about a group of women working in a brothel. Highly recommended viewing – gorgeous women (and men!) in unbelievably beautiful lingerie (mostly just the women), this series has amazing eye candy and offers depth as well with portrayals of the joys and pains of being a sex worker (as imagined by the writers of the show, anyway). Very sexy. I’m getting ready to watch season one and two for the second time, and wait for the release of each season with great anticipation. There is a scene where one of the girls makes a dental dam out of a condom, just in case you need to see it done…

Until next time…Happy Rimming.

Ruby Ryder

A man found my website with the search words:

“i bled after being pegged”

This situation always concerns me. Anal tissues are much more fragile and subject to tearing than, for example, vaginal tissues (where babies are born from). So many people do not realize that care must be taken when approaching anal penetration. A LOT of care. And too many people don’t seem to realize that when I say slow I really mean slow…like half an hour of foreplay, not just sticking your finger in his ass for a minute and then two fingers for a minute and then shoving a dildo up his ass. NO!!!

If you go too fast with pegging, it can definitely cause problems. Bleeding is one of them. If you see any blood while pegging, call it a night, give his ass a rest and try in a couple of days. Usually there will be pain connected to bleeding, too. So some people wonder when to be concerned if there is bleeding. If it’s just a spot or two, no problem. You should still stop the fucking and let his ass recover. If there is more blood and/or it doesn’t stop, a trip to the doctor might be in order. These are the Mayo Clinic’s guidelines for seriousness of symptoms.

For the Newbies

Step-by-step foreplay in my article “Newbie Ass Play”