He’s not gay.

Okay, everyone listening?

Two common misconceptions about pegging:

• If a man likes pegging, he must be gay.
• If you peg a straight man, he will become gay.

Cue Laughter and Eye Roll

Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with…or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this – please excuse the laughter…though I do find the concept quite humorous.

Think of it this way…If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.)

A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady’s finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner’s finger(s) or his partner’s cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something….just like the 150 – 200 million gay men in the world. But wait – I’m probably confusing you…

Unexplored Ecstasy

The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it’s just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from…and oh my the word abstinence  in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with…well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner’s reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out.

All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know…easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey – we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people’s narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not.

No Fear – Not Gay

So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can’t let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really…are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him…don’t kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential.

Pleasure Seeking

Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that’s your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that’s always fun). Given just that, why wouldn’t you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no “Insta-gay” phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you!

Pegger/Peggee

Wouldn’t it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, ‘Pegger; or ‘Peggee’? I mean – relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn’t have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, “Look it up on Wikipedia”. Just make sure it’s a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever…in a rather explosive way.

Or perhaps you could have coffee mugs saying ‘Pegger’ and ‘Peggee’ to make people at the office wonder what you are up to. You could share a lazy morning cup of Joe with your sweetie after a totally hot night of pegging…the word on the cups extending the sweet afterglow a little longer.

Wishing you provocative and passionate pegging.

(This article was written before the evolution of the gender binary. Please excuse the use of strictly gendered terms.)

Ruby Ryder