Finding a Partner for Pegging

Where can I find a partner to peg me?

I get the same question over and over again


Are you single? Do you love pegging or are you looking to explore it? Are you wondering how to find a partner who will happily, or even better…eagerly, indulge your particular yearning?

Well…first let me dispel some myths.

Where Not to Look

Firstly, there are no pegging “clubs” where happy givers run around ready to sink their sizable strap-ons into any willing receivers who are interested.

Additionally, there is no internet website where givers who love pegging are just waiting to hook up with receivers for a NSA pegging encounter. Don’t waste your money – there are very few real givers on those sites, despite what they’d like you to believe. Plus, many of them are fake profiles, pros or online fantasy-only people who you will never meet.

Why is it so hard to find a partner who likes pegging?

It’s not. What’s hard is to find a giver who enjoys pegging and is ready to peg a stranger. Similar to the difficulty finding a woman who enjoys sex and is ready to fuck a stranger. In fact, the pegging scenario is even harder. I would actually bet that there are more women who enjoy sex who are down for a quick sex hookup than there are women who are down for a quick pegging hookup. Typically pegging this happens more between people who already have a connection with at least some level of intimacy.

Pegging is Not Bowling

This is not bowling.

Hey! You like bowling! I like bowling! How about we go bowling sometime?

No. This is sex. Sex with all of its naked, intimate, vulnerable penetrations and entwining.

I’m happy that you receivers have managed to find your way safely through the minefield of misconceptions, fears and social taboos that surround pegging. I’m happy that you have come out the other side very interested in having a partner slide their strap-on deep inside you. Kudos to you. Well done.

Now. Approach finding a partner to peg you the exact same way you would approach finding a relationship. Be as charming, clever, polite, fun, interesting and considerate as you know how to be. Whether in person or online.

Finding a Partner on a Dating Site

If you are on a Vanilla dating site, send a letter of introduction with correct spelling and good grammar. Tell them a little about yourself. Talk about something in their profile that you liked and why. Tell them you are interested and would like to hear back. This, of course, is after you have put up a decent profile, and please choose a decent user name – don’t do the FckMyAss thing. You don’t want to lead with that.

Use your best judgment to discern if the person is sexually open-minded. If you are on a website that allows you to see if they are interested in pegging and you know they are, DO NOT MENTION IT IN YOUR MESSAGE. I will tell you how that comes across to us givers who love pegging. Like you are pursuing us for our strap-on and you could care less about the person underneath. Like you want us to satisfy your desire to be pegged and that is at the forefront of your intentions. We are not a fetish delivery system. And we will drop you like a hot potato if you treat us like one.

Go on a few dates and begin to get acquainted. DO NOT HAVE SEX YET. If all feels good then talk with them about the pegging. Lay your kink cards out on the table kind of like this:
“So hey, we have a few dates now, and I’ve enjoyed them. I’d like to see more of you. Also, I wanted to let you know that I’m very open-minded sexually, and I’d like to eventually explore pegging. If that’s something you’ve had an interest in or are open to, perhaps I’m the perfect guy for you! If not, no harm no foul and we can go our separate ways. So what do you think?”

Use finesse. Do not present it like you have leprosy. Present it like a very cool thing that she gets to do with you because you love it. 

In fact if things go swimmingly online, meet a couple of times and if she doesn’t bring it up DO NOT MENTION PEGGING. I had one guy, after a fine dinner, tell me he had his toys out in the car…did I want to see them? Bringing sex toys for a show and tell on the first date? Yuck! Zero class.

A Few Helpful Links for Finding a Partner

This might help. (Article about approaching a partner.)

And this, too. (One man’s story of how he finds pegging partners.)

Honestly, I believe that this one will be the most helpful. (Podcast for potential givers. Takes them through all the usual fears and misconceptions, offers accurate information and emphasizes the relationship. Does not try to convince!)

Givers Want to Be Treated Like People

We don’t just peg asses, we peg people. You are not seen as just your body part, no matter how lovely your ass might be. We see a person connected to the ass and hope he’s a nice person, someone we want to do more than simply fuck. Just because we love pegging does not mean we want to be treated like a convenient way to scratch your itch. There is a person under the strap-on.

Let’s go back to pegging not being like bowling. Pegging is sex. Sex with all of it’s naked, intimate, vulnerable penetrations and entwining. And actually, it’s even more than that because of the role reversal. For instance…the openness and vulnerability required for penetration, and the skill and intention necessary to penetrate someone. Both are often unfamiliar roles for the gender experiencing them. Pegging completely switches it up and things can feel pretty different, intense and intimate. Not usually a place most givers want to go with someone they barely know.

That doesn’t mean every one of us require the possibility of a long term relationship, but it does mean we need there to be something that makes us WANT to peg you. Something that makes the moment hot and steamy. A situation that makes us want to jump you and do you. Something more than 20 words in a pegging ad. Which leads us to…

Givers Who Are Into Casual Pegging

Occasionally you can find stories about givers posting on Craig’s List who want to try pegging with a stranger. You can also find stories about pegging parties where there were a few givers with strap-ons doing the happy receivers. Are these stories true? Probably. But are these situations common? Absolutely not. However, they are extremely rare. Similarly, out of the thousands of pegging ads posted on whatever website you receivers can find to post them on, an infinitesimally small number actually get a response, much less actually get pegged. Consequently, Pegging ads do not help in the quest for finding a partner.

The exception is…If a giver is into casual play and the receiver is a total hottie or charming, fun, personable or clever enough – the giver might go for it.  There are so many receivers begging for a pegging that givers have a lot of potential partners to choose from, though. Total long shot.

There are some givers who would consider doing it for fun with a kinky friend.  But first you have to make friends with those people! When you are online – Making friends is most decidedly not writing to them and saying “Hey – I’m a virgin and I’m looking for someone to fuck my hungry ass. Interested?” Your messages will get summarily deleted. To clarify, you must send a letter of introduction as I described above, meet them and get to know them first.

Finding a Partner in the Kink Community

Finally, this brings us to finding a partner in person. So, where are these rare givers who love pegging and might consider casual play? Where do they congregate in person? The only place I know of is the kink community. As a result, the BDSM groups that get together in your area likely have a few givers who are interested in finding a partner to explore pegging. Likewise, the people in BDSM groups are usually more open about sex, too.

You can find groups in your area by going to and joining (free). Keep in mind that people in those groups have all kinds of kinks, so check your judgment at the door. You go to their public get-togethers, get to know people in the community and make friends. There is no short cut!

Once you have gotten to know the givers interested in pegging in the group, you can try this approach. You lean in close to a giver you know and say, “Just wanted you to know that if you ever wanted to fuck my ass I would be totally down with that.” In the moment, they might laugh and tell you to fuck off. But they might call you later and ask you about it, too! People in BDSM clubs are experimental, and there is less of an emphasis on necessary intimacy when playing with others. Sometimes they just want to try something out. You could get lucky. But again – there is no shortcut to finding a partner, even in the kink community.

In Conclusion – No Whiners

So after all this…I hope I have not discouraged you receivers from finding a partner and exploring pegging. Above all, I hope I have only discouraged you from whining about how hard it is to find a complete stranger to fuck your ass. I have said it before and I will say it again: Pegging is like the Dubai Tower of sex thrills. It is exotic, deep, intense and explosive. For an experience that fine, that rich with pleasure and discovery…you will just have to work for it.

Ruby Ryder

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10 Responses

  1. Mistress Ruby: Another awesome piece! Thank you. As you know, this is something I am struggling with, and your brilliantly written article has provided me with a few ideas that had not crossed my mind, Now I just need to develop a plan (per the guidelines you have provided) and implement it.

  2. By the way, in your piece, you mentioned ads appearing in Craig’s List. If I am remembering correctly, Craig’s List did away with any listings that could even remotely be considered sexual several years ago. With this in mind, you may wish to update this article so that the valid information it contains is not diluted, or overlooked because it appears in an out of date article. Does that make sense to you?

    1. Well, the vast majority of people know that Craig’s list personals went down years ago, but if I get time I might put in a note! Thanks for the suggestion.

  3. Your advice is amazing. Unfortunately I’ve found that often subs can also be objectified as objects to be used or simply for financial abuse. After 2 years of searching I’ve given up finding someone that will accept my fetish without demanding abuse in return or calling me nasty names afterwards. Best advice ai have is, you get what you pay for, and if you don’t, expect nothing.

    1. Sorry to hear that is your experience. I remain a believer that there are many dommes out there who have no interest in degradation or humiliation. While I understand how frustrating it can be – 2 years is not long in the grand scheme of a life.

      1. Love the article. MY wife and use to have pegging sessions once or twice a week. Then one day she tells me she’s not comfortable pegging me anymore. Is there anyway I can convince her to start pegging me again?

        1. “Convince” is perhaps not the best word to use. There are many factors here. What kind of partner are you? Are you trying, actively, to be the best partner you can be, in and out of the bedroom? What kind of equipment do you have? Is it difficult for her to use, uncomfortable, or otherwise unappealing to her? What’s happening in her life? Are there hormonal changes or stress that could be impacting things?

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